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Good or bad news :/

(7 Posts)
Saphire68 Mon 01-Sep-14 10:16:41

Hi All ,

I am new here and glad i found your site . I needed to talk.

I am a mum of one daughter who i am now please to say i am proud of .
Has her license , has a full time job but only been there for 3 weeks, happy content , has her own car and life is good.

About an hour ago , she called to say she is pregnant , my daughter took the morning after pill but still felt pregnant. The pharmacy wouldnt sell it to her so i had to buy it for her . She has a boyfriend who does not have a job , still . I am an assistant nurse and have been studying my Diploma of nursing to get someone in life , ( i feel and relate to the forum with the thread - regrets ) no confidence, am a hermit at home , and my family life a state away. I have studied courses and they have not been recognized by my work, so moving am on. I am a little afraid because this is out of my comfort zone .

However i am not ready to be a nan and i dont think my daughter is. Everything seemed to be fine , now this news. I was bought up with morals and values and have taught my daughter these. I was married , had a house and money for when my daughter was born . When my daughters father left me , my daughter was 3 years old . I have struggled bringing my daughter up as a single mum, it wasn't easy , i didnt want my daughter to do it tough. i work part time ( as work only employers part time ) and have had 2 to 3 jobs at times and also studying . I am totally exhausted and was thinking of moving closer to my family, another state away . Know i dont know what to do , please help confused

vampirequeen Mon 01-Sep-14 10:29:03

My youngest daughter fell pregnant by accident when she was 19. Like all mothers I wanted her to have a comfortable life with all the experiences and opportunities that I didn't have.

We discussed abortion for all of 10 seconds. It was her decision. I would have gone along with whatever she decided. But at the end of the day a baby is a gift. Sorry I know that's soppy but it's how I feel about it. I struggled to bring up my girls but I never regretted having them and she's never regretted having her daughter.

Times have changed. It's perfectly possible for a woman to have a career and a baby these days.

HollyDaze Mon 01-Sep-14 10:36:12

Might it be better to wait and see if she is pregnant or not? If she took the morning after pill, she may still feel pregnant but isn't. I think you are trying to cross bridges before you come to them. Wait and see whether or not it is confirmed and then your daughter will be able to discuss the reality of the situation rather than the fear of what might be.

suebailey1 Mon 01-Sep-14 10:58:15

Perhaps you could go an see a qualified professional to help you and your daughter come to the best decision for you both.

KatyK Mon 01-Sep-14 11:20:23

I became a nan at 50. I was horrified for a while when my daughter told me she was pregnant (but pleased for DD and SIL obviously). I thought 'me a grandmother, oh no I can't bear it'. However, it is wonderful. GD is 14 now and I am still young enough to have fun with her.

Kiora Mon 01-Sep-14 17:36:39

Oh dear Saphire I can almost feel your pain. I was in a similar position 19 years ago. I am afraid it's your daughter who will make all the decisions. That's partly why it's such a hard burden to carry. To all intents and purpose it's out of your control but you will end up 'carrying the can' that's unless you can be very hard. I remember feeling very disappointed, not ashamed it was because I knew her life would be hard and I had hoped that she'd have a better life. Her boyfriend was a complete waster and I knew he would be useless. Obviously at the time she thought he was wonderful. Mostly I remember the shock (sometimes I think we are still reeling from it all these years later) I think you'll just have to hold on tight and hope for the best. I hope you manage to keep up with your studies. If I had my time over again the one thing I'd change is my panic. I wish I'd just gone along with her decisions. At the end of the day you may very well get a grandchild that you'll love and adore. ...I did.

annodomini Mon 01-Sep-14 18:04:59

I wasn't overjoyed when my son's girlfriend got pregnant, but I made the best of it and maintained contact with her, even when my son went abroad to work and the relationship broke down. My GD was born when I was 50 and still busy with work and other activities. But she meant and still (at 22) means so much to me. Don't despair, Sapphire. I hope you will have a grandchild who means as much to you as mine does to me.