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Losing a Loved one

(32 Posts)
helshea Wed 04-Jul-12 07:13:08

Hard to put into words all I am thinking at the moment, my father died yesterday and all I can think about now is making sure his funeral goes well and he is remembered the way he deserves. I need help on what to have sait at his funeral (although i myself will not be up to it) and firstly what to put in the paper from my mum myself and his grandchildren? Also what hymns poems etc. I just need to make sure its the best it can be!

whenim64 Wed 04-Jul-12 07:25:35

helshea deepest sympathies for the loss of your dad. I'm sure there will be lots of helpful suggestions to trigger your own thoughts about how you would like the funeral to be held. Look after yourself and please keep in touch so we know how you're getting on. flowers

Greatnan Wed 04-Jul-12 07:31:13

My commiserations - this poem by Christina Rossetti seems to give comfort to some people:

Remember me when I am gone away
Gone far away into the silent land
When you can no more take me by the hand
Nor I half turn to go, yet, turning, stay.
Remember me when no more, day by day,
You tell me of our future that you planned.
Only remember me, you understand
It will be late to counsel then or play.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve,
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Faye Wed 04-Jul-12 07:42:20

I am so sorry to hear your sad new helshea. My mother died seven months ago and my sister wrote the eulogy but I changed a lot of it as it was very sombre and I know Mum would not have liked it. I instead put in interesting and funny things that had happened to my mother during her life It seemed to go down well and my sister and brother were happy with it. flowers

glassortwo Wed 04-Jul-12 08:09:07

helshea deepest sympathy on the loss of your Dad. Thinking of you. Please take care of yourself. flowers

Learnergran Wed 04-Jul-12 08:19:26

Helshea, I'm so sorry you've lost your dad. Of course you want to do everything you can to make his funeral special enough for him and for everyone who loved him but try not to let this take over. Nobody will be marking his funeral out of ten. Concentrate on remembering the wonderful man he was, and be gentle with yourself flowers

Ella46 Wed 04-Jul-12 08:26:13

helshea So sorry to hear about your dad.
Mine died in April and I looked on the net for prayers/eulogies and hymns and found it very helpful.
In the end I wrote a short piece which the priest read out for me, and played Mozart's Requiem. No hymns, just a prayer.

There were only four of us there by my choice, and I know my dad would have been happy with my decision.

That's all that matters, that you do what is right for you and him. sad

Mishap Wed 04-Jul-12 08:30:33

Losing a parent is hard, whatever our age is, and I send my sympathy.

When my Mum died we asked her grandchildren to write their memories of her and one of them read their thoughts out at the funeral. It was a lovely way of saying that people live on through their children and their children's children. One of my daughters said "Grandma always knew that an ice cream needed a chocolate flake in it." - I thought that was a delightful tribute.

The beauty of getting the GC to do it was that, being younger, they spoke from the heart and they did not have any of the emotional baggage that often clutters our relationships with our parents.

Annobel Wed 04-Jul-12 09:10:28

helshea, I feel for you - it takes me back 23 years to my father's death and I still talk to him in my head. Give yourself a little time to think back over his life and talk to other members of your family. They will all have something to contribute. We're with you at this sad time. flowers

HildaW Wed 04-Jul-12 12:37:04

helshea, So sorry. Am sure you will do him proud. Just be true to yourself and your father, there is no right or wrong way. If he enjoyed certain music then have that played, there is no need to be artificially sombre if thats not the person her was. If, on the other hand, you know he would have wanted somthing more formal then go with that.
My deepest condolences to you and your family.

POGS Wed 04-Jul-12 12:58:13


Can't add to what will be said as it is personal to you and yours.

I do send much love to you, this is such a difficult time for

Anne58 Wed 04-Jul-12 13:36:07

Sorry for your loss, this is a poem we included in my sons order of service:

“You can shed tears that he is gone,

or you can smile because he has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that he’ll come back,

or you can open your eyes and see all he’s left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him,

or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him only that he is gone,

or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,

be empty and turn your back.

Or you can do what he’d want:

smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

Ella46 Wed 04-Jul-12 13:54:00

Exactly right phoenix xx

crimson Wed 04-Jul-12 14:55:00

Go with your instinct. There's no right or wrong when it's done with love. Big hug; we feel like orphans, no matter what age we are when this happens. Long forgotten memories will resurface and it will be as if you're on a journey. Take care.

Gally Wed 04-Jul-12 15:36:18

Helshea flowers

numberplease Wed 04-Jul-12 17:41:44

Deepest sympathy Helshea.

jeni Wed 04-Jul-12 18:02:50

At my fathers and mothers funerals we had a hymn they had had at their wedding, we also had it at our wedding and at dh's funeral.
It was
God be my head
And in my my understanding.

jeni Wed 04-Jul-12 18:04:20

Maccabaeus and crucifer are both good hymns as well!

Anne58 Wed 04-Jul-12 18:10:13

I think that we may all have forgotten to say that it is quite normal at this time to be completely focussed on the arrangements, as there is always so much to do and organise. Ones mind is so taken up with the practicalities that there seems to be little or no time to actually grieve. Helshea I hope that you manage to give your father the service that you wish for, and then that you have time to spend remembering all that he meant to you. flowers

greenmossgiel Wed 04-Jul-12 18:27:31

Helshea, I'm so sorry to hear about your father. I've missed your posts over the last months - you were one of the 'originals' on GN, I think? I hope that we can help you as you deal with your feelings and the things that have to be done just now. Keep in touch with us? flowers

Gally Wed 04-Jul-12 19:25:40

Jeni flowers That's what my Mum chose to have at her funeral - my eldest daughter sang it - very emotional

Ariadne Wed 04-Jul-12 19:27:29

Helshea ((hugs))

Libradi Wed 04-Jul-12 20:30:51

Deepest sympathy Helshea, so sorry for your loss flowers
What a lovely poem Phoenix

yogagran Wed 04-Jul-12 20:31:20

So sorry to hear your sad news Helshea flowers

kittylester Thu 05-Jul-12 05:52:02

Helshea (((hugs))) flowers