Charging children for board and lodging

My youngest son, who still lives at home and who works, pays me £70 per week for housekeeping. I always feel so guilty taking it from him but without it I would struggle to pay all the bills and food, gas and electric etc. He earns more than I do and is happy to pay. I've been a single parent for a long time.

My other 3 children, who now have their own homes and children, all paid a small amount of 'housekeeping' relevant to their wage, whether part time or full time working. I think it's a good thing and helps them to learn the value of money. Most of my friends and colleagues don't ask for housekeeping money from their children, and they have bought their children cars and paid for insurance, etc. I suppose it depends on circumstances, but I do feel it's the right thing to do to ask your children to pay some money towards their keep.

Many years ago when I suggested to my son that now he was earning he might like to contribute to household costs...........he looked completely shocked and said "well, if I've got to pay you I might as well go and live somewhere else"............OK, I said and he did..................I can still see the look of disbelief on his face.............

Both of my children paid board once they started working, its the only way for them to learn that not everything in life is free. They were happy (I hope, well they never complained ) to pay their share towards the household bills.

DS went straight off to university at 18 and has since lived in rented flats.
He is, however, paying us back out of his salary for the suit, shoes, deposit for flat rental etc that we loaned him last year.

DD is also doing the same as we loaned her a sum for a rental deposit on a flat and various other bits and pieces.

I feel that they should, on principle, do this and it makes them appreciate the "Bank of Mum & Dad"

Of course they should pay for their 'keep', otherwise how will they ever understand how to budget? It was not an issue with my DDs because they both left home @ 17 to Uni/college and never lived at home again, but all of my generation paid into the household as soon as we started work. My MIL, who did not really need money from her son, still took his dig money and squirreled it away in a savings account for him.

Although I agree with everything said above, there's one aspect to this nobody has mentioned. It is not numberplease's own children who should or should not pay board, but her daughter's. So there's an element of how much say numberplease should have in the matter, especially as her comments don't seem all that welcome to her daughter.

Jeany, I don`t expect to have a lot of say in the matter, have just put my twopennorth in and shut up. But when it comes to my daughter borrowing off my husband in order to pay her daughter`s car insurance, I think it`s getting a bit much, seeing as we`re both retired, with nowhere near as much coming in as there is in their household.

Yes that's a bit of a pain, numberplease. I suppose ideally, your daughter would tell your granddaughter that her car would have to go off the road until she had enough for her insurance. Then of course the young one wouldn't be able to go to work at her wee job (vicious circle)! When my lot were still at home, they all paid dig money. I can't remember how much it was now, though, but I do remember that they used to buy their clothes out of my mail order catalogue! Their dig money paid for their clothes......I think I did it wrong somehow, didn't I.....?!

My granddaughter is now selling her car because she can`t afford to keep putting petrol in it, she`s been offered £450 for it...............guess what she`s doing with the money? She`s booked a long weekend break to Prague with her mate!

Oh well ....'old head/young shoulders'? Hopefully mum and dad won't cough up any more when she comes back!

Hope not, but I`m going to button me lip from now on, and keep out of bother!

My son went straight off to Uni when he was 18 - I topped up his grant as did my ex-husband[this was at a time when they had grants]. He never lived at home again as he and his now wife moved up to London as soon as they graduated. However, when my daughter left college and started a job I expected a reasonable portion towards housekeeping. She never quibbled this and I never had any problems. When they had jobs during their school years I still gave them pocket money. I felt if I withdrew that it wouldn't make it worth their while to work. The exra money paid towards clothes,trips and going out. Of course she has moved into her own place sometime ago and is managing well as she has been taught how to handle her money. I feel sorry for numberplease who feels so helpless with this problem concerning her GD - but it is up to her daughter to sort this out.

Of course the children should pay for board and lodging. That way they learn what life is about and that money doesn't grow on trees. It is mature parents that expect their children also to act as grown ups. Some parenst are still hampering to be 'friends' with their children and spoil them.
I gave my daughters a clothing allowance at 16 as I was sick and tired of the arguments that accompanied shopping for clothes. I laid open our expenses for mortgage, food etc so that they could see how what they got was the best we could afford.
I am satisfied with how they have developed with a sound head on their shoulders and well able to cope with their finances. They don't hold it against us that we didn't buy cars etc. and that they had to finance their driving licence tuition. Quite the opposite they often say they want to bring their children up like they were brought up.

DD never paid any money into the household budget as she was training
to be a hairdresser and she bought all her own uniforms and equipment so
it evened its self out really,the boys are military so they have monies taken from their wages at sorce but they are very generous and they know the value of money,DD now does all my trims on the old barnet so thats the payback and it saves a fortune

Just to add to the general discussion:
I have known a few parents who could afford it, have taken board & lodging money, and put it (or part) into a savings account to hand over when the dear things finally leave.
Seems to me to be a nice compromise & I actually still have the bed my parents bought with the money my nan saved for them in this situation (65 years old)

When our kids returned from university we made a deal as to hoe long they could expect board & lodging whilst job-hunting.

I would also like to add my 5 eggs to this discussion . As soon as my 3 children started in full time employment we exprcted them to pay a fair proportion of thir wages into housekeeping . There was never any arguments or complaints about it they knew that was the right thing to do . We started teaching them to budget at a very early age , they were given pocket money from the age of 8 yrs in return for a few light chores around the house and garden . If we were out and they had forgotten to take their money with them , we would loan it to them and they always paid it back as soon as they were home . This probably sounds a little hard to some of you but we had to live to a strict budget ourselves and thought it best that they should learn to do the same .

When my son left catering college, he got a live-in job, but when long long hours, poor pay and evil tempered managers drove him back home, he got a bar job and applied to join the RAF. Out of his earnings, he contributed something towards the housekeeping. I quietly put it into a savings account and tipped it up when he left to do his training. It wasn't a great deal but he was grateful for it. My daughter came home after uni and got a job paying a reasonable salary. She and her boyfriend were saving hard to buy a house so I said we would not take board off her if it would help them with their savings. It paid off. I suppose some people would consider us "soft". My father earned very little but always tried to give his children a leg up if he could, and, while ever we have been able to afford it, we have always tried to do the same.

Haven't times changed? When I started work many moons ago my parents asked for a third of my weekly £7.10s, I was told to put £2.10s in savings and use the rest for living/commuting costs. They did give me a working wardrobe to start off with, let me off the first month to get used to things, and then explained living costs so I found it quite acceptable after the initial shock and sulk.
I don't think any parents would get away with that these days, but if these kids don't experience budgeting, planning etc how will they live when the parents' money runs out - and how are the parents to plan for their own old age?

When I started working, aged 16, I was living with my grandma, who didn`t believe in these new fangled ideas of children keeping their wages and paying board. She had all my wages from day one, and gave me pocket money, as did my future MIL with my future hubby. However, when I was getting married, aged 20, I asked for my whole wage packet the weekend of the wedding, as we needed some money to spend on honeymoon. She refused at first, but after much bitter wrangling agreed to let me keep the full £8-8s-0d. Hubby wasn`t so lucky, he came on honeymoon with his £1 "spence"!
My kids always gave me a third of their earnings for their keep, eldest daughter still at home still does.

My DD and her son live with us after she separated from her husband. She wanted to do a degree so we could help out whilst she did it and she could be on a reasonable salary and support her son when she had completed it. We came to the idea that she should pay for her son's and her food, petrol clothes etc out of her bursary and other allowances, but pay us for any thing that left us out of pocket i.e. things that were more expensive with her being here. She therefore gives us money towards gas and electricity but nothing else as things like water rates and council tax are the same, so we are not out of pocket. It works well as long as we remember to ask for it!!!

All of my children had part-time jobs during their teen years and I continued to give them a clothing allowance and spends. As soon as they were earning a proper wage they were expected to make a contribution to their keep. They all seem to manage their money wisely and value the fact that they're treated as the adults they are.