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daughter and son in law

(9 Posts)
rivercross Wed 13-Nov-19 16:58:37

I am worried sick about my daughter and son in law
They have two young toddlers and seem to be oblivious about their own health

Son in law is grossly over weight, has a very unhealthy diet and hypertension. He is 35 and his father died at 44-45 from heart related disease.

My daughter has never been very over weight but would have been around 12 stone for her 5ft 8 height.
After the second baby was born 21 months ago on the advice of her Health visitor she went on an anti depressant for post natal depression and is on it since then.

She is getting bigger by the month and when I addressed this with her she said it was down to the medication.

I dont know that it is all the medication as she is eating huge amounts of chocolate and sweets and even coke that she never ate before.

She must weigh about 17 stone and is like a beached whale. She is buying size 18-20 clothes.

It is breaking my heart to see her like this but I am not sure how to address the issue.

dragonfly46 Wed 13-Nov-19 17:04:10

This is so hard. When my DD was in her twenties she was quite plump but if I said anything she would take offence. I had to be so careful. It didn't change until she was happy in her relationship and took up exercise. In fact she became a personal trainer for a time. It has to come from them as the more you nag the worse it gets.

SueDonim Wed 13-Nov-19 20:40:54

Some types of anti-depressants are well known to induce weight-gain. I don't know if it's because they stimulate the appetite or whether it's another mechanism.

I'd be quite concerned that her doctor or HV hasn't picked up on this side effect, really. It's such a difficult subject, and such a worry for you.

Scentia Wed 13-Nov-19 20:51:38

I can see why you are worried about them, I feel similar about my DD and SiL but, and it is a big but. They are grown ups and it really is their business. My husband and I were quite unhealthy as young parents but we sorted ourselves out once we were ready. All you can do is sit back and offer support when they are ready to change.

M0nica Wed 13-Nov-19 21:47:33

I understand your fears and worries, I would be equally concerned were the same problem to happen in my family, but as we all say. There is little you can do to urge them to look after their health if they choose not to.

But with such unhealthy parents, I suspect that they do not take the children out and about much so the children do not get much exercise.

You do not say how close you live to your daughter or whether you look after the children at any time. however if you get the chance to have the children to yourself, try and make that time with them active, at their current ages a trip to the park and rides on swings and roundabouts, but you could take them swimming or two plaaygyms and other places where they can play around and be active.

Also give the children healthy food when with you. No sweets or sugary items and incorporate fruit and vegetables into any food you feed them.

Hithere Thu 14-Nov-19 03:26:46

I understand your concern as you want the best for them

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do

When a person is overweight, he/she knows it. Pointing it out to them does not make them see the light

Adults' health is between them and their doctor.
A third person, like you, has no business in this matter.

When you meet your dd and her family, concentrate on happy subjects. Do not mention their diet, lifestyle or weight again.

They will make changes when they are ready for it.

grandtanteJE65 Sat 16-Nov-19 13:14:32

If you have told her that you are seriously concerned about her health and your daughter has brushed you off, there is sadly nothing you can do.

21 months seems a long time to be on anti-depressants for post natal depression, but again, if your daughter won't listen, you can't help. Have you tried mentioning your worries for your daughter to your son-in-law? He too may be worried about her.

With regards to his lifestyle, he seems either not to believe that his father's early death was related to overweight, or is ignoring the connection. If his wife can't change his attitude, you won't be able to either.

I am very much afraid you will need to bite your tongue and hope and pray that your daughter sorts herself out.

sodapop Sat 16-Nov-19 16:28:48

I agree with MOnica the adults are responsible for their own health but you can help with the children, exercise, encourage healthy eating etc. The over eating by your daughter may well be a symptom of her depression, perhaps joining a group for support would help her.

Madgran77 Sat 16-Nov-19 16:32:42

It is so hard bit you have to let them make their own decisions.