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A Week in tory ending 13th August

(64 Posts)
MaizieD Thu 13-Aug-20 22:39:56

'Russ in Cheshire's' latest update on what has been happening in the UK


1. The govt said they had to "balance the nation’s health with our economy", and in that respect, they have succeeded: both are evenly balanced as the worst in the G7

2. So Boris Johnson went on holiday. See if you even notice.
3. Britain’s death toll, pretty much the worst per-capita in the developed world, rose again to the levels it was 2 months ago

4. Fortunately, the govt solved those deaths by the simple expedient of publishing the figures on a different website and not telling anybody
5. A mere 6 months into the Covid-19 crisis, the govt advertised for a "Head of Pandemic Preparedness" with a salary of – honest to god – less than mine. And I do colouring-in for a living.

6. In Feb the govt said "nobody will go hungry as a result of Covid-19"
7. The FSA said 7.8 million Britons had skipped meals or eaten unsafe food as a result of skyrocketing “food insecurity” since the outbreak

8. So the govt is planning to stop the furlough scheme to force us to go back to jobs that don’t exist
9. Britain’s GDP fell 21%, more than twice as much as Germany or the USA, and even more than Spain, which we keep telling ourselves is doing terribly, whilst avoiding mirrors

10. And an IFS study showed UK can expect to be permanently 9% poorer if we have no Brexit deal by Nov
11. So naturally, Liz Truss paused a £14bn trade deal with Japan over concerns for the fate of Stilton, which is 0.007% of the deal. But she’d made a big deal over Brexit saving Britain’s vast and vitally important Stilton industry, and everything else comes second

12. Liz Truss suggested increasing the speed limit to 80mph could be the solution to all our economic woes

13. And then The Express – yes, them – suddenly discovered the USA favour a deal with the EU over a deal with the UK because, and this will shock you, the EU is much bigger
14. Boris Johnson insisted the central Test and Trace system was "still world-beating" after it traced only 56% of cases

15. Local councils set up their own tracing in Lancashire, Liverpool and W Yorkshire and traced 98%. "World-beating" isn’t even beating Blackburn council
16. NHS Providers said Test and Trace is “not fit for purpose, let alone world class”

17. A month after knighting Sir Tom for raising £32m, the govt gave 10x as much to company valued at £100, and with no expertise in producing PPE, for 50m masks we can’t use
18. By one of those massively rare coincidences that happen 9 times out of 10, the owner is a close friend Liz Truss

19. And then it was revealed the govt didn’t just sign one inexplicable contract with a useless and inexperienced supplier: they had at least 20 contracts
20. One of the contracts is for £108m, paid to a pest control company with assets of just £18,000. The company is now using money from that contract to threaten legal action against a lawyer who asked what it is doing with the money. I kid you not.
21. Education news, and in the beginning, the govt opposed adjusting A-level grades

22. Then top fireplace salesman and irony no-fly-zone Gavin Williamson said “The danger is that pupils will be over-promoted into jobs that are beyond their competence”
23. And then the govt introduced a “moderating” algorithm to adjust grades

24. Then the Tories told the Scottish govt to abandon its own adjusted grades

25. And when the Scottish govt did Tories had asked, the Tories said it was a disgrace and they should resign
26. Then multiple Tories called for Gavin Williamson to do exactly the same thing

27. The Assoc of Headteachers said the govt’s handling of this is "a rolling disaster"

28. Things are moving fast. But not as fast as the contents Gavin Williamson’s small intestine
29. The govt’s algorithm awarded twice as many grade increases to pupils from private schools as it did to state schools.

30. And an Education Policy Institute report found wealthy pupils get 1/3 more funds from the "levelling up" budget as poor pupils get
31. Scrupulous honesty news: property developers gave the Tories £11m in the last year, and then, miraculously, the Tories relaxed rules on planning permission

32. Amongst the regulations they tried to scrap was the one requiring dwellings to have at least 1 window
33. Robert Jenrick said "you can trust me on housing", 3 weeks after he admitted wrongdoing in helping a Tory donor avoid £45m tax

34. To be fair, he then denied admitting wrongdoing, even though he had admitted it on camera, and that's always the mark of a man you can trust
35. The Royal Institute of British Architects said the reforms were "shameful" and would "lead to a generation of slum housing"

36. Housing charity Shelter said the reforms "will mean the end of affordable housing" and force more than 1m people onto housing waiting lists
37. But Priti Patel said Syrian refugees were the real cause of our national housing crisis

38. She asserted that people claiming asylum in the UK was illegal, which it absolutely is not, under any circumstances, ever
39. Then she appointed an excitingly-titled "Clandestine Channel Threat Commander" tasked with, amongst other impossible things, pushing migrant boats back out to sea, in direct contravention of international law and British Navy regulations
40. A leak from inside the MoD said Patel’s plans were "completely potty", "inappropriate, impractical and unnecessary” and had "more holes than a slice of Swiss cheese". I’ll put them down as a 'maybe'

41. Priti Patel then had an argument about this with some ice-cream
42. James Cleverley, a hugely successful one-man campaign against nominative determinism, joined in, but confused "virtue signalling" with "obeying the law"

43. Tory MP Sir Edward Leigh had a solution: "We should never have lost Calais in 1558. Why not take it back?"
44. Then Sir Edward, a vocal, life-long Brexit fan, said we should pay the EU to manage migration for us, but it has been very warm, and he does look like a man who has been in the sun far too long
45. Speaking of Brexit, it was revealed Tate and Lyle, Tory donors and No Deal cheerleaders, will gain £73m if we get No Deal, because they can import more of the very unhealthy sugar they supply

46. So obviously, the govt started a TV campaign telling us to stop being fat
47. The govt condemned the Russian state, which said it had a vaccine that hasn’t been approved by regulators

48. And then it was revealed UK’s much-vaunted 90-minute rapid Covid test has not been approved by regulators
49. The govt said children would be safe if we re-opened schools

50. And then Boris Johnson said he would "bulldoze schools" in which there were Covid outbreaks, which seems a smidge excessive if Covid can’t spread in schools
51. The govt said there was no evidence any children had caught Covid in school. Schools are closed, so it would be difficult right now, but let’s not try to apply logic any more

52. An international study found pupils over 12 are just as susceptible to Covid-19 as any adult
53. Scientists called for routine testing of teachers and pupils

54. The Schools Minister said no because, I’m sorry, I have no idea why the Schools Minister said no, and neither does he. People asked. He didn’t have an answer.
55. And then Immigration minister Chris Philp asked if he could re-record a live interview, after he forgot what country he was from

I’m sure it’ll be fine.


Starblaze Thu 13-Aug-20 23:00:24

These always make me smile

Grandad1943 Fri 14-Aug-20 10:27:39

MaizieD, you missed the biggest event of the week in your above post.

Kier Starmer came out of hibernation to comment on the A level exam debacle. However, that will in all probability be the last we will all see of him prior to Chrismas when he pops up again to comment on the Queens message. 🤭😃😂

MaizieD Fri 14-Aug-20 10:32:43

Oh do stop it, Grandad. You really disappoint me. In all the time I've seen you posting I'd never had you down as childish and malicious; I've always thought you quite sensible and measured. But you're proving me wrong now.

Barmeyoldbat Fri 14-Aug-20 10:49:09

Please keep these weekly coming, it is one post where the Boris fan club doesn't pop up. Except for Grandad.

Grandad1943 Fri 14-Aug-20 10:53:58


Oh do stop it, Grandad. You really disappoint me. In all the time I've seen you posting I'd never had you down as childish and malicious; I've always thought you quite sensible and measured. But you're proving me wrong now.

Not childish or malicious MazieD. Just speaking as many affiliated Labour members in the Broader Labour movement are finding and expressing.

I was also placing that in a jocular way. Still never mind.🥴

trisher Fri 14-Aug-20 10:58:16

Thanks MaizieD just gave me a great laugh this morning.

Grandad1943 Fri 14-Aug-20 11:08:08


Please keep these weekly coming, it is one post where the Boris fan club doesn't pop up. Except for Grandad.

Me a member of the Boris fan club, you must be joking.

Come back Jeremy that's me. At least Labour then had a leader who showed up when things were happening.

Apparently many in the wider Labour movement now call the Labour Party Leaders office "The Vacuum Chamber". 🤭

biba70 Fri 14-Aug-20 12:33:15

Wow Grandad - are you McThingy?

Dinahmo Fri 14-Aug-20 12:55:12

For some weeks now, each time I read one of Grandad's posts I'm reminded of the way in which the older union members talked when I was young. They were behind the times then I think that he is now.

I've been a Labour supporter all my adult life and joined the Party after Corbyn was first elected leader. I joined because he impressed me more than the other candidates and I didn't want to see him replaced as leader. I have several friends who joined for the same reason but each of us has been disappointed in Corbyn, for one reason or another.

Maizie a great post. Thank you.

MaizieD Fri 14-Aug-20 13:23:45

Maizie a great post. Thank you.

Please, people, please don't think that I've compiled the OP. blush

I've just copied and pasted it all from a twitter thread by this guy Russ grin

He does one nearly every week. I hope he compiles it all into a book! He doesn't miss a thing, does he?

Lucca Fri 14-Aug-20 13:30:46

I love no.42.
I like these because they are witty !
Surely it is irrelevant whether you are a leftie or a rightie or Grandad1943, it is well written and funny.

Drum1234 Fri 14-Aug-20 13:33:32

Fabulous, Maizie. This government truly is repulsive.

Whitewavemark2 Fri 14-Aug-20 15:02:42

Week on week it simply gets worse.

All this government does is attempt to manage cock-up after cock-up

varian Fri 14-Aug-20 16:10:01

France decided to go for teacher assessed end-of-school grades, and created 10,000 extra uni places, so no-one of this generation will miss out. That’s a “proper country”. England, in contrast, is a “make-do-and-mend” country

Simon Hix
Political Science Professor. LSE Pro-Director for Research. FBA FRSA. Chair of

Grany Fri 14-Aug-20 19:54:07

I just noticed that #ToryShambles is trending. Can't imagine what triggered that confused

Grany Sat 15-Aug-20 08:44:16

I agree with what Grandad1943 says

Big donors are coming back to Labour under Keir Starmer.

This is what Labour supporters people are saying

Alice Liddell He will change nothing. He is the Establishment’s ‘maintain the status quo’ pin up boy. Fundamental change is what is needed, not cosmetic tinkering. We had that before. If you don’t change the foundations of how our society is constructed, as a Labour government you are a waste of space. You want liberal tinkering, go and campaign and vote for the Lib Dems. A Labour government must be much more radical.

Remains to be seen how Starmer will do

Meanwhile the Tory government continues bad to worse

Iam64 Sat 15-Aug-20 09:00:06

Thanks MaizeD
Dinhamo, couldn't agree with you more.

MaizieD Sat 15-Aug-20 11:31:45

Remains to be seen how Starmer will do

This is what is bugging me. It does remain to be seen.

But in the meantime it's just being assumed that Starmer is tory-lite. I'm not sure why. Perhaps someone could explain..

Kamiso Sat 15-Aug-20 11:51:07

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Kamiso Sat 15-Aug-20 11:58:02

Where did Grandad1943 make a malicious post? I was surprised at your statement so went back to double check and could only see that he didn’t concur with your opinion. Is that not allowed?

MaizieD Sat 15-Aug-20 11:58:40


MaizeD. Do you ever feel you have too much time on your hands? Do you actually have steam coming out of your ears? It can’t be a healthy way to live.

What brought that on?

Lucca Sat 15-Aug-20 12:18:06


MaizeD. Do you ever feel you have too much time on your hands? Do you actually have steam coming out of your ears? It can’t be a healthy way to live.

Sorry but what a strange thing to say Sussexborn.?

MaizieD Sat 15-Aug-20 12:20:47

Sorry but what a strange thing to say Sussexborn.?

Is this a name change, then, Lucca?

There are some posters I never expect much that makes sense from...

Grandad1943 Sat 15-Aug-20 12:24:40


^Remains to be seen how Starmer will do^

This is what is bugging me. It does remain to be seen.

But in the meantime it's just being assumed that Starmer is tory-lite. I'm not sure why. Perhaps someone could explain..

The problem is that the Parliamentary Labour Party (PLP) is part of the whole Labour movement of Great Britain. Starmer has preceded since his election as if the Labour Party is not part of such.

By example, excluding all on the left of the party with the exception of Long-Bailey from the shadow cabinet.

Sacking Long-Bailey from that position and not replacing her with someone from the left of the PLP.

Giving way to very large compensation claims without consulting the National Executive Committee or the trade unions who will be expected to fund that expenditure and other claims and prosecutions in the pipeline.

Starmer must come to realise that he has to bring the whole labour movement with him if he is not to see continued factional conflict throughout the movement which will make the PLP unelectable into the future.

Tony Blair was a master when first elected as leader of the PLP in bringing all onboard and in that making fundamental changes to the structure and policies of the whole movement. In later years Blair and Brown lost that skill to bring all with them and we all know how that ended.

However, Starmer must look back and learn from how Blair achieved what he did in his early leadership years, for if not disaster is staring him in the face.

But of course many on this forum do not wish to see such matters really debated, and just wish to see all indulge in Starmer worship.