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Male Infertility

(14 Posts)
crochetgran Wed 31-Jul-19 20:31:12

My son and his wife have just been told he is infertile. They are gutted and my heart is broken for them. Does anyone, who might have been in the same situation have any advice on how I can help them? I’m close to my son, but I can’t find the words.

midgey Wed 31-Jul-19 20:33:42

How very sad for them for you.flowers

Fennel Thu 01-Aug-19 09:53:39

That's very sad, for all of you.
I know it won't be much comfort, but the rate of male infertility is evidently increasing.
www.carolinasfertilityinstitute.com/male-infertility-increasing/
The article mentions possible treatment.
One of my DiLs is infertile, they've adopted.

Fennel Thu 01-Aug-19 09:55:26

ps as to how you can help them, I would think they need to come to terms with it themselves first, just be supportive. Unless they ask you for help.

grandtanteJE65 Thu 01-Aug-19 11:36:42

I am so sorry for them and for you.

Adoption, or artificial insemination might be a possibility, if they are still young enough to adopt.

Right now, just tell them much what you have said here. Knowing that you are as shocked and distressed as they are will probably help.

Perhaps say something like, " I know you probably are not ready to talk about it, but I am here and happy to listen when you do want to talk" would be the way forward.

notanan2 Thu 01-Aug-19 11:46:28

Forgive me if Im teaching granny to suck eggs:

Please dont say "you can always adopt"
A. Its not that easy. You cant "just" adopt!
B. They need to process the loss of the option of having their own biological children
They may (or may not) chose to adopt in the future but that doesnt ease what theyre going through now

Ditto sperm donor. They are not annonomous these days and it is not the same thing. They may chose it in the future. But right now that option doesnt make things better.

Do not suggest silver linings. "Oh well, at least you can have child free holidays!" (Yes people will say things like that to them. A lot. )

I dont really have any "do"s just "dont"s so I suppose follow their lead. Let them go through the process of grief and whatever comes after that x

stella1949 Thu 01-Aug-19 12:34:26

There isn't anything you can do or say, OP. It's just so sad but they have to process this information themselves.

My DH was / is infertile and he said that when he found out, he and his then-wife were inundated with advice and suggestions, but all they wanted was some peace so they could deal with it. They ended up adopting but it isn't for everyone.

silverlining48 Thu 01-Aug-19 12:35:49

Notanan. The comment you said that was made by silverlining, well that wasn’t me.

notanan2 Thu 01-Aug-19 12:37:19

I didnt mean the username. I mean silver linings as in people often tell people that have infertility that there are silver linings y'know?

notanan2 Thu 01-Aug-19 12:38:33

Like "think of all the disposable income/non sleepless nights/holidays you'll have" sort of silver lining comments. They are not helpful

silverlining48 Thu 01-Aug-19 12:40:35

Oh ok, thanks fir clarifying that.

Squiffy Thu 01-Aug-19 13:04:58

I imagine that they will initially go through a type of grieving process and need time to adjust.

Fennel Thu 01-Aug-19 17:26:25

When my son and his wife discovered they couldn't have children they went through a very difficult phase. We were living nearby at the time and she said she had ME, spent a lot of time asleep. We didn't probe, I was very worried but we realised it was their problem. Had them round for meals etc.
In the end she told us about it, and that they had decided to try to adopt. UK adoption isn't easy.
They're the ones who are living in India with 4 orphan children.

kittylester Thu 01-Aug-19 19:08:36

Im so sorry to hear your son's news, crochetgran. You must be sad too!

The girl who does my feet has just had an IVF baby by an anonymous donor from America.

She was told that there are not enough British donors just because they are no longer anonymous.