Gransnet forums

Chat

How much do you spend on a wedding gift?

(60 Posts)
Ffion63 Sat 10-Mar-18 19:13:12

It's a long while since we have been to a wedding but my husband and I have been invited to a relative's wedding in a couple of months time. The bride and groom have requested money towards their honeymoon rather than a household gift as they have lived together for some time now and have everything they need. Although I would rather give a present, we have agreed to go along with this as the bride is family. I'm unsure how much to give towards their honeymoon. Do gransnetters think £80 is enough? Any guidance gratefully appreciated! Thank you

Mapleleaf Thu 15-Mar-18 19:32:59

Ffion63 I think £50 is very generous, as other posters have already said. They will get a very tidy sum indeed if you multiply that by the number of couples attending as guests.

Mapleleaf Thu 15-Mar-18 19:20:30

MibsXX your wedding sounds lovely, and I’m sure will hold lots of lovely memories. ?

Ffion63 Thu 15-Mar-18 10:42:19

Thank you, everyone. Your replies have been very helpful. so glad I joined gransnet! ?

Eloethan Mon 12-Mar-18 17:26:04

For children of very close and longstanding friends of the family we would give around £100. For anyone else it would be around £50.

Of course, it also depends on a person's financial circumstances. I don't think people should feel bound to give more than they can afford.

felice Mon 12-Mar-18 12:18:57

Here it is mainly money gifts, in fact SIL was delighted by the 'British' gifts and had a great time opening them. A decorated box is placed in the reception halls which people put envelopes into with cash in them.
They can be cards with money in them or just a plain envelope.
No one feels uncomfortable with the amount given and a thank you is sent out to everyone. I found it quite civilised and no fuss was made at all.

Maggiemaybe Mon 12-Mar-18 10:15:08

I'm surprised at people equating a wedding present with the cost of the do. That shouldn't come into it - if it did we might as well just be upfront and sell tickets. If someone chooses a huge extravagant affair that's entirely up to them. I would hope guests are invited because the couple want them to be there, and they shouldn't be paying for the privilege. What next - they only had a small do at the village hall, so I'll just bung them a tenner? hmm

meandashy Mon 12-Mar-18 09:38:49

I'd say give whatever you can afford. Be it £20 or £100. It's entirely down to personal circumstances I think.
I does seem to be the norm these days. When people already have an established home together they probably don't need anything.
Does the invite say 'if you'd like to?' Rather than a demand? Because I think that would have been plain rude

Happysexagenarian Sun 11-Mar-18 20:37:01

£50 is more than generous and a nice round figure. Silverlinings suggestion of combining it with a photo frame is a lovely idea. I'm sure they will be very appreciative of all the gifts they receive regardless of the value.

sweetheartnana Sun 11-Mar-18 19:49:57

Didn’t intend to sound mean, but as in an earlier post, any gifts should be accepted with grace and gratitude, not sneered at or rejected because they are not “on the list”. If you can’t afford an extravagant wedding, don’t expect others to pay for it, just downsize and stay within your means. It’s just plain rude to invite someone then ask for money, it’s like having an expensive entrance fee to an exclusive club

sweetheartnana Sun 11-Mar-18 19:41:47

I’m afraid I just wouldn’t go to the wedding at all if I had to pay for the privilege

Kentishlady Sun 11-Mar-18 19:17:37

When I was invited to a friend’s wedding I gave £50 and travelled from the south to the north of England. They let us stay at their house so we didn’t have to fork out for a hotel as well. I’m getting married this year for the second time and I’ve asked for money to go on Honeymoon with because we have made our home and we didn’t see the point of some expensive gift list. The breakfast cost is £49.95 per head and then the extra bits (music, evening food, drinks, cake, etc) amount to around another £30 per head and this is the cheapest option with our venue. Other venues quoted £60-70 per head. It matters not if and what our guests give, more the fact that they come and join us on our special day. We’ve actually asked guests to dress for comfort rather than class because we want it to be relaxed and enjoyable. We have limited the guests to 40 daytime and additonal 25 evening. The wedding licence for the venue was £780 payable to the local authority. Weddings are not cheap for anyone and the giving of money is standard practice in many countries. Whatever you wish to give someone is entirely up to you and no one will think any less of you if you can only afford a small amount or prefer to give gifts. For us, our guests mean more to us than any gift or money ever can.

grandtanteJE65 Sun 11-Mar-18 18:20:58

It's becoming increasingly common for people to ask for money instead of a present, so I suppose we need to like it or lump it. It makes me feel uncomfortable too, and I always feel that the amount I can afford is not enough. Silly, really.

So I have taught myself to sit down and decide what kind of money I would be considering if I had been going to buy a present and use that as my guideline.

I try too to find a card to enclose the money in, or a little box, it makes the gift look better IMO.

Lilyflower Sun 11-Mar-18 18:07:39

I prefer to give money as people can get what they want. When my family were invited to a wedding it was a ‘no presents’ do but we gave £100 in John Lewis vouchers and our kids, who have good jobs, gave £50each in JL vouchers. I figured the happy coupl could buy food in Waitrose if they couldn’t think of anything big they needed. Weddings are very, very expensive these days and we were treated to a slap up day.

Barmeyoldbat Sun 11-Mar-18 16:59:13

Any amount upto £50 seems ok to me. Gave my niece£25 as she wanted money for a new kitchen which doesn’t seem like a wedding present to me

Tessa101 Sun 11-Mar-18 15:34:07

I’m one that would prefer to give money rather than duplicate a gift even tho they have wedding lists set up with retailers. I think £80 is a nice amount for them as added with all other money gifts they can purchase whatever they need.

M0nica Sun 11-Mar-18 15:25:03

Not relevant to this wedding but when DS and wife got married as, like many couples, they had a house and contents, they said no presents but donations to charity if desired.

Simpler, private and no angst about the amount to give.

kwest Sun 11-Mar-18 15:25:02

I would give £50.00

blue60 Sun 11-Mar-18 15:19:15

It depends on how well you know them, how much you can afford and how much you WANT to give.

£80 is a generous amount to give and, placed in a pretty envelope, will be a pleasure for them to open.

These days so many couples have already set up home and don't need a wedding gift list. I am happy to give money so that they can choose a gift for themselves, or save it for a honeymoon, holday, special weeked away etc.

I give nephews and nieces £100 for a wedding gift, and £50 for an engagement.

Mauriherb Sun 11-Mar-18 14:46:45

I am going to 2 weddings in the near future. One couple have asked for money for their honeymoon, I know that their venue are charging £30 per head for the meal so I'm giving £30 worth of euros. The other couple are saying no present or money but they will have 3 different charity collection boxes at the reception if anyone wants to donate

annsixty Sun 11-Mar-18 14:36:25

No way would I have done that inishowen.
I would have expected your H to give you the same sum to do something you wanted to do.?
( that was tongue in cheek)

EmilyHarburn Sun 11-Mar-18 14:25:16

£80 is fine.

inishowen Sun 11-Mar-18 14:07:39

Last year a friend of my husbands asked us to their wedding. We didn't want to go but decided to send a gift. We were given a list of activities they were doing on their honeymoon. Each one had a price. We paid £200 for one of their activities, although I can't remember what it was. I didn't agree with the whole concept but it was my husband's friend so it was his decision.

annsixty Sun 11-Mar-18 13:35:28

Until it was mentioned on here on a previous thread, it had never occurred to me to try and repay the hospitality with a wedding gift of a similar cost.
I think weddings are an opportunity to ask family and friends to share in your joy and to spend as much or as little on it as you can afford.
If the more that is spent on showing off is expected to be returned, it is a shame.
I have turned down invitations before now because sometimes it has involved 2 nights in a hotel, plus travel ,plus new outfits and a present on top.
It is far too expensive for us.
My god-daughter expected all this and then invited my D,S and their partners to the evening do, which meant them both travelling 300 miles and a night in a hotel for 4 hours at the reception.
It rather soured the relationship with her mother who was one of my friends but I would not change my mind.

dogsmother Sun 11-Mar-18 12:40:58

I agree with around the £50 mark, if you are a guest at a decent wedding I feel the cost of your place is probably at least that anyhow in the grand scheme of the wedding, and if you are considered important enough to be part of the whole thing then why not be gracious enough and not worry about how much it costs you.

harrigran Sun 11-Mar-18 12:30:29

I think it depends on your circumstances, I am usually generous with money because it is not showy like a wrapped gift.
The last few weddings have had a list with John Lewis and I have just been able to take something off the list, no wrapping involved either.