Desperately unhappy, being bullied at work

Thank goodness ?

I think if you read through the whole thread you will find that OP has put this unhappy situation behind her.

Hi, how rotten to be going into work and feeling that stress. I too am a civil servant and absolutely appalled by what I have read. I have been a team leader and understand exactly attendance management policies. I also know that the behavior you are being subjected to is totally unacceptable. I’m unsure of the size building you work in or which department you belong to I know in the one I’m in if your bully is your immediate line manager and you have concerns this may be coming down from their manager then you are within your right Togo to another manager one you feel to be independent. In the civil service if you raise a grievance with any manager they have a duty of care to check the guidance and progress your grievance. I do understand that there is a policy in place where if you have a secondary job either paid or unpaid you do neeed to just pop something in writing to your manager. His is standard practice. I myself am full tine but also do a bit of volunteering work and have let my manager know. With regards to making you feel you have to go in on your NWD that’s incorrect. You may well have once been full time but you have taken partial retirement and part of that process was to renegotiate your hours. Don’t let this bully push you out. Makes me feel so sad that there are nasty people who just seem to want to be on some sort of power kick. Clearly not a nice person. Good luck. Xxx

Look at this a different way GoD. What would make you really happy? Imagine having all the time to put into your new business which sounds fun, fulfilling and exciting and I bet it is something you have a knack for. I know it's a money issue but with all the time to put into in as well as a bit of 'good' pressure to earn, I reckon you could really make it work for you. Take a leap of faith, cut back all possible outgoings and put your heart and souls into it and it will bring back your confidence, self worth and your smile. Let go of this horrible situation and take back control of your life. I know your oh needs time but I bet it would help him if you were happier making his job easier too.

I am so sorry for you. Keep in mind that you are in the right. Log everything as evidence. No-one minds coming in on a different day occasionally or sometimes going to a meeting when it's normally a day off but it should not be routine like this.

If there is an HR Department, try to speak to them. Try and keep calm.

Are you in a Union? The only trouble with taking action over constructive or unfair dismissal (if it comes to that) is that it can become hard to get another job - a friend of mine found that out.

I wish you the very best of luck.

How awful for you. I agree with other posters that you need to go through your contract with a fine tooth comb and contact ACAS for their advice and support.

When you've done both of these things you will be in position to confront her from a position of strength. I'm pretty certain that this type of treatment would be construed as an attempt at constructive dismissal.

I understand that the thought of confronting her, once you've established your rights will fill you with dread, but you must do so.

She is a bully and as we all know, all bullies are cowards. Having behaved so badly for so long, she wont be expecting you to stand up to her.

I wish you well.

Many posters have advised joining a Union and I agree with that. As you are a member, push your rep to represent you in this. I would also recommend that you keep accurate notes of all transactions with her either on your own with her or with others present, even if only at other desks. Dates, times, issue, conversation that took place etc. You don't have to inform her you are doing this but it will prove useful if it does to Tribunal. Not sure if you can take it to Ombudsman if all else fails but I am sure there is someone on here who will know. If she is ambitious perhaps she will move on soon. Good luck with it.

Lucky by name and lucky by nature! Good for you for being brave and doing what you love most!

actions!!!

When I was a social worker, there came a day when I suddenly knew that I could not do it for even one more minute. The reasons were that bureaucracy was preventing me doing what I was trained to do, I had simply become a financial gatekeeper for the LA, and the cations that I was being forced to take were to the absolute detriment of my clients.

I got signed off sick and resigned forthwith.

I cannot begin to tell you the weight that was lifted from my shoulders! - I felt as though someone had liberated me from a prison camp! - I could have jumped over the house, I felt so light!

I was 50 at the time, and luckily I had other skills under my belt and made a new freelance career for myself in arts outreach, photography and running singing workshops. I had a wonderful 10 years doing things I loved.

So.....walk away, don't look back, shrug it off, enjoy a new life. No regrets, no agonising over what has gone before.

There were several other SWs who left at a similar time and for similar reasons and some of them spent the subsequent years going over and over the injustices that occurred before they left - and they are doing it still. Please do not fall into that trap - walk away with your eyes to the future and just ENJOY!!

I'm glad you have taken it over and above the people you work with .My advice would have been to do just that as it's what happened where I worked and a whole team of junior level management went above senior team and took it to a higher level when we went against a senior manager who had the rest of the senior team scared to death of him so could not /would not help us ..bullying. Sexual misconduct. Agism. You name it he did it.
Good luck and I hope you get the results you want and by the sounds of it deserve.

Sorry I jumped in without reading your reply below. It seems you have done all the right things and do not be put off by this person's manager. They are obviously in cahoots. Good for you for standing firm and I wish you luck in this Tribunal outcome and for the future. GOOD FOR YOU! For anyone else who is in the same position, you have Rights in Law, use them! Do not put up with this kind of behaviour whoever you work for. Government or Civilian it does not matter. The way to deal with bullying even if you are at school is to face up to the bullies. They only recognise strength and will back away. If you are weak they will torment you even more.

PS: What you need to take them to court for is called 'Constructive Dismissal' and you can do this even if you have left the Company'. Look it up on the Internet if you are not sure what it means.

Look, I have to say that you are being foolish staying in an environment like that. Why on earth are you not looking for another job? You have two alternatives. One is to leave, the other is to take this person to a Tribunal. It will be stressful for you have no doubt about that as you will have to go to work at the same time. The only way to deal with bullies is to either walk away, which I would do, or stand tall, tell them enough is enough and take the courage to take them to court. When it is revealed to all and sundry how this person has treated you I am sure you could win your case. Do you have a Union? You have rights in Law to be treated with respect. Obviously this is not the case. Be brave, either walk or take them to court. Do not carry on hoping it will get better because once they find a person they believe to be weak they will torment you without mercy. Bullies are the same the world over.

You have done all the right things GrowingOld how much longer though can you resist the temptation to tell them with all due respect, i.e.none, to stick it where the sun don’t shine?
What a truly shocking story, though, is it one person’s personal vindictiveness?
Thank goodness you can afford to walk, your peace of mind is worth so much more.

Hi everyone and apologies for resurrecting an old thread but wanted to update everyone who was kind enough to support me on here.

Sorry to bore you all with details but the situation has got worse, I've been given 'needs improvement ' for my end of year appraisal. Never had this in all the time I've worked for them, this is the first time ever but probably now true as I'm now so p**d off with everything I really can't find any motivation for the job.

Obstructive behaviour from manager in deliberately setting meeting dates which clash with other work commitments.

Being dragged into poor performance formal process now, and told that even if no union rep available for set date, if I don't attend unrepresented, they'd reach a decision in my absence. Not sure how that demonstrates not having 'unconscious bias' - something the civil service expects ..... I have challenged this obstructive behaviour and she has backed off and said she will postpone until I return from holiday so that I can see if I can get a rep.

Breach of data protection, because my line manager wasn't authorised to commission an investigation against me, but went ahead anyway and did so, passing on information to unauthorised persons in connection with this. When I raised this with her line manager, this was pooh-poohed as human error. Oh really? ?!!

I took up the reins again of H&S rep, and am legally entitled to paid time off in work time to do such duties. H&S inspections were duly arranged at a couple of premises, time for this agreed by line manager, then she reneged on this the following week (thereby breaching H&S regulations), and appears to have bad-mouthed me to the managers of those premises, as I received emails from 1 of them, saying I would be denied access if I attended there.

This sort of behaviour was aired at the grievance meeting I took against her, and her line manager said I SHOULD have the facility time - clearly my line manager thinks she can disregard H&S regulations and her manager ,

However, notwithstanding the above, the grievance was not upheld by her line manager, who then refused me an appeal on the grounds I'd taken too long to furnish details - no allowance for being away on holiday at the time or part-time availability apparently! !

So, I have sent in my resignation, to the Director (thereby going above both of their heads). I have given a whole list of reasons why including the stuff above, and stated this is constructive dismissal. In fact, I have stated I am dismissing them as my employer due to all of the reasons given, and that I can't stand working for them any more. I only have to give 1 months notice, but have given 3 months out of courtesy, which takes me ironically to 43 years to the day I started working for them.

Despite the fact that if I were to only do the 1 months notice this would expire while I'm away on our 2 weeks summer holiday next minth my manager still expects to resume the poor performance process on my return as I've been courteous enough to give them longer notice then they're entitled to. .... says it all really about what a fixated, narrow-minded b*tch she is being .... (sorry for the rant, think I'm entitled? )

My husband's employment situation now means I don't have to work, and I feel SOOOO much better now that I have done this.

The union are now going to take advice from their solicitor re a constructive dismissal case. Even if they don't take it up, there are plenty of no-win-no-fee solicitors who probably will.

The next few weeks will be interesting. ...! And for the first time for many months now, I'm not worried about going in to work!

Having been there myself, and had a good outcome, I can speak from experience. I was told by this woman, my immediate Boss, that I was 'Great' 'Reliable' 'A Star' etc etc and I worked my socks off because I really enjoyed my job. At the Annual Report point I was shocked to note she had given me the lowest box marking possible. I had done much more than I was contracted to do (also Civil Service) and had put myself out working at weekends and doing things that were not related to my job, as well as covering for a male several times when he was away without any talk of extra pay. I had to keep on and on at her to do my Annual Report, which was consequently very late in being completed. To put it in a nutshell without going in to detail she made my life hell. I was also passed over for promotion. I was advised by my Union Rep to complain to my next Manager above her and start the Grievance procedure. which I did. This sent her in to a rage and she was even more nasty than she had been before. I had to grit my teeth and get on with it. Eventually together with my Union Rep I was called in to the 'Big Boss's, office to make my complaint. I had taken a copy of both my current report and my previous report which was 'Excellent' before coming to work for this woman. The difference told its own story. To cut a long story short I was cleared of any wrong doing, my report was redone by her Boss and I was moved to another section. Shortly after my retirement I found out that she had left the Station under a cloud. I didn't doubt it.

The way this bullying makes you feel almost destroys your confidence, you begin to doubt yourself, and they change you from a strong person in to a nervous jelly always on the brink of tears. The ONLY WAY to beat them is to make a record of what they say, what they do, what they tell you to do, and to get yourself a Union Representative who knows the ins and outs of the Law. I was so grateful for their support. Worth every penny of Union fees.

I wish you well. I am out of the workforce now so this is all in the past for me, and I am back to my normal confident self. It was a living nightmare!

Change your job. People like this just ruin your life. You do not need the stress! I know I have been there.

My manager actually asked me whether I found one event as humiliating. I replied no, but I did see it as an attempt to humiliate me.

He avoided me after that.

If you now work as a civil servant there should be policies in place for work life balance and part time working. Check your HR department or the organisations intranet for employment info. Good luck!

Excellent advice, especially the diary. make sure you have the detail. Next time you are summoned about anything, take a voice recorder (is there one on your phone?), and say 'you don't mind if I record this do you?' And/or take notes. Keep a notebook and pen handy so you can easily pick it up.

Sounds like you are being set up for constructive dismissal.

I was bullied dreadfully by a very senior manager, who obviously just wanted to get rid of a mature woman to replace with someone cheaper. He liked to run kangeroo courts in front of his heads of department, and tried hard to make his female managers cry. Don't do this. I wouldn't, so in one instance, when I saw that I was just there to show how 'manly' and in control he was, just stayed silent. Wound him up no end - thought he was going to explode.
Sadly he didn't.

These people are not fit to manage staff.
Good luck.

If you adjust your days to be in for meetings, you are doing this lady a favour. Just tell her firmly what your hours of work are - and stick to them. There is nothing she can do.

If the Christmas week meeting is on a day you do not work, there is nothing she can do to make you attend it, whether she grants you leave for your work days or not.

Do not be rude to this woman but if she tries to make you come in on days you do not work or asks anything about what you are doing on the days you are not working, tell her politely but firmly that she is over stepping the mark and what you do in your own time is none of her business. Your working days are contractual and you cannot be made to change them.

I suspect if you just stood up to her, after a mega temper tantrum (bit like a 2 year old), she will back off. She bullies you because you let her.

Ugh ... this sounds horribly familiar and you won't be feeling like dealing with it, finding a new job, or anything like that. My advice, which will not make it better but it will help if you take this further is:-

1. Keep a diary and write up anything she says to you.
2. Keep copies of anything she writes to you. If she speaks to you and you feel able to, email her "clarifying" what she has said and where and when she said it.
3. If you have a good union rep ask for their help.
4. Check your household insurance as some cover you for legal fees.
5. Even if you have a good union rep see if you can see a solicitor on one of the free advice sessions. (Don't tell the union as some drop out if you get advice elsewhere).
6. If you think you will be up to trying to do something about it, you need to understand all the company procedures - they should be easily available to you. It is too easy for something to go against you just because you don't know about them.
7. Final bit of advice. If you can get out and feel well enough to tackle a change - do it. These things rarely end well. You should not have to but it is often the best thing for your health.

Life's too short to have to put up with the likes of this wretched woman! If you found a position somewhere else you could have the satisfaction of quitting and telling her a thing or two while you're at it. Have you thought about looking for another job?

Even if you don’t have a properly written new work contract since becoming part-time, a tribunal would deem custom and practice from what has been your working week of late. And yes, log and write down every detail of what’s happened. Every phone call, , dates, when done, what said, conversations between you and manager. The more detail you can record, the better. I know this from taking on a mighty company when I wanted to work part time when kids were small and they tried to stop me. I won! My union help massively. But my OCD note taking was the key.