Wedding invites

It's THEIR wedding and they should decide.

A wedding is the business if the Adorable Couple, and their decision to invite their loved ones. Someone who behaves as your sil in church needs prayer! People who you have to tiptoe around have no place in your life, much less at the Wedding! My darling daughter sadly died before her wedding in 2016. The ceremony invitations were to her sibs families, her dad and wife, her stepsisters and partners groom’s parents, his sibs families, myself and hubby; plus my best friend, who was with me when I had her, and been like a special auntie all her life (and my greatest support in my grief journey), and her bestie chief bridesmaid and family, the best man and his family: which with their own four children, came to over forty people! No one else at all, especially not my wider family who had never bothered with my children. My s-i-l said it wad disgusting, but I said it was their call. The evening do was to include all their friends. Quite right.

How about suggesting close family and friends for the wedding and later a gathering of the clan to meet the newlyweds. 2 different invites ahead of the big day.

I second the advice to leave it up to the young couple to decide, but actually I wondered if they had consulted you already and that was why you were concerned.

My advice to anyone getting married is to keep expenses to an absolut minimum. We invited everyone of a large circle to attend our nuptial mass and held a reception in the church hall where wine, coffee, tea and snacks were served immediately afterwards. Our ten nearest relatives were invited for dinner in the evening.

These days it seems to be the fashion to use about the same amount as would pay off a mortgage on a nice family home to celebrate a wedding, which to my mind is totally ridiculous.

Your difficult SIL is going to be difficult whatever happens, she probably got that way because everyone has taken the least line of resistance for years. Don't discuss the wedding plans with her.

leave all invitations to them its not your wedding, my mother interfered with ours 40 years ago and we didnt want half the people there we did it to please my mother, not a good start in life, just make it clear they are sending out the invites, they are choosing who comes to their wedding

Regardless of who pays for the wedding, the guests must be the bride and groom's choice. We didn't know who was coming to our daughter's wedding until they turned up on the day. If your SIL never speaks to you again, that sounds like a cause for rejoicing to me.

I've been married twice and in both cases limited the guests to not more than 12 - parents, godmother, my children, MIL's sister and her husband and daughter and my best friend and her brother (an ex boyfriend). And a couple of friends of the bridegrooms. Let the happy couple invite who they want, but if necessary, just say you're sorry - just a very quiet and small occasion.

I agreed completely when DS and DiL said they would not invite someone who'd be introduced for the first time on the day!
They did it their way and 3 years later are very happy.

I have sent a private message in response Lizzbethann55

I come from a very large family, 15 aunts and uncles plus their wives and husbands. In total I think I have just over 70 cousin's.

When I got married we paid for the whole thing ourselves. It would have been impossible to invite everyone so, I made the decision to invite just my aunties and uncles (30 in total). I would have liked to invite the odd cousin but made the decision that would make the situation more difficult .

Two aunties rang to ask if their entire families were invited. After being told there were no cousins on the guest list, they decided to stay away. They weren't missed.

when my DD got married she and her groom decided who to invite, their wedding and their choice. We too have a big family and its impossible to please everyone. Let them decide who they want to share their day with,

I’m so glad my youngest two show no desire to get married.

Our eldest did have a wonderful day which we all enjoyed, but although we pretty much gave them a free rein, there were ups and downs along the way. I honestly wouldn’t want to do it again.

It is their day and they should invite who they want.So many people fall out over guest lists. My father in law and his sister fell out because my daughter did not invite all of his sisters family to her wedding - why would she - she didn’t know them and my poor father in law was not responsible for my daughters decision yet his sister chose never to speak to him again, very sad.

When there are such a lot of extended famiy members, it may be best for them to just cut it down to immediate family and their friends and it really must be the bride and groom's choice ultimately. Hope all goes well.

Who’s paying for this wedding? Weddings can be so traumatising. We handled our daughters one very badly 3 years ago, and although we’ve come through it, there’s most likely always going to be a line over which we can’t cross. I won’t go into details, but it would have been far easier if we’d said from the start they should pay for it themselves. Most people do these days apparently. If you’re paying, for goodness sake , don’t ask people who are difficult. If she can sulk for ten years because someone said “ suit yourself “ to her, she really isn’t worth the effort. Stick to people you love and love being around. Throw duty and obligation in the bin. If nothing else, it’s a waste of money to host people like that. Good luck?

Their wedding, their choices, and their responsibility! End of.

Stand back, its not your wedding. Get involved at your peril.
At my sons wedding there were 140 friends and it was a wonderful wedding. No family except siblings. We only knew a handful of people and had a ball. Their friends were awesome. When people tried to protest to me re their choice, l simply told them it was nothing to do with me and to speak to my son. Noone ever did.

My sons and his fiancée chose there guest list from people who they had seen in the previous 12 months. No exceptions!

My Nephew just had the most beautiful wedding, no arguments, no nastiness, just the very closest family, the bride and grooms parents, and any other siblings, and that was it! Not even I got an invite, but I was happy with that, as they are low on money, and the whole thing was filmed and edited perfectly.
They got married in a gorgeous little cottage, then went for a meal, and then all played a game of cards and had a drink afterwards! Some might call that dull, but you can see they had a wonderful time, no-one got upset because it was closest family only, they saved loads of money and yet still had the day they loved.

Oh dear...weddings and funerals seem to bring out the best and the worst in families.

I think it should be up to whoever is paying for the wedding to do the inviting.

Someone`s going to be hurt whatever you do.

Maybe having a reasonably sized wedding breakfast and a free for all night do will help.

Oooh weddings and funerals! Families behave so badly! My daughter chose the venue before deciding on a guest list - that way she knew what numbers she had to play with. She also banned under 12s, because they would cost £30 a head even for small children. She had 80 places for a sit down meal and invited immediate family, close friends (some of whom came from Europe and the US - no "plus 1s" - and then opened things up for the evening session. Some people were offended they couldn't bring their small children and/or new boyfriend/girlfriend but everyone survived!! And it was a good day. And it cost a lot of money!! My nephew and his fiance took themselves off to Las Vegas, had a fun wedding exactly the way they wanted, then had a big party when they came back, arranging food by booking a fish and chip stall, a falafal stall and a mobile bar, which people then bought as they wanted to eat and drink. Champagne was provided for toasts, and a wedding cake and desserts were provided too. It was much more economical, great fun and all ages attended, from babes in arms to great grannies! So there you have it - two totally different approaches, two fab days. Some noses put out of joint, but it's the couple's choice that matters, no-one else.

How about a post wedding family party...

Do yourself a favour and just jeep saying your wedding your guestlist. Even when asked for imput.

Your son and his fiancee should decide on guests. Why would they want to invite people they don't know or haven't seen. That has to be your "get out" phrase for the SIL.

It sounds as if she isn’t talking to you anyway and obvious doesn’t care if she upsets anyone so why are you bothered about her?

Ignore her and leave it to them