Gransnet forums

Other subjects

Last night I dreamt

(29 Posts)
morethan2 Fri 11-Dec-15 07:55:39

About my mum who died in 1979. I wish I hadn't because now I'm feeling wretched. Weeping and grief stricken all over again. I dreamt about her a lot in the first two years, then intermittently and less as time went on. Birthdays and anniversaries mostly. But nothing at all in the last five years. Last night I was with one of my sisters ( who hasn't spoken to me since my dad died about two years ago) and my mother was waiting for me. She showed me were she was living and said it was lovely. She asked about my children and I went to get some photos and when I returned she'd gone. I wandered round this strange tidy house looking for her until someone said very matter of factly Oh she's gone. I ran out to see if I could catch up with her. Then woke up in this state. What a bummer!sad Any of you had a similar dream after so long?

soontobe Fri 11-Dec-15 09:26:56

[hugs] Maybe christmas is stirring things up for you? I find dreaming about those who have died, comforting after a few years. But I seem to know at some point in the dream, that they may no longer be alive really.

Anniebach Fri 11-Dec-15 10:01:56

Are you missing your sister morethan?

I had a dream recently about my husband , he died 1975, it was wonderful , we laughed together , he was still young and I didn't feel old , woke up and felt such grief , I felt as I did forty years ago , wanted to go back to sleep in the silly hope I would continue with the dream . I do so feel for you x

rosequartz Fri 11-Dec-15 10:07:33

You maynot want to, but if it were me I would take it as a sign that your mum w8uld like you and your sister to mend bridges.

I don't know the story, and you may not want to risk being rebuffed and more heartache however.

flowers

rosequartz Fri 11-Dec-15 10:08:03

Typos, sorry!

morethan2 Fri 11-Dec-15 10:19:34

I don't know really, my MiL who I'm quite close to is probably not going to see another Christmas and was put in (probably not the right expression) a home this year. We were told she wasn't expected to live longer than three months. Her house has been cleared and about to be given back and she doesn't know. My mothers sister who I think of as a cross between my mum,sister and friend is awaiting tests on a mass they've found. I'm not in a daily state about any of this stuff because I'm doing an impression of the proverbial ostrich so life can go on as normal. Or it may be because I read and posted the thread about remembering your grandparents. Who knows. But it's been very unsettling and I'm still feeling sad

Anniebach Fri 11-Dec-15 10:40:35

You are coping with a lot,little wonder you felt such a longing for you .mother x

morethan2 Fri 11-Dec-15 11:26:21

Thanks Annieback do you think we still long for our own mothers after this length of time and at this age.(I'm not far off 20 years older than she was when she died) and after dealing with all the storms we have to negotiate to get to this age? A good idea for another thread me thinks. But I'm not up to it today...interesting though,perhaps you could........

rosequartz Fri 11-Dec-15 11:29:45

All our anxieties can get mixed and mashed together and appear in our dreams, which can seem very strange sometimes.

Anniebach Fri 11-Dec-15 11:57:08

I think it natural to need our mothers , may I share this.. My Mums mother died two days after giving birth to my Mum. My Mum was brought up by her mothers sister - who never had a child - Mum was adored, cherished by her aunt and returned the love. When my Mum gave birth to her first child - me- she had a very long , difficult labour , a home birth then, a great aunt who was the midwife said for quite some time after she couldn't dismiss the cries of my Mum calling for her mother ! She said the longing in Mums voice was heartbreaking . Think of adults adopted when babies who spend years searching for their birth mother. I think it is such a strong bond which never breaks , and would we want it too x

Helmsley444 Fri 11-Dec-15 16:44:10

I lost my mum in 1998 and my only sister in 2012, both to cancer.I dream abt them nearly twice or more everly week.I think its a sign that they are to telling you to assure you that they are together and are fine.Im not reliously in any way, but ive had signs fron both of them other than the dreams which make me concretly believe they are safe and together.In the only female now left out of the siblings.

janeainsworth Fri 11-Dec-15 18:33:29

morethan I feel for you. I think it's hard when parents die in young or middle age - far from time being a healer, you just become more aware of all the things in your own life that your parent has missed - seeing your own children, their grandchildren.
My dad died in 1976 and never saw his grandchildren. He would have loved them. He would have been 94 last Tuesday and I felt such a pang of grief for him.
Dreams can be so unsettling. Can you feel that yours was a visit from your mother, rather than a loss all over again?
flowers for you.

Daddima Fri 11-Dec-15 19:20:20

I often dream of my parents, though they have been dead for many years. The theme of the dream is always that we are in a house which is very messy, and I am trying to tidy it up. My professional training tells me that I have unresolved bereavement issues ( with which I can't disagree!)

Falconbird Sat 12-Dec-15 06:00:11

Daddima -

I have lost both my parents and my dh but I don't have dreams about them (or very rarely.) Does this mean I don't have unresolved bereavement issues?

My dh passed away almost 3 and a half years ago and I did expect to have dreams or maybe nightmares, but I haven't.

I miss all three of them very much especially at this time of year.

Andyf Sat 12-Dec-15 08:41:54

I often dream that I am looking for my parents. Mum died when I was just three and my father died before I was born.
I dream that someone tells me they've just seen my one of my parents (usually my mother), I'm then rushing to get there, all the time thinking about the things I must tell her.
Obviously when I get there she's gone, I have no memories of ever seeing her so I don't suppose I'll get to see her in my dreams either. This dream leaves me feeling drained for a while.
I've heard people say that what you've never had you never miss, it's not true.

Jaxie Sat 12-Dec-15 11:08:24

Not long after my mother died I had a dream that I was delivering leaflets on a suburban road and spotted an old lady sitting in the picture window of a house. As I neared I recognised my mother; I was filled with joy and shouted "She's NOT dead after all." Then the dream ended. Seeing my mother lying dead in hospital was a sight that lives with me. I don't think I was kind enough to her. She was disabled, and deserted by my father; she brought my brother and me up as best she could and never complained, but I was selfish and didn't spend much time with her. I am wracked with remorse, and frequently address her with apologies and weep over my behaviour. If there is personal survival after death I know she forgives me, which is a comfort. This has been most cathartic; thanks for reading it all you grans out there.

Sugarpufffairy Sat 12-Dec-15 14:45:39

Daddima - I would be interested in knowing what professional training you have had in this connection. I am a mess of grief and I am trying to struggle through it on my own.
Thanks

morethan2 Sat 12-Dec-15 20:57:31

Thanks for sharing everyone. Your post janeainsworth was spot on I am more aware of what my mum missed. Mostly that makes me grateful For the extra years I've had. jaxie I think remorse and regret are a normal part of grieving. Most of us were selfish when younger until life or indeed death itself teaches us the consequences. Unfortunately we often find out to late. Your mother sounds like she was a devoted wonderful mother and would have understood normal human failings. ((((Hugs))) to you all I hope I haven't stirred up distress for any of you. I'm not as sad today, but my memories of her have been stirred up but I'm trying to remember her positive influence on me rather than the loss

specki4eyes Sun 13-Dec-15 06:44:29

I had a dream once had about the Love of my Life (mutual and unrequited because we were both married to others). He took his own life some years after we had reluctantly let each other go. I dreamed we met by chance 20 years later ..He was wearing a tweed coat,his hair was grey, he wrapped his arms around me and I caught his unique scent that I remembered. The overwhelming feeling for me was that NOW everything was resolved and the pain of regret was over, just the ecstasy of us finally being together to come. Then my alarm went off and I was aghast that it had just been a dream. Still am .. years afterwards.

thatbags Sun 13-Dec-15 07:02:49

Last night I dreamt that I bought a lime green moped.

Willow500 Sun 13-Dec-15 07:16:26

I dreamed about my mum this week too - I think it's due to the Christmas period remembering such great times together both as a child and an adult. She died 3 years ago aged 92 but had had AZ for the last 3 years of her life as did my dad who died 2 years earlier so really I 'lost' them several years before they actually passed away. In my dreams they are always fit and well but there is usually some anxiety attached to the dreams - either I can't find them or we're trying to do something impossible. I try not to think about it too deeply!

NanaPlenty Mon 14-Dec-15 11:55:00

I have been feeling poorly for the last week with a bad chest infection. At night I dreamt about my mum and I heard my dad singing. I take this as a sign that although they aren't in this life anymore they still watch over you and however old you are they are still your parents and still love you. Yes it makes you feel a bit sad sometimes but it's also reassuring.

grannyactivist Mon 14-Dec-15 12:06:35

My mum is dying and receiving End of Life care at home and I recently spent a few weeks in Manchester looking after her; since returning home I dream most nights that she's died. The first thing I do on waking is check my phone in case I've missed a call and then it takes a while to shake off the feeling.
After my brother died when I was a teenager I used to wake up in the night thinking I'd heard him crying - he died just before Christmas and even though it was such a long time ago now I still think of him at this time of year.

Marmight Mon 14-Dec-15 12:39:55

GA flowers I hope your Mum slips gently and peacefully away when the time comes.
I rarely remember dreams once I have woken up, but I do know that only very occasionally are my departed relatives part of those dreams. My DH very occasionally appears as does my Dad, but never my Mum. I am always upset if I dream of DH so perhaps that's why he steers clear!

Daddima Mon 14-Dec-15 12:46:19

Falconbird, it's the dreaming being about trying to clear up a mess that tells me I've still not sorted things out, rather than my parents being in the dreams! I always get really angry at them in the dreams, as they're always doing other stuff, and leaving me to clear up the mess. So it looks like I'm still angry at them for dying.

Sugarpuff, I worked as a bereavement counsellor for a number of years. It's never too late to talk things through with somebody, especially if, at the time someone close died, you maybe kept things to yourself ( often for fear of upsetting other family members) or feel you didn't get the chance to say goodbye properly.

I'd get in touch with CRUSE, they can be a great help.