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Here is a real hot potato! My DS has just got engaged to the most wonderful girl. We are over the moon. They have started to write their wedding guest list and come up against the usual problem. Who can they leave off?! They are blessed with many wonderful and dear friends that they want to share the day with. But we also have big families. On our side alone there are over 30 siblings, aunts, uncles , cousins. I have two brothers and although we don't see them often ( they live a distance away) we are all close and there are 5 Male cousins and the 6 boys are very close in age and get on so well whenever we do meet up. Of course, now they are grown up, they have wives, girlfriends, fiancees to include. My husbands sister, who lives round the corner, is a lot older and had her children very young, so, although cousins, they are much older than my DS. In fact one has children who are nearer to my DS in age. Two of them live a long way away and we never ever see them. We send Christmas cards and they all came to my daughters weddings. Even when they come to see their mum we never see them. DS has not had an engagement congratulation card off any of them. The two boys are my sons godfathers. I know you will all say "don't invite them. Invite who you want". And that is what I want to say. But the problem is my SiL. Rational, fair argument are not anywhere near her nature. She is like living with an unexploded but ticking bomb, and always has been. She so easily takes offence at the very slightest, usually imaginary thing. Then there are the sulks, the put downs and, worst of all, the silences. The worst one lasted ten years! and covered the deaths of both her parents. It turned out my DH had said "suit yourself "! Apparently no one had ever spoken to her like that in her life!! She is snubbing us at the moment because she would not listen when we asked her to move up the bench at church. It was absolutely nothing, but she stormed off and sat at the back. So the thought of not inviting her children to our DSs wedding is almost impossible even though they are virtual strangers to my son and if all these people come my DS and nearly DiL may not be able to invite all their friends. The wedding will not be local and their friends are scattered all over the country. Any advice please.
When there are such a lot of extended famiy members, it may be best for them to just cut it down to immediate family and their friends and it really must be the bride and groom's choice ultimately. Hope all goes well.
It is their day and they should invite who they want.So many people fall out over guest lists. My father in law and his sister fell out because my daughter did not invite all of his sisters family to her wedding - why would she - she didn’t know them and my poor father in law was not responsible for my daughters decision yet his sister chose never to speak to him again, very sad.
I’m so glad my youngest two show no desire to get married.
Our eldest did have a wonderful day which we all enjoyed, but although we pretty much gave them a free rein, there were ups and downs along the way. I honestly wouldn’t want to do it again.
when my DD got married she and her groom decided who to invite, their wedding and their choice. We too have a big family and its impossible to please everyone. Let them decide who they want to share their day with,
I come from a very large family, 15 aunts and uncles plus their wives and husbands. In total I think I have just over 70 cousin's.
When I got married we paid for the whole thing ourselves. It would have been impossible to invite everyone so, I made the decision to invite just my aunties and uncles (30 in total). I would have liked to invite the odd cousin but made the decision that would make the situation more difficult .
Two aunties rang to ask if their entire families were invited. After being told there were no cousins on the guest list, they decided to stay away. They weren't missed.
I have sent a private message in response Lizzbethann55
I agreed completely when DS and DiL said they would not invite someone who'd be introduced for the first time on the day!
They did it their way and 3 years later are very happy.
I've been married twice and in both cases limited the guests to not more than 12 - parents, godmother, my children, MIL's sister and her husband and daughter and my best friend and her brother (an ex boyfriend). And a couple of friends of the bridegrooms. Let the happy couple invite who they want, but if necessary, just say you're sorry - just a very quiet and small occasion.
Regardless of who pays for the wedding, the guests must be the bride and groom's choice. We didn't know who was coming to our daughter's wedding until they turned up on the day. If your SIL never speaks to you again, that sounds like a cause for rejoicing to me.
leave all invitations to them its not your wedding, my mother interfered with ours 40 years ago and we didnt want half the people there we did it to please my mother, not a good start in life, just make it clear they are sending out the invites, they are choosing who comes to their wedding
I second the advice to leave it up to the young couple to decide, but actually I wondered if they had consulted you already and that was why you were concerned.
My advice to anyone getting married is to keep expenses to an absolut minimum. We invited everyone of a large circle to attend our nuptial mass and held a reception in the church hall where wine, coffee, tea and snacks were served immediately afterwards. Our ten nearest relatives were invited for dinner in the evening.
These days it seems to be the fashion to use about the same amount as would pay off a mortgage on a nice family home to celebrate a wedding, which to my mind is totally ridiculous.
Your difficult SIL is going to be difficult whatever happens, she probably got that way because everyone has taken the least line of resistance for years. Don't discuss the wedding plans with her.
How about suggesting close family and friends for the wedding and later a gathering of the clan to meet the newlyweds. 2 different invites ahead of the big day.
A wedding is the business if the Adorable Couple, and their decision to invite their loved ones. Someone who behaves as your sil in church needs prayer! People who you have to tiptoe around have no place in your life, much less at the Wedding! My darling daughter sadly died before her wedding in 2016. The ceremony invitations were to her sibs families, her dad and wife, her stepsisters and partners groom’s parents, his sibs families, myself and hubby; plus my best friend, who was with me when I had her, and been like a special auntie all her life (and my greatest support in my grief journey), and her bestie chief bridesmaid and family, the best man and his family: which with their own four children, came to over forty people! No one else at all, especially not my wider family who had never bothered with my children. My s-i-l said it wad disgusting, but I said it was their call. The evening do was to include all their friends. Quite right.
It's THEIR wedding and they should decide.
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