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Coroners Inquests

(130 Posts)
Anniebach Sun 04-Feb-18 13:13:29

The inquest into my darling daughters death is on .Tuesday. I am not going. What can I expect? , have never attended one, didn't go to my husbands inquest . I am getting very anxious about it.

Luckygirl Sun 04-Feb-18 13:18:13

flowers - will be thinking of you. x

Anniebach Sun 04-Feb-18 13:26:56

Thank you Luckygirl . I want to go because I want to protect her but wouldn't be allowed to speak unless asked to. Also it
feels as if a book will be closed on her very existence

Charleygirl Sun 04-Feb-18 13:33:37

Annie I am well aware that it is at the front of your mind but if you attend I think that it will bring other memories flooding back and it will be very painful for you. Why put yourself through extra trauma when you can probably do little if you did attend. hugs and flowers

Anniebach Sun 04-Feb-18 13:36:40

Charleygirl, I am not going , but I don't know the workings of inquests and this is causing me to be fearful

nanaK54 Sun 04-Feb-18 13:49:14

Dear Annie I don't have any words of wisdom so just sending a huge virtual hug to you x

silverlining48 Sun 04-Feb-18 14:08:54

Will be thinking of you on tuesday annie. flowers

Welshwife Sun 04-Feb-18 14:10:46

The only time I have attended an inquest was for the one on my first husband. The Coroner was very well aware of the impact it was having on my DD and myself and during it asked if we wanted him to stop.
For us he initially went though everything the autopsy had shown - which in his case he was healthy except for his liver - and then explained what the signs there meant. He explained very simply what was the most likely cause of death and then said as no drugs, alcohol etc was found in his system he would rule natural causes as he felt that was the best for the family.
In our case there was only myself and DD there with the Coroner and his assistant. When we came out we headed straight for the nearest pub and had a brandy each - something we had never done before nor done since! She then went and collected her small children and I went and registered the death.
Good luck on the day and I hope you have as kind a man as we did.

SueDonim Sun 04-Feb-18 14:14:16

Just to say I'm thinking of you, Anniebach. flowers

Is anyone from your family attending? I think I'd want to know what was said, unless you get sent a report afterwards?

mollie Sun 04-Feb-18 14:18:35

Will the other witnesses be there, the man on the bridge, Anniebach? Might be an opportunity to speak to them. I often think the fear of something is worse than the reality. I’d go in your shoes but not alone. It might help.

M0nica Sun 04-Feb-18 14:20:54

Anniebach it is over 20 years since I attended my sister's inquest.

What I remember is, not a court room but a large room with rows of seat and a desk on a dais where the Coroner sat and a chair for witnesses. The Coroner was kind and friendly. First police and doctors described the accident, my sister's injuries and what caused her death, then the driver concerned came to the witness seat. He was a lorry driver and had been advised by his employers solicitor so didn't answer most of the questions, The accident was a real accident, no dangerous driving or drugs and the driver did everything right as soon as it happened, he was as distressed by what had happened as we were.

There were circumstances to what happened immediately before the accident, that no one could understood or explain and the Coroner spoke out to all those present to ask if they had any experience or knowledge that might help. There wasn't, although a year later, after I had started cycling to work, I could have contributed.

The Coroner then gave his verdict - death by misadventure or something like that.

The conduct of the Inquest had to be formal and legal, but the Coroner we had, did everything to make it as easy as possible for the sake of the family and others there.

If you have any more specific questions do PM me and I will try to fill in details.

Anniebach Sun 04-Feb-18 14:24:23

Thank you Welshwife and all you lovely people.

Sue, my son in law is going and ny son in law who isn't will go with him for support, they will not tell me anything they think will upset me , I will contact the coroners clerk tomorrow and ask if I have left it too late for a transcript, it perhaps best not to , see I am unable to think it through clearly. We have received the toxicology report but didn't understand it, so much I don't know , the temporary death certificate said - fell in the river

wot Sun 04-Feb-18 14:45:08

Annie, don't go if you feel you don't want to. Too much pressure. I will be thinking of you and willing you strength .x

BlueBelle Sun 04-Feb-18 16:21:22

I too will be thinking of you anniebach xx I can totally understand you not being able to be there however I m glad someone from the family is as you may want some answers a bit further down the line
I ve never been so can’t help but as others who have, have said I think they are very empathic to relatives even if you don’t feel able to read anything now you may want to at a later date
Xx

Fennel Sun 04-Feb-18 16:40:55

My Dad acted as a coroner for a short time. He found it very upsetting, he was a sensitive man. They do their best to be impartial.
Most of his cases were from pit disasters, or death at sea.
Ultimately the coronor has to decide on the legally recognised cause of death.
Annie - I would stay away, and just wait for your relatives to tell you the decision.
This has gone on for so long.

farview Sun 04-Feb-18 16:47:06

Oh Annie,will be thinking about you on Tuesday,think you're right not to go,your S.I.L will give you the details,Annie bless you and huge hug🌹

tessagee Sun 04-Feb-18 17:01:26

Annie, I can't add anything to what the previous posters have said so kindly, just that you're very much in my thoughts. God bless.

Anniebach Sun 04-Feb-18 17:21:40

Thank you all so much, I wasn't going to ask but got very upset today because it's her birthday . I will let you know the verdict then I will shut up😀

grannyactivist Sun 04-Feb-18 17:59:39

Annie there is a booklet about what happens at a coroner's court - I'm sure if you contact the coroner's clerk s/he would send you a copy. Or you can look HERE at the official Guide. Coroner's are usually very sensitive to the families of the deceased and go to great lengths to accommodate their needs and wishes if they are able.
I think you are wise not to attend Annie, but no doubt your mind will be there. flowers

cornergran Sun 04-Feb-18 19:09:17

No advice annie other than trust your instinct to stay away. There are no ‘shoulds’ are there? Today, your daughters birthday, must be such a painful day without the worry of Tuesday. Two people you trust and who loved your daughter and love you will be there, you can ask them what it matters to you to understand. Sending love.

Grannyben Sun 04-Feb-18 21:47:17

I went to my dear brother in laws inquest some years ago, to support my lovely sister in law. Obviously it was very official but the Coroner was very kind. There was just the Coroner, his assistant, a lady from the local telegraph and my dsil and myself.
He just basically read through all known facts then asked if there was any comment we would like to make. For us, attending was much less of a trauma than the fear of going but you can only do what you think is for the best. If it was my darling daughter I really don't know if I would be able to go either.
Oh, and Annie, please don't shut up, I understood that this is precisely what GN is for, to offer support to those who are in need of it. I've been following your previous posts and I know so many people have you in their thoughtsflowers

Cherrytree59 Sun 04-Feb-18 22:09:21

Annie a very upsetting day for you, I hope it went by peacefully.flowers

Life is so hard for you and our family at present .
I pray that from Wednesday onwards you will begin a journey that will being some peace and solace.
flowers xxx

Cherrytree59 Sun 04-Feb-18 22:10:55

So sorry should read 'your family'

Anniebach Sun 04-Feb-18 22:14:23

You have all been so caring and kind to me , I am trying to get myself together but the inquest just two days after her birthday, difficult to explain . I was thinking of her birthdays when she was young, one year ,think she was eight, she announced over tea - I have invited the whole class because i didn't want to leave anyone out. Gulp 28 eight year olds, I said we haven't 28 chairs, the dining table seats six and you can't go on the lawn it's cold , she just said - I know but we can all sit on the floor , be nicer than being left out , so they did , in the living room and dining room.

her elder daughter told me yesterday she doesn't like the bridge , first time she has spoken of that night .

Thank you all so much, I needed you today, felt so fearful about the inquest and had little sleep last night x

Mapleleaf Sun 04-Feb-18 22:28:33

Bless you, Anniebach. Take care. It's been a difficult day for you today. Be kind to yourself. flowers.