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How much do you spend on a wedding gift?

(59 Posts)
Ffion63 Sat 10-Mar-18 19:13:12

It's a long while since we have been to a wedding but my husband and I have been invited to a relative's wedding in a couple of months time. The bride and groom have requested money towards their honeymoon rather than a household gift as they have lived together for some time now and have everything they need. Although I would rather give a present, we have agreed to go along with this as the bride is family. I'm unsure how much to give towards their honeymoon. Do gransnetters think £80 is enough? Any guidance gratefully appreciated! Thank you

GrandmaMoira Sat 10-Mar-18 19:25:22

When I was asked for money for my niece's wedding, we gave £50 from myself and my sons. When my other nephew and niece married and had a John Lewis list (and much grander weddings) we bought items nearer £100.

GrandmaMoira Sat 10-Mar-18 19:25:50

Seeing it written like that, it seems a bit unfair, but it wasn't intended at the time.

paddyann Sat 10-Mar-18 19:26:39

I hate money requests ,whatever you give it never looks enough .Buying a gift and wrapping it beautifully always looks much better.£80 seems a decent amount to me but I know if it was me I'd be inclined to round it up to £100 in case they thought I was being mean....sometimes I wonder if thats the thinking behind the money requests ..they always get more than you would have spent on a gift

tanith Sat 10-Mar-18 19:27:50

£80 is fine but I also think whatever you can afford is fine however much that is. I've given sums between £25 and £100.

Maggiemaybe Sat 10-Mar-18 20:32:42

It depends of course on your own personal circumstances. I think £80 is more than generous, and would round down to £50, or even £30 is you want. If they're well brought up, they'll be sincerely grateful for whatever you give them. smile

Maggiemaybe Sat 10-Mar-18 20:33:26

if you want, not is! Where's that edit button when you need it?

annsixty Sat 10-Mar-18 20:45:40

£50 seems about right to me. I hate being asked for a monetary gift..
Expectation seems to inflate giving but I would always stick to my choice.
They are hardly likely to cut you off and if they do, so what.

grannyticktock Sat 10-Mar-18 21:11:54

I don't like requests for money for treats like a lavish honeymoon. Either they need household goods or they don't, in which case there's no need for a wedding gift. Choosing a present should be the prerogative of the giver, and not dictated by the recipient, even though suggestions may be welcome.

However, it sounds as if they haven't given you much choice. How much you should give depends partly on your financial circumstances and partly on theirs. I would have thought between £50 and £100 was an acceptable amount if it's cash they're asking for .

A compromise would be to give, say, £50 plus a small gift, just to make it personal. When my nephew and niece got married (not to each other, that would be weird!) I gave money plus a gift related to their shared interests (travel, gardening).

Iam64 Sat 10-Mar-18 21:17:21

I'm not an enthusiast of the large weddings, with day and evening do's in big expensive hotels. But - it isn't my wedding. Big Weddings are the thing now, whereas "in my day" it was a frock from Wallace and food back at our house to celebrate us getting married some time after buying a house together.
Having said that, I'm easy with young couple's who have lived together for several years asking for money rather than a toaster. I know one young couple who suggested their guests gave to an identified charity. Generous of them.
I wouldn't feel embarrassed about any amount Ffion. I'm sure young people are pleased with any amount they receive. I tend to give more to close relatives or friends than people I don't see often. Is that mean

BlueBelle Sat 10-Mar-18 21:32:33

I think it’s horrible asking for money although I understand the logic behind it It depends how close you are to the couple and how much you feel you can afford I d never be able to give £80 but if that’s in your abilities and you re comfortable with it, fine, BUT never be ashamed or feel you ‘have to’ give a certain amount ( or the going rate) as a gift should make everyone happy the giver as well as the receiver

Ailsa43 Sat 10-Mar-18 21:47:01

£50 would be my limit also. The fact is that if every guest or couple gave £50, they are going to have a very tidy sum, and there's a very good chance that closer family members will donate more, so please only give what you feel you can afford. Remember the day is going to cost you more than that with new outfits and hair dressing etc.. Just my opinion

jusnoneed Sun 11-Mar-18 08:31:45

More than generous in my book, I would never give that much to anyone other than my own flesh and blood.
My nephew is getting married next year and they are already living together and bought their own house so I expect this will be the solution of what gift to give them. Won't be as much as that though.

silverlining48 Sun 11-Mar-18 08:55:23

Would agree with others that £50 is plenty and if you spend another £5 or £10 on a nice photo frame or similar
that would be more than enough. If everyone gave £ £50 that would amount to a fantastic luxury break for them, but actually I don’t like these requests for money, it costs enough to be a guest with outfits, transport, and often 2 overnights in hotels.

janeainsworth Sun 11-Mar-18 09:37:18

I don’t see a problem with asking for/giving money.
When we lived in Hongkong we went to several Chinese weddings and the custom
was to give ‘lucky money’ in a special red packet. Very sensible in my view.

If a couple request money instead of a gift, I heave a sigh of relief that I won’t have to wade through a list hoping there will be something suitable left on it, and I just think of it as payment for the occasion - the meal and the party so I think £80 - 100 is appropriate, perhaps more if it’s very lavish.
When one of my young relatives got married last year the invitation included overnight accommodation and breakfast the next day at the venue, so our gift included a sum of money to reflect the fact that we hadn’t had to stay overnight in a hotel.

Smithy Sun 11-Mar-18 09:49:20

It depends who the gift us four. Of course you'd give more to family, but I was invited to dils sisters wedding and I gave £40 from me and my dd. I'd rather do that than buy an unwanted present. A close family member is of course a different matter, you be giving a lot more.

sodapop Sun 11-Mar-18 09:59:59

That is generous Ffion and quite sufficient. I don't mind giving money as it means no wading through lists etc. I do feel though if couples have everything they need and are asking for holiday money etc then maybe they could ask for donations to a favourite charity as they are so fortunate.

janeainsworth Sun 11-Mar-18 10:05:28

sodapop maybe they’ve spent all their holiday money on giving their friends and family a fabulous day of celebration.

Oopsadaisy12 Sun 11-Mar-18 10:16:24

Personally, £50 for a relative is more than enough, for close family I would and do, give more.

Iam64 Sun 11-Mar-18 10:20:24

Exactly janesinsworth. Champagne after the service, three courses, or more during the day with generous supply of wine. Musicians or pianist during the meal. An evening celebration with dancing and food later. I’m very happy to give cash rather than a gift. We didn’t go to a recent evening do because we had the toddlers so their parents could relax. I sent £50 but would have liked to send more

MibsXX Sun 11-Mar-18 11:06:58

Oh dear... this all makes my own wedding plans look so miserly... registry office just us, then off to a friend's field for a BBQ party... only request is everyone wears wellies and brings a little something food/drink wise, no gifts required ( we are very poor!)

Jaycee5 Sun 11-Mar-18 11:10:01

I think £80 is generous. I would probably give £50 at most.

NemosMum Sun 11-Mar-18 11:18:32

I hate the request for money too. If not given the option, my rule is to try and cover the amount spent per guest on the wedding breakfast (and evening do). £80 sounds OK for two people, as I think that most wedding breakfasts are about £35 per head, and this would allow something for the buffet in the evening.

grannytotwins Sun 11-Mar-18 11:18:34

I give £30 if invited to the evening do only, £50 if invited to the whole event and £100 for close relatives. I gave more for my own children.

Suebcrafty Sun 11-Mar-18 11:19:13

When our oldest son got married they said they didn’t want any Presents only our Presence at their wedding but if we wanted to give something a small cash contribution to their honeymoon,they went to Edinburgh for a weekend,it would be greatly appreciated 😁