Worried about my toddler grandson

My grandson is on the autistic spectrum and lining up cars was a favourite occupation. He didn’t like me playing the guitar and singing! And covered his ears. He was also worried about being called a monkey by his parents and used to confide in me - saying I’m not really a monkey am I Aggie (his name for me) again like autistic children he often took things literally. There is a book about autism called ‘Its raining cats and dogs’ - could be worth reading

One of my boys (the middle son) did not start talking until he was two years of age, but when he started he spoke in sentences. I had taken him to have hearing tests but all was well, clearly, he was just a lazy little lad but taking it all in.

I'm not sure we should all be jumping in with a diagnosis. 20 months and not talking is not 'latent speech development'. Some children like to line things up, some like to throw things. One of my sons liked to have symmetry and couldn't be bothered to talk till around age 3.

I haven’t read all the posts but wanted to reply because this is where I was last year with my grandson. The language delay may be quite normal but with your experience with children, I think your gut feeling is the best thing to go with.
I would be pushing for a review because the earlier they catch things, the better the progress at school and life.
There are ways you can teach a child who doesn’t interact and doesn’t have speech. Play alongside, put something they are interested in up alongside your eyes and as their eyes go up say ‘look at me’ or just ‘look’. It will take time but it is a start. Use language minimally, one or two words for things so the message doesn’t get lost in noise. Play alongside with identical toys and mimic the child.
If you are looking for signs which will trigger concern from the professionals, look for hand flapping, hand wringing and finger tapping on other fingers. Look for stimulators like rocking, certain materials. Look for regression in stuff. We noticed our boy would lose a learned word when he learned a knew one or would say a word once then never say it again. Start learning Makaton just in case you need it. Mothers of Neuro-Typical (NT) babies are using it these days and it really helps most babies. Have a look at the National Autism website for ideas about how to progress development. Even if he is NT or non NT, he will benefit from their pointers.
Finally, if you want to message me, please feel free.

Bilingual children do tend to start talking later than monolingual ones, and boys often start talking later than little girls, apparently because our stone age ancestors left hunting to men, who had to be quiet, whilst women gathered fruit etc. and looked after children, so they talked!

Right now, try not to worry. You say he plays peek-a-boo, so there is some social interaction, try other suitable games for a child his age, clap, clap handies comes to mind.

You are right oldbatty but there is no harm in being concerned. My daughter recognised from a very early age that her son could be autistic (later than most unclenching his fist as a baby and no baby babbling as well as the usual signs)and I tried to dismiss it and so time went on.She was right and I was wrong.He did have an early diagnosis but it could have been earlier if she had acted on her instinct.

If you see the GS regularly would you be allowed to video him showing how he doesn't respond to people. Also how he plays eg lining up cars. Could you then accompany DDIL and baby to see a Dr or health visitor and show them the film. Do hope he receives the attention he needs.

You have such a lot of experience with fostering if you feel all is not well I would guess you are probably right but autism is a huge spectrum and speech delay seems to be very common. I think I would watch and play a bit longer and make sure he goes to nursery school as soon as possible, probably around age 2 How does he get on at the little playgroup does he interact at all with the other children, he is still very young.

I guess as in a lot of things, a little common sense will go a long way.

Having done a bit of research, it's generally supported that bilingual children will say their first word later but that it should be within normal ranges 8-15 months. Of course there are always children who are perfectly fine but don't talk until after this point, but with the other signs I think it definitely needs watching. Has he been generally late in all development OP, so gross and fine motor along with language and communication?

Children with no 'issues can pick up multiple languages at the same time.
The earlier they start hearing/ learning, the more capable they become.
Two of my GC speak fluent English and Italian (SiL Italian D English) and have done since they were 2.5.
I wouldn't worry overmuch about keeping to 'regulation' attainment dates unless some milestones are really late or not met.
If the child doesn't get spoken to much by his parents, then he will obviously have delayed speech.
Few of us on here are paediatricians so it's best for parents to ask for a referral.
Best wishes.

To get a referral you need to have reasons to ask for one. Language delay on its own won’t necessarily be enough. My GS was taken by his parents to see about hearing because he was like OP’s son and they did a hearing test before dismissing their slight concerns. It was only when I spoke to the same person, casually pointed out a couple of things in conversation like the lack of waving goodbye, regression, unusual hand usage that she suddenly agreed there were a couple of red flags there so we were referred. Most often busy professionals will see patients as horses because that is what they are used to seeing but every so often it turns out their patient is a Zebra, it just has to be pointed out.

The Early Years Development Matters guides have overlapping age bands as those who developed them were well aware of the wide band of " usual or normal"

icanhandthemback
Of course. I agree with your summary and understand that, perhaps due to time constraints, the horse is the first animal that doctors think of. The analogy was a goid one.
It's good that GNers who are more involved with their GC can often point out details that docs don't see in a 10 minute walk-in.

* good

Have very similar concerns about my own 21 month old grandson. Sometimes I’m convinced he’s in the spectrum and other times I think I’m googling too much! He has no language at all and smiles very little. He is, however, very well developed physically - crawling and walking early and absolutely determined to climb everything! Perhaps it is just his personality but we’re keeping an eye on it and have seen a health visitor who is going to get him on a “chatterbox” class for slow speakers. I don’t know, just when you think your own kids are doing fine, along come the grandkids to give you a whole new load of worries! I wish you well, you sound like an amazing gran xx

Ah, the climbing Sielha, I can relate to that. My DGS stayed with me overnight last night with his parents turning up very early to pick him up. They asked how he'd been so I said he'd been perfect and was still asleep. We walked into his room to find he had climbed out of the cot and was scaling the chests of drawers to jump on the bed. All of this in one of those Gro-bags which is supposed to restrict him. ? I was mortified but then, for the first time ever, he came to me to have the Gro-bag taken off even though his Mum was there and he actually "signed" Hello. The joy was indescribable so whatever your worries about autism, there is much to revel in.
I can't reiterate enough, particularly if you are not a worrier normally, go with your gut instinct. The worst you can be is wrong.

Lovely comment, well received. Lots of support for you here x

That's really weird the guidelines for first word between 8-15 months. None of the children or grandchildren in my family have said a word by that age, and I was also a childminder and came to know many others. My daughter didn't say a word till she was over 2, and then she was immediately speaking in 2 or 3 word sentences. So I wouldn't worry about the speech, or the autism since he responds appropriately to games of suspense such as peep-bo. My impression is he's got used to being left on his own to amuse himself somewhat more than most kids that age and perhaps a sign of reduced interaction with his main caregiver/s. He perhaps needs to be spending more time with the grandparents or other loving adults who will give him lots of attention.

Grannyris I don't have any advice on autism, but it seems lots of grans do.
What I do have is enormous respect and admiration for you and husband for fostering children. I was a kinship carer for many years and benefited from help of a wonderful lady who gave me respite. Not only that but such amazing advice too. I know most foster carers don't do the job for financial gain but you really aren't paid enough. ?????

For those who think that milestones reached early means no chance of autism, it doesn’t.My DGS walked at 11 months and said about four words ( which a few months later he ‘lost’) was very agile and bright.
It’s complicated and tbe spectrum is wide.

I agree Lemongrove, my DGS seemed NT to begin with and he actually said "cucumber" when he was about 15 months old. The way he babbled when younger, I honestly thought he was going to be a quick talker and his ready smiles were to die for. He could mimic the word 'Grandad' along with other names too. My first suspicions were only as he got a bit older and he rarely looked at me when I was trying to attract his attention. He 'lost' his words and began to use his hands in an unusual way. Gradually it became more noticeable that, as lovely as he was, there was something that was just slightly different about him to my other grandchildren.
One thing that has become clear to me, is that I can see why parents believe that vaccination has caused this regression even though I think it was always likely to be so even without vaccination. The regression is so peculiar and you keep wondering whether you were imagining things when they were younger.

I don't think anyone is yet sure what causes autism. There are lots of genetic things that don't reveal themselves at birth, or only start to happen later, so it could even be simply something in the DNA. But I still would look at the OP's dgs with a view to his social situation first. He has a father whose first years of life were in an unsettled environment, presumably due to wars, economic deprivation etc, and probably carries emotional scars. A mother who is probably not yet feeling at home in her new country. This little boy may simply not be being focussed on enough for his stage of development. Maybe the parents don't understand how it's done if they both had anxious preoccupied parents growing up (understandable in some countries these days)

There is a theory that trauma of parents can impact on children . Not read enough to know about this properly. Lots of things, other than ASD, can cause developmental delay.

I am quite sure that with her understanding of children and having fostered, that Grannyris would have an idea if the parents weren't focussing on their child enough. There is nothing in her post to indicate this and it seems rather insulting to suggest it. Blaming the parents seems rather unhelpful.