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Youngest daughter...and her mental health...

(44 Posts)
GrannyOrNanny Sun 03-Nov-19 17:53:11

My youngest daughter is 20, and has never held down a proper job as such. We support her, are always there for her but it’s not something I really talk about outside the family.

We went away for a fornights holiday recently and it was picked up the work that our daughter had come along. No great shakes but it seems they (certain people at work) think she’s a lucky holiday, etc.

What hs it got to do with others I really don’t know. How would you react if it were you?

Urmstongran Sun 03-Nov-19 18:24:26

I’d smile and brush it off. Just say ‘we love it she still likes to join us’.

Actually, it’s probably old news now anyway. The work colleagues will be discussing someone else.

Try not to overthink it. It’s probably upset you a bit because you like to keep stuff private. It’ll pass - less is more.

FlexibleFriend Sun 03-Nov-19 18:30:20

You've lost me, People at work think she's a lucky girl for having a free holiday, which bit of that is wrong? Why do you care what other people think whether it's good or bad, as long as you're happy what else matters?

notanan2 Sun 03-Nov-19 19:03:37

Its not mutually exclusive.

She can be lucky to have had a nice holiday AND have her struggles.

Honestly they were probably just making polite small talk I doubt theyve thought too hard about it. Would you rather they ignored you & didnt ask how your break was?

Dee1012 Sun 03-Nov-19 19:08:10

I think it depends on how things are said, if just an aside then to be honest I'd ignore it.
If you feel it's rude, why not ask the person politely what they mean?

grannyactivist Sun 03-Nov-19 19:13:36

For years my parents-in-law paid for the hire of a holiday home for all the family; now that privilege has fallen to us. Our adult children, their children and my in-laws join us every year. At other times of the year we take individual couples away or the grandchildren.

It’s pretty normal to take a 20 year old on holiday if you ask me.

M0nica Sun 03-Nov-19 20:10:49

Like grannyactivist each year we pay for both our children to come for a holiday in our French holiday home. Both are in their late 40s with good well paid jobs It is nobodies business but ours how we choose to spend our money.

Most parents help their children in one way or the other, depending on their income: a bag of groceries, hosting Christmas, having a day out, a holiday, deposit for a house, we all do it one way or another.

Someone just made a stupid remark. I doubt whether it was as freighted with meaning and importance as you have given it. I would probably have just said 'Yes, we love our family holidays' and forgotten the interchange with in minutes, the remark was that trivial.

MawB Sun 03-Nov-19 20:38:03

Am I missing something here?
What has your daughter’s mental health got to do with comments about her holidaying with you ? confused
What does her holidaying with her parents have to do with anybody anyway?

crazyH Sun 03-Nov-19 20:44:20

GrannyON - you are overthinking.
Ofcourse, you will help and support your daughter. I think the 'lucky girl' remark was just a passing comment. I wouldn't take it to heart.

M0nica Sun 03-Nov-19 21:19:14

Actually if someone, lightly commented 'Lucky girl' or 'Lucky boy' to me I would agree with them, my DC are fortunate that their parents can afford to treat them as we do, not many parents can.

NanaandGrampy Sun 03-Nov-19 21:29:23

My daughters usually came on holiday with us , then they got married and their husbands came along. Then the babies arrived and ..yes... they came too !

They know they were fortunate , we paid for them . Once they started work they paid for themselves .

Anyone can comment whatever they like - it’s none of their business and quite frankly I don’t care what they think 😁

Tangerine Sun 03-Nov-19 22:18:07

Ignore your colleagues' remarks.

You know them better than we do. If you think they were trying to be unkind, don't give them the satisfaction of knowing they've needled you.

Maybe they weren't being unpleasant. People don't always think things through and perhaps it was just a passing remark.

janeainsworth Sun 03-Nov-19 22:24:03

I think your colleagues were paying you a compliment by saying that your DD is fortunate to have generous parents.
Why think the worst of people?

SalsaQueen Mon 04-Nov-19 13:29:43

Like MawB, I am confused - what has the post got to do with your daughter's mental health? I'd be inclined to say "We like going away together as a FAMILY"

Shelmiss Mon 04-Nov-19 13:47:11

It sounds like you are feeling guilty having to justify taking your daughter away on holiday. Don’t be. We take our 3 daughters away (all in their 20s with good jobs) and their partners every couple of years. When we tell people they say oh how lovely. And it is, we make memories which we cherish. So just enjoy it.

Gonegirl Mon 04-Nov-19 14:01:01

Oh for goodness sake! Many families have one adult child who needs more support than the others, I know I do. You help your kids as and when necessary.

Of course it's no one else's business. Ignore.

Gonegirl Mon 04-Nov-19 14:03:31

I would imagine the mental health issue means this young lady cannot earn a great amount and, therefore, cannot afford to pay for a holiday of her own.

Barmeyoldbat Mon 04-Nov-19 14:55:54

We use to tok two of our adult GC on holiday, I was just happy that they wanted to come with us on the sort of holiday we go on.

Camelotclub Mon 04-Nov-19 15:34:19

What the hell business is it of theirs?

Oopsminty Mon 04-Nov-19 15:36:16

You must work with very strange people.

Why would anyone even comment?

Greciangirl Mon 04-Nov-19 15:40:29

Where does her mental health come into it,
A little more clarity would be good.

welbeck Mon 04-Nov-19 15:48:56

sounds like they are not busy enough at work. just ignore.
but is there a hint that you feel awkward about you dd having problems and therefore being less independent. ie is it a touchy subject for you. either way that's your issue but some underlying attitude may be making things harder for you.
just rise above comments from people who are not central to your life. we don't choose our co-workers. suggest you don't engage in small talk, just enough to be polite, nothing personal. keep your head down, be busy, pre-occupied. if someone makes appointed remark pick the phone up saying I must make this call now.
good luck.

Daisymae Mon 04-Nov-19 15:56:50

We often go away with AC. I wonder if perhaps you are being a tad over sensitive about the issue? She is lucky to have parents that care and not everyone does. Apart from that no one else should care who pays for what. Ignore it.

jaylucy Mon 04-Nov-19 16:15:43

Why shouldn't you take your daughter on holiday, whatever the state of her mental health?
Some people just can't help being spiteful - just leave them to it - it's none of their business who why, where or how you have a holiday !

Madmaggie Mon 04-Nov-19 16:28:49

GrannyorNanny it's true that many young people can't wait to spread theirs wings and have a holiday away from the eye of mum & dad. Truth is it's often not as wild or glamourous as they imagine! I know six families where the 19/20 year old member has been a happy and willing member of their holiday group and they wouldn't have it any other way. I wasn't there so don't know how your work colleague spoke but we both know there's always that one person at work who speaks before engaging brain. I hope your holiday was wonderful for all of you.