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Is there a thread for "just having a moan".😊😠

(48 Posts)
tallulahbelle Thu 01-Nov-18 22:55:33

I am just sick of being taken for granted. I am 70 and still working. Don't get me wrong, I love my job , and working isn't the problem. The problem is my youngest son...he takes us so much for granted. My husband is retired these past 2 years and seems to be at my sons beck and call .."can you run me here, can you run me there"...have a package coming, can you pick it up"...that is ok as my husband doesn't really mind.But now he has decided to get a springer spaniel pup!!! He is a gorgeous wee pup and we love him dearly. I told my son from the onset that we would not be committed to the dog and he agreed....but now we have him all day ,at least 4 days per week. I work nightshift so hubby has to be up at 7 am every morning and can't really get out as pup doesn't have all his son and his wife are so blase about it all!! I don't have so much to do with the dog as I am sleeping during the day, but he is very frisky when I get up in the afternoon and by the time I get to work in the evening I am exhausted.😊
This is just family things we all probably deal with...but what I can't deal with is I am celebrating my 70th birthday this weekend and, same son, is telling me he can't join the celebrations as he had a stag do!!! Am I being unfair to him or is he absolutely taking the piss?.x

MissAdventure Thu 01-Nov-18 23:13:38

I'm sure there will be a variety of opinions on the matter, but mine, for what its worth is that yes, he is taking the piss.
You're allowing it though, because you haven't stuck to your guns about not having his dog. ('His' being the important word in that sentence)

Nanna58 Thu 01-Nov-18 23:40:24

Just a thought but do older children take the p**s? If not maybe you have inadvertently fostered his ‘youngest son syndrome’ ?

tallulahbelle Fri 02-Nov-18 00:11:31

Mmm, I agree with both comments and would be tougher with my son ,but his dad won't agree to being tougher. I would say no!!

tallulahbelle Fri 02-Nov-18 01:35:35

Yes maybe I do....

Willow10 Fri 02-Nov-18 08:00:37

Absolutely! Sounds like some straight talking is needed. flowers

jusnoneed Fri 02-Nov-18 08:08:40

From what you say it sounds as if you hubby is letting your son rule the roost, I think you need to first talk to you hubby and tell him he is allowing this to happen and you don't want to be running around after son/dil. They certainly need to be told to stop being so selfish and look after their own things.
I wonder if your husband feels he needs to be doing something now he is retired but you are not available at home with him all day.

oldbatty Fri 02-Nov-18 08:37:28

Miss on!

How old is this " man?"

I fear he has never been shown appropriate boundaries. He may never learn them.
But OP you are owed some basic respect and you must find the strength to get it.

NanaandGrampy Fri 02-Nov-18 08:45:39

I really feel for you Tallulah and I totally agree your son is taking the mickey. To be fair I suspect he has the same opinion as many adult children - your DH is retired he has nothing better to do!!

I'm afraid my advice is you have to make a stand. Hand the pup back.... love it or not- its not your responsibility!! They got it , knowing they were working so they need to deal with it. I suspect it will cause chaos in their home , springers are lively working dogs. BUT that's their problem not yours.

In all of this I feel most sorry for the pup- when you stand back.... its not going to have such a nice life but perhaps doing so will make your son and his wife assume their responsibilities !!

Luckygirl Fri 02-Nov-18 08:45:59

Time to say No,maybe! If you do not like his behaviour, then you could deny some of his requests and only do those things that you are happy with. He won't know how you feel unless you are clear with him. I would say No to the dog for sure - his responsibility.

sodapop Fri 02-Nov-18 08:51:46

Definitely agree with the straight talking Tallulahbelle firstly with your husband to establish how much help is realistic to offer your son then with your son.
You need to say no and stick to your guns, things may be difficult in the short term but you should not allow this to continue. Resentment is going to build and relationships will suffer if you don't take action. Time for your son to take care of his own responsibilities.

glammanana Fri 02-Nov-18 09:45:50

Its certainly time for your boy to be taking responsibility for his dog I know just how exhausting they can be when they cannot go out prior to their needles we are experiencing it with Dolly at the minute but she is our puppy and our responsibility no one elses.
Your son sounds very entitled to me and needs talking to about giving you and your husband some respite from these duties,he is a grown man not a child.sorry to be so direct.

EllanVannin Fri 02-Nov-18 09:52:03

You've looked after him too well tallulahbelle. No bad thing.
While there's nothing wrong in remaining to " be your son's mother " I do think that he should now pull his weight.
I honestly don't think he's realised that you're older
now even though you're still working and is happy to continue in the way he's been used to.
The dog is his concern and I would be firm about that.

jessycake Fri 02-Nov-18 10:00:18

Springers are hard work and will need lots and lots of exercise , I would make sure you nip this one in the bud .

annep Fri 02-Nov-18 10:07:09

He's taking the **.
I'm afraid I don't have much sympathy. I would be saying no no no. He's an adult. Let him sort his own life.

GabriellaG Fri 02-Nov-18 10:10:16

Yes, he is but you're allowing it.
People only do what you allow them to get away with.
It's your call and I think you know what the answer is.
Either put up or.....grin

Auntieflo Fri 02-Nov-18 10:26:09

Why on earth did he get a puppy, when he knew they would be working? Most places will ask if the puppy will be left on it’s own, and he probably said, “oh my ma and pa will step in”. We had a lady next door once, who bred springer spaniels, and trained them as gun dogs, but we did find one in our garden one day. She just leapt over the fence, from a standing start, and the fence wasn’t small!
Say now that you cannot look after the pup, or she will become yours for ever.

DotMH1901 Fri 02-Nov-18 10:43:12

Do they live with you? Or is he dropping the dog off on the way to work? I think you need to give them notice that although you love their dog you are not going to spend the remainder of your years baby sitting it for them, especially as you are still working! Your DS sounds a lot like my DD. We live in the same house along with my three DGC (I am in the process of moving into the garage conversion annex but do the day to day care of the DGC and the housework as my DD works full time) Last Christmas she decided to get the DGC a hamster. I had said I didn't think it was a good idea as , unless you keep them really clean they smell! DD got in a huff and said she would deal with it all. Two weeks later I gave in and cleaned the cage out (it was very smelly) and have done so ever since. However, my DGD's do help as I have told them they need to learn to look after him. DD tells people the hamster is no trouble to look after which makes me laugh and I do tell them that is because she doesn't look after it! Now DD is talking about getting a dog - I have warned DGC they will have to 'scoop the poop' if she does as I know DD won't and I am determined I am not going to do it either. DCG are now thinking about a small dog as there will be less poop to clean up ! I do love my DD very much but she is delightfully vague about responsibilities!

dragonfly46 Fri 02-Nov-18 10:44:31

I feel sorry for you still working nights at 70. Do you love your job or can't you afford to stop. I know how tired I get.

My daughter has a dog but still likes to go away a lot. I will have him if I can but if not I put my foot down and she has to make other arrangements.

Patsy70 Fri 02-Nov-18 11:26:24

You really are being taken for granted, and allowing it to happen, Tallulah. Your son sounds incredibly selfish and thoroughly spoilt, but only you and your husband can resolve this situation. What do your other children think about his behaviour? Best wishes for your 70th Birthday - enjoy your celebrations. smile

Jens Fri 02-Nov-18 11:26:45

Hallo everyone, I was in a situation where I was looking after the house, letting in workmen can you cook lunch? Kids home from school. Then check home work. They’d go off away, who’s left 8n charge, me, over Christmas, new year, any time. Help prepare the food for dinner parties, up to 20! I was 70 at the time, after 5 years I blew my top! Now I’m pers9na non grata, don’t hear from them! Why! Because Embarrassed them! Uff, enuff, do i miss her? Yes but at least I have my sanity, I was sooooo stressed. . So, blow your stack, let it out, put it right. He won’t change until you do.

Nanny41 Fri 02-Nov-18 11:27:42

Why buy a puppy if you are giving the responsibility to someone else? He must sort his life out!

sarahellenwhitney Fri 02-Nov-18 11:50:57

Tallulabelle My thoughts are what a selfish and irresponsible person your son is. His partner is no better.
If you enjoy working that is your choice and why should you not do what you enjoy doing although I question were it not for this work would you be asking GN's for advice.,Your son needs to grow some and clearly taking advantage of you and his fathers generosity. I feel sorry for the dog.What exactly was your sons reason for taking on the responsibility of a dog. and any pet is a responsibility, when for over half the week the dog spends its time at your home. ?Cards on table so have a serious discussion with your son and his partner show him what you have presented to GN.If it all falls on stony ground get hold of the RSPCA they will deal with the issue of the puppy being passed from one to another and DH must also make his contribution as to both of your feelings . I sincerely hope this is soon resolved.

Tillybelle Fri 02-Nov-18 12:03:25

tallulahbelle As on "Belle" to another, may I be frighteningly blunt? I don't want to hurt you, you are obviously a lovely, kind, unselfish and caring lady. But you have to know. Your son - and his wife - are selfish. They are irresponsible, uncaring and self-centred.

It is time you and your DH to take the reigns of your life firmly in your hands and live for yourselves.
From now on say NO to any requests. No dog-sitting, no lifts, no helping out. Your son does not put you anywhere on his list of priorities. He does not care about your life. He is using you. He has to learn. It is time he grew up. Show him this if you like, or learn it and say it to hime repeatedly.

Congratulations on your 70th! Have a wonderful day with the people who appreciate you and know you for your true worth! flowers

oldbatty Fri 02-Nov-18 12:04:49

How old is he....40 something?