Divorce settlement

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Ana apparently not. I wouldn't go back to court nor to renegotiate. How it was put to me was that an entitlement to pension might be out there for negotiation, as that hadn't been included.

Kathcan1 I'm sorry, what a dreadful man.

Bearing in mind that £300,000 is just peanuts to him, the loose change in his pocket.

There was a case recently where a couple separated over 25 years ago; they were poor but he went on to make a fortune, starting up a business now worth £57million.
She has lived on and off on benefits.
She went to court and claimed £1.9million and was awarded £300,000.

He thinks that is a disgrace

He said: This could signal open season for people who had brief relationships a quarter of a century ago. It's mad in my opinion.

They were married for 11 years, so it was not a brief relationship and they had a child together. He said that he believes that we all have a right to move on and not be looking over our shoulders.

He isn’t specific, unfortunately, about quite who “we all” are. All people? All men? All fathers? All parents? He moved on in 1984, when his son was a year old. He didn’t move on leaving the baby alone in an empty house. He cannot possibly believe that “we all” have a right to do that, can he? He moved on leaving his son and also his stepdaughter in the care of their mother

Does he have a moral obligation to support his ex-wife and child when she was getting into difficulties and he was becoming a multi-millionaire even if there was no legal obligation?

I'm amazed how many GNs have drawn such hard lines for what should happen after a divorce. Just like a marriage each divorce is different and the circumstances of both parties must be taken into account, that's why there are family judges who look carefully at each case and make a judgement that is just for both parties. Some women have worked and can survive without help, some women have helped set up businesses and worked hard for little reward only to see this snatched away from them as the money starts to come in. Some men are open and honest, some squirrel away assets so they don't have to pay support. As far as this case is concerned there may have been more assets than capital at the time of the original divorce and we have no idea how much this might have involved.

Surely your re-marriage cancelled any maintenance agreement between you and your first husband anyway, SparklyGran? (Not in respect of any children of course, but for yourself)

Sadly I have been divorced twice, the second time as I was the breadwinner mostly, I made sure the court financial order made the matter sorted out and final.

In my first divorce, many years ago, the settlement issue isn't final, though I would never re open it. I am friends with my first ex DH, we have children. I did have a bit of fun with him a while back when he had a good investment come to fruition, I reminded him our settlement case hadn't had a final conclusion. We were on the phone but I could feel him blanch.

I think if a wife has been a stay at home wife for a long time, put behind her any hope of long term work or a career, has helped her husband in his by being at home, maintenance for her is not unfair. [grins]

Although this is Gransnet, most posters seem to be assuming that the woman is young and able to get a job. I was almost 60 when my husband left. I had done some work but actually, he never wanted me to go out to work but liked me to be there when he wanted attention. After 34 years of being his secretary, valet, hostess and mother of three children, I felt I deserved to be supported when left suddenly.

Fitzy54, no nothing you posted has upset me, thank you. You are talking about a specific case. It is the comments saying that women shouldn't have any financial help from ex-husbands, and it comes across as if it's regardless of circumstances.

Peep, just in case any of the comments that upset you were mine, I agree with all you say. Each case is different. And nobody is worthless, least of all someone who has brought up two children and been through what you have.

Thank you Kathcan I totally agree. Just checked out the marriage vows! Nothing in there about neglect and seeing other women. I would say any settlement very much depends on circumstances!! Before marriage healthy person. Now 40 years, 2 children and a nervous breakdown it's a very different story. I feel worthless anyway, some of the comments on here make me feel even worse.

VIOLETTE, I was very saddened to read that after all you did / went through that your daughter is no longer in contact.

I don't really know what to say but I couldn't let such a heartfelt writing just pass. Not sure what good they'll do but .

Please don't pass judgement on this issue, you cannot know what it's like having invested everything into raising a family, building a home, whilst working full time and supporting your partners career, to have it all taken away from you by another woman,
because you are too old to get another job in retirement or for health reasons and your ex has dragged his heels over a settlement for over many long expensive years. TRUST ME ITS NOT GREEDY, ITS DEVASTATING! Newspapers sensationalise these matters, there's always more to it than meets the eye.

Ana, I think we are talking about the same case, but it was only later articles that made it clear that it was the husband who brought the case back to court; and while the some is grown up, he is still in full time education.

If they were divorced, why should she expect to have his help for life. I blame the judge. It would be different if a child if the marriage needed her assistance for day to say living, if not it should never have gone to court. Why do women expect a man to keep them, she's not helpless.

No, I can see few reasons for a divorce settlement being revisited years later. It should be a clean break, with a capital sum equivalent to balance any disadvantages that a home based partner may have as a result of putting their career on the back burner, plus maintenance for children.

Like others on here my OH disappeared with a local barmaid whose husband worked in Saudi Arabia (she once complained to me that 'my husband only sends me 1,000 a month !) ...that didn't include the mortgage which he paid ! She saw in my husband a successful business man (broker at LLoyds) earning a good salary, two new cars a lovely house a daughter at private school and she wanted that.

However what she DIDN't see was that my husband with successful career (director of company earning very good
salary). Of the two new cars, one was his company car and mine was on loan from an aunt who won it but did not drive ! Daughter at private school ...fees paid by my saving my salary working at a solicitors part time school hours. She never saw that he was a compulsive gambler an my salary paid for the mortgag and most of the bills .....from his earnins we saw very litte, and what he did have went to the Court to pay various attachment to earnings order for his gambling debts......

SO, when he eventually left I took the house and all its contents ....from which I paid off all his outstanding gambling debts (to save him from threats from various 'heavies# who used to call round ...why I did, I really don't know !) Daughter and I then had to move 250 miles away where we could afford to buy a house outright. No more private school, no maintenance, no contact with daughter ,,,no cards on birthday or Christmas, nothing ! Apart from her paternal grandparents who took her on a holiday every year ..no support whatever from anywhere .......gave her everything I could ...even sending cards and presents 'from daddy'.....now she has not spoken to me for ten years ....probably back in touch with her father who may have told her various lies about me (I know he told someone the house was taken off him to pay maintenance ..it wasn't ! The child support agency told me they could get nothing from him as by then he had married the other woman, had twins (they already had one child, and she had one of her own as well) he had been sacked for embezzelement to fund his gambling lost his house and was living in a b & b (he then got lucky and was given two council houses knocked into one and benefits ! he then had a triple by pass !) so as my mother used to say, what goes around comes around, Wouldn't have done me much good going back to court to ask for more ....nothing more than nothing to be had ! So NO I don't blame her if nothing was signed off ....why should she and the children suffer if the ex decided he wanted to reduce his payments ! Good luck to her !

Someone with estate agency experience with a housing portfolio who can't make money- very strange. I say too bad if she lost her investments. She is no longer her ex husband's responsibility.

Many women in relationships put their careers on hold when their children are small. Others put a lot of work into their partner's careers at the expense of their own, from moving house, entertaining coping alone when a partner works long hours. I think they are entitled.

I have never been divorced, but in the early years of our marriage DH had a job that meant he was regularly away from home for undefined periods at very short notice. Some seasons of the year I was virtually a single parent. I manged all family affairs and yes, it did hold my career back.

If my marriage had collapsed then I would certainly have expected recompense for the effect my marriage had on my economic future.

Gillybob my situation replicated yours Nothing put into the marriage and nothing given afterwards He didn't turn up for the court hearing and social said they couldn't find him although I always gave them his addresses where I knew he was I never had a penny from him for my three kids or myself not even a birthday card although he worked and remarried twice and kept limited phone contact over the years

I don't think wives should get money, the house yes if there's kids, and the children should get money of course but that woman in the O P is just plain greedy and shouldn't have more her fault if it went wrong ....tough

I think once you are divorced that should be it. No coming back for more when the Ex-partner's business takes off or when they win the lottery etc etc. A clean cut and get on with the rest of your life, maybe with a different partner.

Are we talking about two different cases here? The couple in my link only had one grown up son and it was the woman who went back to Court to get her maintenance increased...

Ah well if he was trying to reduce the amount he paid and it bounced back then more fool him.