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Frightening experiences

(13 Posts)
GillieB Mon 23-May-11 12:32:46

I am fortunate in that nothing like this has ever happened to me; however, it did remind me of something my sister (who runs parenting classes) told me. I was telling her that my daughter's new baby was forever spraying her when she took his nappy off and how she has learnt to quickly cover him up. Sister responded that she was glad to hear that I was using the correct terms for body parts - and then went on to tell me that generally paediophiles keep away from children who know the correct names for parts of their body. When I thought about it, I could see what she meant. If a child comes over and says "that man touched my penis" there is no ambiguity, but if a child says "that man touched my 'whatever" (family name), a teacher or other adult, wouldn't necessarily know what they were talking about.

Since then I have been passing this on to every grandmother, etc., that I know. If it only helps one child ....

absentgrana Sun 22-May-11 18:07:32

What interesting stories. I had forgotten an incident in my first year at secondary school. I had been to another girl's birthday party. Travelling home by a London tube train at about 6.30–7.00 in the evening, I got into the carriage with the guard as I had always been told to do by my parents if the train wasn't busy. (That shows how long ago it was – not just guards on the tube but not being busy at that hour of the evening.) The guard grabbed hold of me – in between stations – kissed me with lots of tongue (an act that I found disgusting) and groped my barely budding breasts. I got off at the next stop and never mentioned the incident to anyone. It's only now that I have recalled it – the guard's name was Derek. Did he think he was being friendly telling me his name? It obviously upset me at the time, but not to the extent of lifetime trauma. I guess we should all make it clear to children that they should tell us if something upsets them or feels wrong and it doesn't mean that they are at fault.

babyjack Sat 21-May-11 10:55:53

What you experienced was very traumatic and that is evidenced by the fact that you still suffer from nightmares. Flashing is a form of sexual abuse and sadly all children are vulnerable as they are so trusting.Although we all worry about stranger danger the statistics show that most children are abused within their family or by someone they know, the most dangerous place for a small child in the UK is their family as they are dependent on them for all their needs.
Sadly there here have always been perverts about and always will be.

heleena Fri 20-May-11 19:08:25

They might even still be around!

Magsie Fri 20-May-11 18:57:20

Supernana- the same thing happened to me when I was about six and I didn't tell anyone either. It does make you wonder when you look at how many of us have been flashed at, just how many perverts were knocking around in those days?

heleena Fri 20-May-11 17:52:28

My youngest used to say I coudn't smack her. I used to tell her to stand a bit closer and we would see if she was right!

milliej Fri 20-May-11 17:42:00

The Law.....whats happened to the Law? I don't want to see Sharia Law in this country (or any country really!) but when I was flashed at as a teenager, I knocked at the door of a policeman who lived in our street, he gave chase and would have given the fellow a clip round the ear if he'd caught him, which sadly he didn't!
We had respect for the law and if a bobby gave you a clip round the ear it was just a friendly warning. Now no discipline, not allowed to touch a kid, some kids threatened to take us to court when my husband told them off for running in front of the car...silly so so's,my husband thinks they should bring back conscription!!......oh don't start me off!!!

heleena Fri 20-May-11 17:10:39

My gs and gd with their step dad were held at gun point last year after they stopped to pick some flowers for mothers day for their mum and me which the gunman said were his. He was found not guily at his trial a few weeks ago. My gchildren were and are totally traumtised by the event which will carry into adulthood. They have learned they can get away with whatever they want. Not one organisation is willing or able to offer any support to my daughter to help the kids. I have taken it as far as I can. Even the Home Office don't know what they are talking about. Going private is not a option.

MrsJamJam Fri 20-May-11 16:51:56

I sincerely hope attitudes have changed for our grandchildren. When a family member touched me as a teenager in a way I didn't like I was the one told off for 'making a fuss'. Still rankles. I shall encourage the GDs to 'make a BIG fuss'.

heleena Fri 20-May-11 16:48:26

I had a similar experience at 10 to supernana. He threatened to kill us if we told anyone so we went straight to the police station. In those days you just had to get on with things - well in my house you did. A police lady came home with me and my mothers reaction was in her words ' What have you been up to now'. That hurts still. I haven't had much in the way of good experiences with men. Even on talking to my doctor about this many years later was an eye opener. As he said 'Well you expect to be touched up'. I still wonder if he was a toucher or touchee!! sad

harrigran Fri 20-May-11 15:43:18

I had a dirty old man put his hand up my skirt on a bus, I was horrified and jumped off the bus and he followed me. In hindsight I would have been safer staying put and telling somebody. My reaction in later life would have been to grab the arm and raise it up high and shout" whose dirty little hand is this ?"

Joan Fri 20-May-11 13:59:46

We were like that as kids, weren't we? You know, we thought everything that went wrong was our fault. It must have been horrible for you.

I was 20 the first time I got flashed, and was with a group of other girls in Vienna. We were all students from all over the world, and one lass had been training as a nurse. Anyway, she said to him "You can put that puny thing away, I've cut off better specimens". He fled and we all laughed.

You can be like that when you're grown up, but a child just doesn't understand.

supernana Fri 20-May-11 13:42:58

Back in the 40's, when I was about seven, a man exposed himself to me, tried to grab my arm and take me into a spinney. I never did tell my parents because I felt ashamed. From time to time I still have a nightmare about the experience and wake up yelling help!