granparents and parents 'stuff' siting in boxes

Talking about photo albums I have lots of them too. Some for our children and their children, some of other relatives children. Some of holidays. I have told my children they will have the ones of their children when we die. What they do with them is up to them. I cannot part with them just now.

We were lucky in a way because we were in married quarters when we first got married. We got rid of stuff every time we moved house....15 times in all. We have now been in our house for over 20 years so have accumulated more stuff. Also 3 children have left home, leaving their 'stuff' behind. We had it in the loft for a while, then we gave them an ultimatum...move by (date) or it will be given away....it has gone. Unfortunately now they have children of their own people started leaving toys here for them to play with! We have enough stuff of our own and I have been moving books to charity shops for a while now once they are read....I have loads of books. I also gave my drawing and painting books to schools who were very grateful for them. OH gave away his sheet music to some boy who is studying to play the organ. However he still clings to stuff given to him when parents died. My problem is that I do not like throwing away things that are still in good condition...ie bed covers, gadgets, shoes I will never wear again, and I still have 3 times Mother of the Groom outfits hanging in the wardrobe that have only been worn once. Must get a grip!

When we massively downsized to our current home three years ago I gave so much away and am pleased to say that many people benefited. We also donated stuff to charities and enabled them to claim tax back on what they raised from our items and were amazed and very pleased for them at their grand totals which they wrote and informed us about. Our new home was an executors sale and I told DH to look at the place as a terrible warning as it was stuffed to the gunwhales and took the poor family weeks to empty it. They tried to sell us much of the contents but there was nothing that we wanted, particularly at the price they were asking, so they sent it to salerooms where apparently the items didn't raise very much at all once the commissions were deducted. They finally left white goods and odd stuff they didn't know what to do with and we found homes for much of it through charities and tipped the rest.
DH brought the entire contents of his shed and garage with us and has not looked at it since so I am going through it with one of his friends under the guise of organising it for him for when he gets better. Thankfully our friend is pretty ruthless and a good collaborator! We had a roof box when we moved to our last house over 30 years ago and DH has stubbornly held on to it as "it is too good to bin" and I have got him to find the keys for it so that our friend can pass it on to one of his friends. DH is quite happy about that but does not know that the friend actually works in the local tip and what he does with it is his business! I feel dreadful about my scheming but it is such a huge item which we have had to work round for donkeys year's. I hope he never finds out where it is/has gone as I will never hear the end of it. DH already bemoans the stuff that I got rid of with the help of DD and DDIL when we moved and he also retrieved loads of things which gradually reappeared much to our annoyance. Anyway he does not realise that I am still binning and I am not telling him either.
As others have said the biggest problem is the old paperwork and generations of photos. I do need DH to work with me on those because if I tackle that lot on my own there could be a murder - mine!

That’s ok Meno the explanation is that my Mother died not all that long after I got married and my Step-Father simply sold up and moved on ( to I knew not where!) I lived hundreds of miles away in any case.They didn’t have a great deal, so there wouldn't have been much I dare say, but I could have chosen a few books or an ornament. I always got on well with him, but he was a bit odd.
My Father died with debts and left nothing at all.

Can I ask why you don't have anything Lemon? Don't answer if rather not just asking

We had a big clear out while Dh was re insulating the loft - everything had to come out and we took the opportunity to take a lot of stuff to various charity shops. I later heard from Oxfam that our donations had raised over £200 - and Oxfam was just one. I still don't know what can have raised that much - there were a couple of Wedgewood vases so maybe it was those, but I didn't like them anyway.

The older I get, the less I want 'stuff' - I'm all too aware of what a job it'll be for dds to get rid of it all one day.

Dh couldn't bring himself to get rid of a lot of his parents' stuff after the last one died - stacks of it went into storage and he only chucked it several years later.
OTOH we had to clear my mother's house while she was still alive - house had to be sold for care hime fees - and I think it's worse doing it like that - you feel as if you're throwing the person's life away. We did find Freecycle very good - had an open afternoon, and it was amazing what people came and took away - even various bits of crockery/kitchen equipment which I'd have hesitated to take to charity shops on account of being a bit too old or battered.

I don’t have anything from my parents, ( not a single thing) which is a shame as I would have liked a memento, but I have a few photo’s of them, which I will pass on to the AC in due course.
However, to the OP, I would say keep whatever you like, ask your AC if they would like something, and then if anything is valuable sell it, if not to a charity shop.
Only hold on to something if you really want it.

As I was sorting out today I wondered why I was worrying so much about my DMIL's stuff - there are one or two things I would like to keep for sentimental reasons but really I should let DH make the decisions.

I never thought of auction.

I am in the process of clearing stuff, much of it from my ancestors who have passed things down. Everything I clear out I initially ask my 3 daughters if they want various items, if they don't I send them to auction. The money I get from them I share out among my 7 grandchildren. I will continue to do this and, although I felt guilty at first, I no longer do. The items are with someone who appreciates them.

Me neither pollyperkins - however DH is keen to shred loads of old photographs and I am having a struggle stopping him.

I have felt so sad reading through these comments. My family were quite poor when I was little so we were always pleased when a "new to us" thing came along - furniture, books, clothes etc. So I've kept things and they are precious to me, but nowadays young people want to have all brand new. Like you magicwriter, my sons have said they will get a skip - so I am trying to do a bag a day of "weeding". The Marie Kondo method is quite useful - she says if you hold something to you and it gives you joy then to keep it. A lot of my stuff doesn't bring me joy - but it's hard work letting go!

I would never ever get rid of or shred family photos. I've got shelves full of albums and now make a printed photo book of the best digital photos each year. I think that though technology moves on and stuff on computers, discs , memory sticks etc may become lost, printed books of photos will always be available to view. If the family want to chuck it all out when I'm gone ,so be it, I wont be here, but atm they still show and interest at least in the more recent photos featuring people they remember! I also have a box of significant paper memories with some letters, programnes etc. Most of my parents stuff has gone, except some furniture, some (not all) books
- and some old china which is in the attic. Not sure what to do with the latter.
We have clwared the attick of a lot of stuff already including school and university notes for us both and lots of old carpeting etc which we thought might come in useful. It didnt!

Brilliant idea. Thank you

Well, I am dreading sorting my mother's house out when she dies. She continually buys stuff she will never use and upstairs is like a warehouse.

She had said to me 'Don't throw my stuff out when I'm gone. It cost a lot you know.'

Well, I will be getting in a house clearance firm to deal with it. I've been through it once with my late mil, never again!!!

A few points to respond to:
If upholstered furniture is old enough (pre about 1955 I think), it doesn't need a fire certificate. We thought we would have to throw out my stepmum's Art Deco suite (1940s) but in fact it was a collector's item and fetched over £700 at auction.

Things that may have archive or historical value (documents, photos) are only as much use as your filing system. If a few items of interest are stored in among mountains of dross, they'll all end up being binned.

EBay, car boot sales etc can be fun and raise some money but they're time consuming. When we were house-clearing, two of us had arrived in a small car and simply hadn't room to take much stuff away. Most things just had to go to charities or auctions. It makes more sense to sell or give away items once you've no further use for them, rather than leave it all for your children to sort or chuck in a skip.

Can I offer a tip to those people who are having to shred lots of paperwork?

Put a washing up bowl of water in the sink. Drop lots of the papers into it. Leave to soak for 15 minutes, then pick them out - all together - wring them out - easy when wet - and voila! You have papers no one will ever be able to separate or read! OH puts some of in the compost, but most goes straight into recycling. It takes minutes instead of hours and there are no fly-a-away strips of paper to deal with afterwards.

I have downsized twice in the last 7 years, moved from 4 bed house to 2 bed Park Home so we got rid of a lot then, Charity Shops & tip.

2nd time I downsized after DH died, I had to take almost everything with me as I hadn't bought a new property. Everything into storage, once I had found my property we sorted into what I needed, what I needed to check before disposing of things, charity shop, car boot (DD did that) & tip. DD also sold some large items straight from storage unit. Also DD took some of my kitchenware which I no longer needed/had room for.

DD has told my that my collections will be sold, not her taste (DD collects Football memorabilia)

DM has nothing in her attic, we cleared that years ago when she could no longer manage loft ladder.

Most of DM's "stuff will be sold, charity shop or tip' DD & I have already earmarked a couple of items to keep.

I have family history so I will take the old photos which DM has put names on.

A word of caution regarding any furniture which doesn't have the fire retardant label, it is illegal to give this away, it has to go to landfill

We had a good clearout when we we2te moving abroad 10 years and gave away so msny things I didn't think I would need. Yet I soon realised that I eas foolish to think I wouldnt need my Kenwood Chef and large saucepans etc. The phitis I went through saving ones that were more mine than family ones. I divided up into the two families. My older children had a meet up and decided that they would keep the albums complete with my eldest daughter and then ones og themselves thst were loose. The other box went to my only daughter who is not ill from my second family. Ten years on and there seems to be a lot of clutter to be sorted again. It was bad enough when my Mum died and I had such a lot to sort out despite having given away many things before we left England. I cant imagine my children wanting anything much from here so dont know what will happen as there are very few charity shops here.

Looking at the question from a different angle - we're currently having a clearout due to moving house. I say "we", I have very few possessions, but husband is an accumulator and he now seems to realise what a problem he has.
I'm leaving it to him. Books are the main things.
And workshop equipment. Even clothes (how many shirts do you need?)

I live on my own no family. In a 3 bed house. Have seriously been thinking of a clear out but it is emotional. I am keeping all the plastic bags which come through the door as thinking about doing it in the Spring. In case I can afford to downsize.

In defense of the younger generation, they are typically in much more cramped accommodation than our generation, and our middle aged children are probably already having to store belongings of their children who are already in even smaller flats. But it's a bit short sighted to not cast an eye over the stuff yourself - many a valuable may be missed and taken advantage of by the clearance company.

My daughters have already told me they will just hire a skip to put all my 'rubbish' in. Don't think the younger generation 'hang on' to things so much as we do. They have grown up in a more 'throwaway' society than we have. I am trying to train myself to stop hoarding stuff just because it has 'sentimental' value. If I don't love it or it's not useful I put it to a charity shop and let someone else have it. But it's not easy!

My brother cleared out after our mother died, as my dad was relocating to a retirement flat ...all he kept was one trunk full of memorabilia (photos, little bone china ornaments with 'A gift from Great Yarmouth etc on them (saw some on the Antiques RS a while back ...now have a little value !) my grandad's clock and a few very ancient ancestors stuff she had kept. I cleared out my late dad's flat and only kept his watch (only sentimental value) a book of his drawings, and his wooden sailor ! My daughter's boyfriend of the time did discos in his spare time, old folks homes, anniversaries, etc so he was delighted with all the old records and 50's themed CD's .. My daughter had the tv and video recorder (in those days they were still around !) and a few books ......everything else went to the Charity shop. He had a new three piece I offered to the Salvation Army, but they said they could only accept furniture with a fire certificate, which was a shame ......my friend had it instead !

As for me, well I am not dead yet, but when I sold my house in the UK my new husband already had a house full of stuff, and (althoug h mine was better and a lot newer !..the cost of moving it abroad would have been a silly amount so my daughter had all my furniture for her student house at Uni (subsequently burnt it down !) ....the rest went to the hospital I worked in for their shop or re distribution to needy causes ...books and music also to my daughter ...some stuff to friends and neighbours ,,,,and all I had to take was most of my clothes ! Somehow in the intervening 17 years I seem to have accumulated it all again .....oh dear ! big bonfire I think if I ever get to downsize to my little flat ...............

I actually wonder if this hoarding comes under the heading of 'this might be useful to someone someday' since many of us remember days of frugality and hardship

I think you are right Kim19.
I know I am much better off than my parents were but we had so little when we were growing up that we cherished possessions. We also had to save very hard to get things too so we valued everything. Nothing has come easily, so disposing of 'stuff' at a whim, without deliberating, has proved to be SO difficult.

However, it would seem that others won't pay much for good stuff. Our recent foray into Ebay saw us selling off OH's four Tiffany lamps for less than £30. We sold a beautifully made old stripped pine chest of drawers for £19. Yet online stores sell them for over £100. They are only worth as much as people are prepared to pay for them I suppose and we didn't need them any more. Ebay has proved to be heck of a lot of work and effort for little return.

I see value in almost everything. I am going through clothes now because I have far too many. So many jackets have been hardly worn but I might as well donate them. I have noticed people DO give lovely hardly worn stuff to charity shops - some stuff on the rails looks as good as new - so that has inspired me to just put clothes into a bag without dithering over each piece and to get them out of the house. It is proving to be very hard but I must bite the bullet. Giving it away or taking it to the tip is what I have to do. It's hard.

Having in the course of the last twenty years had to deal with my parents' estate (compulsive hoarders) my maternal aunt's, plus moving in uncertain circumstances ourselves, I have been well and truly through this mill!

Now I am downto dealing with family photos that I know my late sister's children won't want and the last two boxes of family documents. Sorting in categories: bin, local archives, or charities.

As far as our own things go, tax papers, receipts etc. sorted just before New Year every year and oldest lot disposed of, when the new lot go into box in attic.

Am currently trying to dispose of a nearly complete Vignette stoneware dinner service that started as my great-grandparents and a tea and coffee service in Bohemian china from before WWI any takers?