Heavily Involved Grandparents

If you know what's good for you keep your mouth VERY firmly shut.even if you are asked for your opnion moderate your reply and if it's your daughter in law make sure you only tell her something she wants to hear....or there'll be trouble and lots of it. Remember daughter in laws in particular hold all the power. Your relationship with your son and grandchildren is in her hands.

My experience is based on two daughter-in-laws who behave quite differently. One doesn't want my involvement except on specified occasions when she can control the parameters and the other one wants me around, skypes me regularly and talks to me as if I am a friend and/or a wise old owl! Trouble is she lives on the other side of the world. Best advice I can give is to only involve yourself as much as is permitted. Sad but true.

I do agree with Kiora and have a granddaughter due in September I am thrilled naturally but it is not the same as when my daughter was expecting my adorable grandson. I get on well with said daughter-in-law but I am careful what I say and how I say it. I will be even more careful when the new baby arrives. Don't want to rock the boat (or should that be cradle!) I don't take over but like to be involved as much as possible. I certainly do not interfere and I do keep my mouth shut how ever hard that is.

My own daughter and step daughter (potentially another difficult situation), I have to say will often ask for ideas, or will say things like 'what did you do?', and when for instance my grandchildren misbehave and parents are at their wits' end, I will say 'have you tried this or that?' - I do think its often HOW you say things rather than WHAT you say. My step daughter is actually probably more 'hands off' with her children when her father and I are around than my own daughter is - she sees is actually as a bit of a break for her even if we are in the same room. And she will back us up by telling the children to 'not be rude and to listen to Nanny & Grandad and do what we say', so I think personally I am very lucky on that side of things.

The dividing line between helping and interfering has to be closely monitored and strictly observed, IMHO