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Brexit dividing my family.

(431 Posts)
iluvsylvanianfamilies51 Fri 06-Dec-19 13:10:03

I voted leave in 2016 and had no idea it would come to this. I really think this country has never felt more divided. Walking on eggshells when discussing things with friends, family, neighbours. Not wanting to offend but not wanting to back down. It is horrible.

What makes me sad is that it feels like families are splintered and there's so much resentment. Grandkids all voted remain and kids voted remain and leave. All have arguments about it all the time and I feel them getting more closed off to each other.I t is unbearably sad. We shouldnt be divided like this.

I'm sure others feel the same but the reason I post is because my granddaughter sent me this video and I think it articulates it really well. You may not like Labour or momentum but I think we will agree that this tension between leave/remain leaves us weaker. And when I voted in 2016 I didn't think it would be so drawn out. I feel embarrassed about that

twitter.com/PeoplesMomentum/status/1202573131606573056

I have been on the fence about who to vote for but I despise Johnson for his comments on single mothers (AND his racism!) and I think Labour are the best chance we have to get a better leave deal and bring our country back together again. In 2015 I never expected political division to make living rooms tense and communities divided. I wish we could have it back and this stalemate to be over.

Tweedle24 Fri 06-Dec-19 13:33:51

Are families really that divided? My sister and I voted opposite ways and we just respect each other’s views.

GillT57 Fri 06-Dec-19 13:42:41

I am happy for you Tweedle24, and that is how it should be of course, but frankly, i find it difficult to stay friends with people who have voted to make my life and that of my children, more difficult. I am going to lunch next week with a group of old friends, many of whom voted to leave. I shall enjoy the day, shall stay friends, but I have to admit I feel differently about them. So, yes, I agree, this bloody referendum has caused a great deal of difficulties and possible fall outs, and has achieved nothing.

lemongrove Fri 06-Dec-19 13:44:44

Ilovesylv you have had three years in which to put your message across, now it’s time for a GE, hmmm.
Are you a Momentum member perchance?😁

GagaJo Fri 06-Dec-19 13:49:27

oh god lemongrove, get back to MI5. You see conspiracies everywhere!

lemongrove Fri 06-Dec-19 13:56:55

Really gaga? ( which other conspiracies I wonder.)

Anyway, somebody has to man the desk for M, and a part time role helps pay the rent.

Sara65 Fri 06-Dec-19 13:57:47

My best friend voted to leave, I confess to being surprised, but we just don’t discuss it, I wouldn’t lose a friend over Brexit.

Fiachna50 Fri 06-Dec-19 13:58:25

I agree. This country and I mean my country of Scotland has never felt more divided. Before both Referenda I sat our family down and told them that politically we are not all going to agree, BUT we are first and foremost a family and we must respect each others views. We are still voting differently with different views on both Brexit and Scottish Independence, but we all made the decision we were a family first. Having said that I no longer discuss politics with anyone outside my immediate family and I only have 2 or 3 good friends who I feel comfortable talking about politics. In social situations I avoid politics, religion and football like the plague. Scotland has become an increasingly divided country and since the Independence Referendum I just refuse to talk about it. I also came off social media during that time. I dread another Independence Referendum as I feel everything had settled, however, it is all getting stirred up again by the SNP but it is their aim.

Firecracker123 Fri 06-Dec-19 14:06:51

Yes Lemongrove my thoughts exactly.

dragonfly46 Fri 06-Dec-19 14:12:21

I am in the process of losing a very old friend - not because she voted Brexit but because she is suddenly displaying very racist tendencies which I am finding hard to stomach. Brexit seems to have given her the excuse that it is okay to hate 'bloody foreigners' - her words not mine.

iluvsylvanianfamilies51 Fri 06-Dec-19 14:15:11

are you serious? I'm just sharing something that I think shows both sides of the argument and peoples frustrations quite clearly. I knew absoultely nothing about Momentum until my granddaughter shared this online. I though they were a media site!

iluvsylvanianfamilies51 Fri 06-Dec-19 14:16:21

@lemongrove the above message was for you, sorry I forget to tag people.

lemongrove Fri 06-Dec-19 14:21:00

I was serious, yes Ilovesylv .... you thought they were a media site?🤣
Well, they kind of are in a way.

Oopsminty Fri 06-Dec-19 14:21:54

I have friends and family who voted to Leave and Remain

There is no animosity whatsoever

Like before the Referendum. Friends and family all vote for different parties

Which is fine

No cause for arguments

lemongrove Fri 06-Dec-19 14:22:39

Have to add that I haven’t lost any friends over Brexit, nor do I feel differently about anyone because they have a different viewpoint to my own.

Craicon Fri 06-Dec-19 14:25:48

I’ve ditched the only friend that I know voted for Leave.
I knew she had racist tendencies so it’s really no loss not to see her anymore or listen to her ridiculous Daily Mail induced rants.
In hindsight, I probably should have cut her out years ago as she was always a bit anti ‘furriner’ and many of my family members are not British and contribute a damn site more to the British economy than she ever did.

Caro6699 Fri 06-Dec-19 14:33:39

Like Oopsmity I have family and friends in both camps and have not allowed Brexit to spoil family and friendships.
We may have different opinions, and respect each other’s rights to hold them, but I would not want to lose them as a result of it.

jura2 Fri 06-Dec-19 14:35:52

lemon- this is NOT about having 'a different point of view to one's own' - you just don't get it do you? It is about the consequences- that will impact our lives and that of 1000s of individuals and families. It is about the rise of racism- and yes, I know, this is denied again and again- but comments made by family, friends and acquaintances have had very strong overtones of racism, and the fear and distrust of Johnny foreigner...(including oh I am NOT racist, but ...).

Saying it is 'just about differences of opinion' is nonsense- it goes far beyond than that. Far far ...

We will never fall out with anyone- family or friends- and would rather quietly walk away from a discussion which turns unpleasant- and goading ... but with some people, things have changed, and probably forever- and it is hugely sad.

jura2 Fri 06-Dec-19 14:40:47

And nowhere more than among the expat communities that live in the EU. Those who availed themselves of all the rights of EU citizens to buy and move in EU- and voted for Brexit- are massively despised by the others in those communities.

And discussions with several EU expat groups show clearly that many of them are in despair about their parents voting for Brexit- refusing to see the massive negative impact will have on them and their families. Many have mentionned that they have no intention to visit parents in the UK, because of it- and are coming up with every excuse in the book not to invite them over again.

grannyactivist Fri 06-Dec-19 14:50:57

My children and parents-in-law all voted the same way, so there are no tensions in my immediate family. However some of my siblings voted leave and their children voted remain and sadly it has caused some tension and a few arguments between them; I think not so much because of Brexit, but because it has exposed some racism that was previously not evident. I don't think there will be any lasting divisions from Brexit, but I do think that family gatherings will be more challenging if racist views are expressed.

The majority of my friends voted to remain, but some, for quite genuine reasons, voted to leave and of the latter there are only a very few who haven't changed their opinions. I'm afraid the main area of friction now comes from those who've changed their minds zealously trying to 'convert' the other leavers to become remainers. I try to help them to communicate in a kindly way, but I fear that neither side is able to genuinely listen to the other. It saddens me enormously because a friendship is such a precious thing to break.

One local woman, who is an acquaintance rather than a friend, has become a vociferous campaigner for remain after she voted leave and then her circumstances changed drastically and her world view has changed accordingly. I worry about her because she's in danger of alienating her (mostly leaver) friends at a time when she's very poorly and needs all the support she can get. sad

Pantglas2 Fri 06-Dec-19 15:12:01

I have friends and family who support different football teams, have different faiths and politics and we’ve never fallen out over any of them - Brexit hasn’t had a detrimental effect either, mostly because we don’t know how people voted.

Is it deemed normal to be grilling folks on how they vote - I assumed it’s secret for a reason - that you couldn’t be bullied into voting one way or another?

jura2 Fri 06-Dec-19 15:17:47

ah football teams ... of course. Makes total sense - not.

GagaJo Fri 06-Dec-19 15:25:12

lemongrove Fri 06-Dec-19 13:56:55

Anyway, somebody has to man the desk for M, and a part time role helps pay the rent.

The FIRST time, just about, something you've said has made me laugh!!! smile smile smile

My family is multi ethnic, so I've never had friends that were racist, and hence have no leaver friends. Ironically, the ONE friend I've lost over politics is an American. I knew she liked Trump, and tried to ignore her comments, but when she came out as pro Kavanagh, that was it. I had to drop her.

Pantglas2 Fri 06-Dec-19 15:25:37

It’s purely an example of personal bias jura2 - could’ve been rugby (union or league), baseball, basketball whatever.....my second paragraph was the intriguing (to me and possibly others) one.

growstuff Fri 06-Dec-19 15:33:43

The problem seems to be that people do seem to equate the whole thing with football/rugby teams.

They don't seem to realise that the lives of real people will have real consequences. Either they're blinkered or don't care.

I don't know anybody in my family or close circle of friends who voted to leave, so it hasn't split me from anybody. I'm sure it's a coincidence, but I don't like the people I know who voted to leave - not because of how they voted, but because we have nothing in common and we have totally different values.