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Top five regrets of the dying

(25 Posts)
thatbags Fri 13-Sep-13 09:24:23

vampirequeen Fri 13-Sep-13 14:51:04

Gosh they're all so simple. I expected more exotic ones but they make so much sense. We don't live the lives we want to but those we're expected to live most of the time.

I know I've done more living in the last 6 years than I did in the previous 47 because I decided that I wasn't going to worry what people I didn't know/care about thought of me. So I've have leaf fights, made snow angels, took up cycling and dancing and done a host of other things that people might or might not approve of for a woman of my age/size and believe me it's great fun grin

Jendurham Fri 13-Sep-13 14:58:13

My husband's main regret was that he had to starve himself to death, and stop drinking when he was dying of brain cancer. This was after he had written a living will.
I think many people will regret not having done that when they are dying.

vampirequeen Fri 13-Sep-13 15:00:02

That's terrible.

thatbags Fri 13-Sep-13 15:47:00

It is terrible, jendurham, and very sad. It's because of stories like that that I support assisted dying where someone who is dying can get help to end their suffering.

Movedalot Fri 13-Sep-13 16:17:45

I'm with vampire doing lots more of the things I want to do now that we are retired.

Isn't there a quotation which goes something like: no one ever said on their death bed that they wished they had spent more time at work?

I know that I was far too conscientious at work and worked very long hours for an employer who never appreciated it. I would encourage our DSs to think more about themselves and less about the company they work for. If I could go back and change one thing it would be that.

vampirequeen Fri 13-Sep-13 19:00:32

I've discovered that life is for living not for worrying about what other people think about you. Most don't even notice you and of those who do the majority wish they had the guts to have fun too.

Iam64 Fri 13-Sep-13 19:23:59

The death of 3 good friends this year has made me think on - again about living life. All 3 were good people, around age 60, none with high risk lifestyles, all died within weeks of a diagnosis of cancer. The only positive is that they had all enjoyed life, and with increasing vigour as they got older. Their deaths have made me feel every day is a bonus, to be enjoyed as much as is possible. Also, a real cliche - but life is about love isn't it

Gally Fri 13-Sep-13 19:39:11

I agree with 4 of the 5. I would add 'I wish I had spoken more to my DH about his illness and what he would have liked me to do after he died' but we were too busy just getting on with things and possibly pretending things weren't so bad. I am trying to make the most of what is left of my life, but it is very difficult to 'get on the bike again' and get going. You only go round once - make the most of it wink

Jendurham Fri 13-Sep-13 23:55:11

I regret not taking Ken to Glasgow for his 65th birthday as he wanted.
His birthday was the end of July and he wanted to see the Rennie Mackintosh Buildings. I did not want to drive to and through Glasgow in the summer holidays, so I said we would go later on in the year. He agreed.
We went to lots of National Trust and English Heritage buildings in the Midlands instead.
Then he had his first fit in August and the brain tumour was discovered in September, so we never went anywhere else again.
Because of his health for the previous 15 years, we had always told people that if they had anything they really wanted to do, not to put it off, because you never know what's going to happen, and that's what we did.

Sel Sat 14-Sep-13 00:13:07

Jendurham flowers so very sad - and for Gally too flowers

Movedalot Sat 14-Sep-13 11:50:15

Jendurham and Gally so sad for you both. flowers

DH and I are very aware that tomorrow may never come so we try to make as many happy memories as we can so that if one of us is left behind they will have plenty of photos and memories of good times. I don't think we will have regrets about our marriage but of course who knows how we will deal with it if one of us has a life threatening illness?

Since retirement we spend so much more time together and do more 'things' as we don't have to make time to go to work!

Tegan Sat 14-Sep-13 12:01:18

Jendurham; Glasgow is such a frenetic sort of city and the Mackintosh places are quite dispersed so it's understandable that you didn't want to go there. Would it be insensitive of me to say how about going there one day and seeing them on his behalf; it could be cathartic? flowers

Galen Sat 14-Sep-13 12:27:22

I don't think I'd regret anything? I think my husband only regretted the fact he was dying!

janeainsworth Sat 14-Sep-13 13:07:39

Galen well said. I think I've mostly done the things in that list, but I still want to live till I'm 90.

j08 Sat 14-Sep-13 13:15:59

That's very good Galen.

I don't think I will be thinking about what I regret tbh. More likely, "Why the fuck didn't I look both ways?!".

soop Sat 14-Sep-13 13:21:04

grin jings

absent Sat 14-Sep-13 19:49:25

Okay, so who was it who made it their business to bother dying strangers by asking them what they regretted?

j08 Sat 14-Sep-13 19:53:40

Don't know Absent. Who was it?

Stansgran Sat 14-Sep-13 20:27:59

I suspect they asked the rellies.

absent Sat 14-Sep-13 22:10:11

Stansgran Just what you want when your beloved mother/father/husband/wife/brother/sister has just died. I just wonder of those who are actually aware and admit that they are dying, how many people burble on about their regrets.

Ana Sat 14-Sep-13 22:15:40

Perhaps they filled in a questionnaire. Why not? There must be forums for people who are dying.

Jendurham Sat 14-Sep-13 22:19:06

Having just had an aortic dissection and now being a living timebomb, I assume I am allowed to say what I regret.
Tegan, I had a few trips planned for this year, again putting off Glasgow.
It was hard enough going to York where we lived for ten years. However, I now cannot carry anything weighing more than 5kg., so I have to sort that out. Went to the Yorkshire Dales with my son and his family at half term, but he had to carry my suitcase, and I could hardly walk far without getting out of breath.

Stansgran Sun 15-Sep-13 09:56:10

Jen some friends recently visited Glasgow for a short break but it was geared to Rennie mackintosh and well organised. No carrying . Also knowledgeable guides. I've forgotten who the tour was arranged by not NT similar.

Jendurham Sun 15-Sep-13 12:20:13

Thanks Stansgran. It could be the Guardian holiday. Friends of ours went on it 2 years ago. Knowing that we wanted to go there, they bought a Rennie Mackintosh guide book and annotated it, to tell us what they thought Ken would be able to manage, even counting the number of steps.
I think I'd be bursting into tears all the time if I did that on my own, or even with someone else.