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What to do?

(22 Posts)
bagitha Thu 09-Feb-12 11:18:32

It was not clear who would be collecting child E (again!) from Cubs last night. Friend of mum brought him and said Y (R's mum)  would take him home. Y came with money for subs and knew nothing about this! After Cubs, the sister, M, aged about sixteen, of yet another Cub, J, came for J and R. Their mums were, reportedly, in the pub. M did not want to take E because she had not been asked to and anyway, they would not be going near his house. I decided to take E home myself. While I was finding out all this yet another mum called me to say C (E’s mum) had called to say she was sending a taxi and her boyfriend, who is unknown to me, to collect E. By this time E was in my car. When boyfriend got out of taxi, I asked E if he knew who it was. He said, “Yes, that’s my mum’s new boyfriend” and seemed willing to go with him in the taxi. I let him go.


How can I politely suggest to E’s mum that she get her act together? The child needs to know how he is getting home and who with before he comes to Cubs. His mum does not drive and has a younger child. Dad (whom I know) is 'around' but Cub night is not one of his 'kid duty' nights. He may not know that C's so-called friends are getting pissed off about her assuming they'll bring her son home.

Suggestions, please!

glassortwo Thu 09-Feb-12 11:33:50

Think I would to put a collection policy in place to be upheld by everyone.

Ie:- You must have written notification of who is collecting a child if parent/carer is unable to do so and that person must be known to you before you release the child to a stranger.

supernana Thu 09-Feb-12 11:51:53

bagitha What a mess! Goodness me, the poor lad E needs someone [you] to help get matters sorted. If I were you, I would stress that you are responsible for E's welfare when at Cubs and need a firm commitment that, in future, she will get her act together. E's mum should send her son to Cubs with a note regarding a firm arrangement for her son's safe delivery home. It's what mothers do!

glammanana Thu 09-Feb-12 12:39:22

bagitha wow! I would certainly have a collection policy in place,you can expect something like this mess in an emergency but it should not be the norm it is not acceptable for someone you don't know to be turning up to collect the little boy,and really stress that you will not allow this to happen again.

bagitha Thu 09-Feb-12 12:53:47

Thank you all for your replies. I've now emailed E's mum (and copied in the Group Scout Leader) asking her to send a note with E so that I know what arrangement has been made to collect him. I've also asked her to make sure the child knows beforehand how he is getting home and with whom. She is a reasonable woman who just happens to "have her head on backwards" at the moment because of life stresses, so I hope this will just jog her into some kind of firm arrangement. I think she has tended to assume her friends will help her out without asking them and they have, naturally, got a bit annoyed at being taken for granted.

Elegran Thu 09-Feb-12 13:00:48

Bagitha, you do need a stated written collection policy - if you circulate everyone then E's mother cannot complain that she is being picked on (though those who have themselves been inconvenienced by her will know who is being targeted) Some people has an inbuilt ability to expect others to take on their responsibilities and have to have it pointed out to them very clearly.

When I ran a playgroup for 2 1/2 to 5 year olds there was one mother who often turned up late to collect her child, and was not on the end of her contact phone to be asked whether there was an emergency. I had a child of my own to meet coming out of school, and on one occasion was contemplating taking said toddler with me and waiting for her to contact me at home. It took a firm general reminder of the closing time and my own commitments to get her there on time.

The same lady appeared at the playgroup one morning near the start of a term, when I was at home suffering from flu, asking to speak specifically to me. The assistant told her I was ill, but she got my home address and came round in her designer clothes with her important question, which was - he would not be there for a week as they were taking a villa in the sun , so how much would I take off the terms fees? At that time, the fees were just covering the overheads and the assistants' wages, and I was working five days a week for nothing. So nothing is what I took off the fees.

glammanana Thu 09-Feb-12 13:06:31

Good for you elegran

Butternut Thu 09-Feb-12 13:08:54

Hope that resolves the issue, bagitha.

I agree with Elegran that a written collection policy circulated to all (and being signed by the parent as being read and understood) is something to look at. It does seem daft to have to go to these lengths, but better to be safe than sorry.

bagitha Thu 09-Feb-12 13:15:41

There is a Group meeting coming up later this month. I will bring up the matter of a collection policy. I implied in my email that we already had one! Here's hoping it will do the trick.

bagitha Thu 09-Feb-12 13:16:27

We do already have one based on common sense of course, but that is sometimes in short supply apparently.

supernana Thu 09-Feb-12 13:19:22

baggy wink

GoldenGran Thu 09-Feb-12 13:27:30

baggy How difficult for you, have the policy in writing and make sure they all read it.sunshine

yogagran Thu 09-Feb-12 13:31:38

That's the problem with common sense - it's not very common sad

bagitha Thu 09-Feb-12 14:27:09

All sorted smile. E's mum and I have had a good email conversation and agreed ground rules. She appreciates my concerns and "wouldn't have it any other way". Phew! I think she feels a bit let down by her friend though because she thought it had been agreed between them that Y would collect E. Y thought something different! I'm backing off now and wishing them luck in their negotiations!!!!

bagitha Thu 09-Feb-12 14:28:18

Funny how blethering on GN straightens things out. sunshine

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