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Ungrateful relations

(10 Posts)
Maddcow Thu 27-Oct-16 09:54:19

Every year, for both Christmas & birthday, I give £10 to all 9 great nieces & nephews; most of them send thank you notes/texts/emails but one family with three offspring don't. I am loathe to send anything this Christmas to this particular part of the family, our relationship is strained anyway but is that mean when I send to the rest? Thoughts please-it isn't the children's fault I know but short of actually asking for acknowledgement of receipt, not sure how I can omit them?

Charleygirl Thu 27-Oct-16 09:59:26

If you send it by post I do not think it unreasonable to ring and ask if it was received.

I agree, the problem is that that you are punishing the children and it is not their fault unless they are old enough to put pen to paper or send a text themselves.

br0adwater Thu 27-Oct-16 11:32:06

You sound very generous. That's quite a lot to find each year and I hope they all send you at least a card for birthday and Christmas. If so, would they expect a thank you? Everyone is different. My DiL never acknowledges cards or presents so I don't expect the GC will either when old enough. I know no offence is meant and put it down to bad manners in an otherwise kind person.

I wonder if you are sending cash by post. If so it's wise to check it arrived. If you send a cheque this might be a real nuisance to the parents who have to pay it in when they do all their other banking online.

As you say, it's not the children's fault so just treat them the same as the others. Otherwise the relationship will become even more strained.

rubylady Fri 28-Oct-16 07:49:19

If the children are old enough to make a call or send a message, then just add a little message and your phone number to the card you send the money in, if this is what you do. Sometimes youngsters loose phones and numbers so a little reminder wouldn't go amiss, and you would be teaching them good manners too. X

f77ms Fri 28-Oct-16 09:57:04

It annoys me too when I send money for birthdays Christmas etc and never get a thank you. It is just common courtesy. My Mum used to make us write a thank you note, which I must admit I hated doing, but realise now it was the right thing . A few years ago the family decided that we would all only buy presents for the children at Christmas , it is such a relief . I don`t get any presents at all now which suits me , it is all such an exercise in excess . I give a modest amount to a homeless charity and we buy ourselves to some nice treats to eat ! I am sure I will get some Bah Humbug type remarks but don`t knock it till you try it !!!

wot Fri 28-Oct-16 10:00:35

It's very disheartening when people don't thank you and so rude, too!

rubylady Mon 31-Oct-16 03:41:04

f77ms I am sure that you are allowed to spend your money as you want to. I don't blame you for getting some nice treats at Christmas, you have earned them all year. I have bought some things to make up my own hamper, chutneys, jams, ham, and I will put them in the basket I have with some shredded paper, probably with my eyes closed and then I can't see what they look like and it will be a surprise on the day! I will also give to charity, as I already have. My Hermes delivery lady had her head shaved for the local hospice and I sponsored her and then I phoned when Stand Up to Cancer was on and donated. So we are allowed our little cheese and pickle, guilt free. smile

wot Sat 12-Nov-16 17:31:25

Aw!! That's so sweet of you Ruby!

Synonymous Sat 12-Nov-16 17:49:53

Maddcow if it really annoys you how about a little note on the card to say, "If you would rather not receive any future presents please do not send thanks or acknowledgements so that instead, on future occasions, an equivalent donation will be sent on your behalf to.......... " At least that way you can make a decision.

I stopped sending to young relatives when they reached their majority if there was no 'thank you' note. sad

jollyg Sun 13-Nov-16 09:17:11

Now I send money to parents by bank transfer, at least I know its arrived, for the parent to distribute.

Dont get any thanks. The money will stop when they are of age.