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Today I have finally cleared out.....

(27 Posts)
Gally Mon 15-Apr-13 17:35:19

...some of J's things from his wardrobe. It has taken 14 months for me to steel myself to do it. I was in the bedroom and for some strange reason I felt compelled to start taking his lovely suits out - well most of them - and now I want to put them all back in again. I feel as if I am letting him down packing them all into bin bags for the charity shop. Everything is a memory - the suit he wore to DD3's wedding 4 years ago, the suit he bought in Paris, the old trousers he wore at weekends, his dinner suit (and the new bow tie which I had bought for his last Christmas) the T-shirt DD2 gave him from Sydney, and so it goes on. I kept burying my head in them all trying to retrieve his smell, but it had gone. Am I doing the right thing? I don't know. I don't need the space but he isn't coming back to use them, so why keep them......... sad

moomin Mon 15-Apr-13 17:40:44

Oh Gally how very sad for you. I've not experienced loss in the same way as you ("just" separation then divorce), but I kept my Mum's handbag with her powder compact and bits and pieces including a card I made for her as a small girl for many, many years (she died when I was 18) and only managed to get rid of it 3 or 4 years ago, it was my last piece of something so personal to her, so I can understand just a tiny bit of what you are feeling at the moment. flowers

kittylester Mon 15-Apr-13 17:40:44

Gally I can't offer advice only a huge (((hug))). You've taken one step even if you put everything back for another day - just do what feels right for you. sunshine

janeainsworth Mon 15-Apr-13 17:41:35

Gally sad
I still have a couple of things of my mother's hanging in my wardrobe, not to wear, but the presence of them is somehow comforting.

sunseeker Mon 15-Apr-13 17:44:16

Oh Gally how I sympathise, I still have all my DH's things, and I recognise your comment about trying to "smell" him on his clothes. I have managed to put most of his clothes into vacuum bags but some are still in the wardrobe. I haven't gotten rid of anything yet - still have his toothbrush and shaver in the bathroom. It is so hard, I also recognise the feeling of "letting him down", I feel its as if by letting his things go I am wiping him from our home, foolish I know because every room has memories of him. My heart goes out to you flowers

grannyactivist Mon 15-Apr-13 17:46:24

Gally flowers
Only you can know when the time has come to sort out John's things; I don't say when the time is 'right' because I'm not honestly sure that there is ever going to be a 'right' time. If you were to picture him in the bedroom with you now, what advice would he be likely to give you?

bookdreamer Mon 15-Apr-13 17:55:44

I also kept my mum's compact and her make up bag. I didn't get rid of them till I moved to my flat.

What a difficult time for you gally. I think granny activist is right. If you were to picture him in your bedroom now what would he say.

flowerfriend Mon 15-Apr-13 18:26:26

-Gally* I feel for you. I have now sent most of DH's clothes to a wonderful french charity but I still have his dressing gown hanging up next to mine. And I think that that is where it will remain.

FlicketyB Mon 15-Apr-13 19:09:01

I inherited my mother's dressing gown. In the pocket was a clean cotton handkerchief. The dressing gown is long gone but the hanky stills lives in my current dressing gown pocket.

shysal Mon 15-Apr-13 19:09:30

Gally flowers

absent Mon 15-Apr-13 19:16:14

Gally Just do what feels right for you. Seems the right way to me.

merlotgran Mon 15-Apr-13 19:18:20

If you felt compelled to take your DH's clothes out of the wardrobe, gally then you should go with your instincts. You will know which items to keep and which ones to recycle, You are not getting rid of them as such because somebody else will benefit. flowers

Zengran Mon 15-Apr-13 19:43:35

Gally flowers
Go with your instinct, you don't have to do anything

wisewoman Mon 15-Apr-13 19:56:05

There is no right and wrong in this situation. You know what you need and if taking them out and putting them back is what you need today then that is "right' for you. You don't HAVE to do anything. No words of wisdom, just flowers and a virtual hug.

london Mon 15-Apr-13 20:09:25

Gally it took me 18 mth but i got rid of most of my DH clothes ,the rest i have put in a suit case too keep ,even the draw he used to keep things in is still excactly the way as he left it so i no how your feeling x

absent Mon 15-Apr-13 20:09:51

Gally Perhaps these fine and special clothes will become fine and special for someone else – a stranger – in the future who will be proud to wear an elegant suit to his daughter's wedding, his mother's funeral, his child's christening, the job interview that turns his life around. Pass the love on.

narg Mon 15-Apr-13 20:20:26

I still have all my DH's clothes. I cannot bear the thought of getting rid of any of them.
In the corner of the bedroom lie a jumper and jeans where he dropped them.It is one year since he died and I keep feeling that I should do something but I know that I cannot face it yet.I even rescued his favourite shirt-very old and worn that I had placed in a charity bag before he died and washed and ironed it and replaced it in the wardrobe. He only agreed to let it go to please me.Maybe one day I will be able to clear then out but not yet. Do whatever is right for you Gally.

Mishap Mon 15-Apr-13 20:40:15

I d feel for you. I am sure you will know what is right for you - you knew it was the moment to take them out and look at them again; so I am sure you will know when it is time for them to go to someone else who could enjoy them. But in your time.

HUNTERF Mon 15-Apr-13 21:02:30

I took my father's and my wife's clothes to the charity shop and my father took my mother's clothes.
We have kept the jewellery belonging to both and my daughters wear it.
You have got to do what you think is right.
My father outlived my mother by nearly 9 years.
Oddly enough the death of my wife seemed to upset my father more than my mother's passing.
He accepted my mother had a decent length of life but my wife did not.
Possibly the other thing was I met my wife at the age of 11 so she was like a daughter to my father.


Galen Mon 15-Apr-13 21:20:43

The only thing I have left now of my DH are the gold cuff links which I thought I'd lost but now have found again.
Those and all my lovely memories.
And not least:- my children.

POGS Mon 15-Apr-13 22:09:44

Gally. flowers

j08 Mon 15-Apr-13 22:20:21

flowers Gally

FlicketyB that is very touching. flowers

harrigran Mon 15-Apr-13 23:20:07

Gally flowers
Keep an item that has special memories.
I have my mother's leather gloves and still wear them, she has been dead 26 years in June.

Grannylin Mon 15-Apr-13 23:31:00

I have my Dad's leather gloves from Ulverston harri!Just wish I'd kept his walking stick, I could use it now.Don't be in a hurry Gally flowers

laidback Mon 15-Apr-13 23:53:28

I don't know if you're a reader Gally but this book was very helpful to me.'You'll get over it' by Virginia Ironside x