Do you worry what will happen to all your belongings when you die?

We have recently cleared MILs house, I found it very sad that we were all picking over her things, whilst she was in a home thinking all of her possessions were still at her house.
However, when we went to find certain items, especially jewellery, we found it had all gone, lots of other items as well had all disappeared, we assume that she threw it all out in the rubbish when she was in the early stages of Dementia.
SIL is very upset about the jewellery some of which was her Grandmothers.

So, if your kids want your stuff and you don’t use it very often, let them take it and enjoy it.

I’ve already pointed out to dds certain things that are not to go to either tip or charity shop but should be kept - that is if anyone wants them and has room! or else sold.
But I will make a list too.

As far as I’m concerned, everything else can be left to a house clearance firm - having done it myself, I wouldn’t want dds to have all that bother - so often very upsetting, too.

You do need to be vigilant with house clearance people, though. When my sister was clearing an aunt’s house after she’d had to go into a home, she saw the clearance people paying more than cursory attention to a picture that had been wrapped in brown paper and stashed behind a chest of drawers.

She recognised it as having belonged to our granny , who used to like going to sales and picking up things she liked for very little.

My sister had the picture valued. It turned out to be by quite a well known Victorian artist, and sold at auction for over
£10k, which all went into the coffers for care home fees.

Nothing else in the house was worth anything, but thank goodness my sister was keeping her eyes open.
My granny clearly had a good eye!

Cfaz49. Last year while looking for drawers I visited an auction house for first time, it made me feel so sad. As you say everyone's 'best' china and glass ware, in cardboard boxes going for a song. Dil got a beautiful dinner service for £8 as well as a 'collectable' tea service for £5. I just found it all depressing, ok Dil will use them but someone somewhere had stored these items for years without using them because they were 'best' and relatives or who-ever had put them in a box to be sold as junk. It was an eye opener and I would urge anyone holding on to 'best' china etc to visit your local auction house and it might make you change your mind. Start giving it away now!

the person who said a younger friend had asked for first dibs, made me think, and above re auction items.
sometimes our friends or even acquaintances may be more likely to appreciate and value an item, than people who happen to have inherited. even close relatives.
perhaps it would be good to give things to people whom we believe would truly treasure them; give them now, while we can.
just because we are related to someone, even those we care for or feel close to, doesn't mean they will value or appreciate the items that we do.
i know it sounds silly, but i would like to think that if poss things could be in the care and use of appreciative people.

re OOPS, above, it's strange that it was jewellery that she threw away, how about hair brushes, milk jugs, odd shoes. did she have careworkers or cleaners coming into the house.
i heard of one woman who was restricted to downstairs, had careworkers. she eventually went into carehome. when her relatives came to clear her house, they found almost nothing upstairs, where all the plate, silver, best linen, clothes etc had been stored, to make more living space downstairs.
i have heard of this all too often.
first one we had told me of how her previous client gave her lots of presents, made me feel v uncomfortable.

welbeck lots of things were missing, we think she threw lots of stuff in the bin.
MIL collected owls, they were everywhere, when we came to sort the house we only found 3 .
SIL had started going through the rubbish bins after FIL died , but I don’t think she was quick enough.
We took her a huge bunch of flowers for her birthday, she said these are lovely I have a special place for these and walked towards the back door opened it and flung them into the garden! When we went back to retrieve them to take them home we found various bunches out there and pot plants, all just thrown out.
She would be mortified if she was aware of what is happening to her.

I only have a few things that I'm concerned about Apart from a few pieces of personal jewellery all belonged to my parents and I've already discussed them with our children.
I do worry about which of them will have the job of clearing the house after we've both gone. I'm older than husband so l'll probably go first. And he's a hoarder +++
I know what a sad hard job it is as I cleared my parent's house and it took months.

I don't really value things so I'm very minimalist these days. I regularly take a bag of assorted bits to the charity shop when I'm going shopping anyway or walking the dog. It feels so good to get rid of stuff. Once it's in that bag I forget all about it. It's no longer 'mine'.

I had a bonfire today to dispose of all the old/outdated paperwork - much nicer/quicker than shredding it. I'd say my belongings (apart from furniture) would easily fit in a small van.

No I have never thought about it, but I am trying to de clutter the hardest thing for me is that I’ve been bought some really nice things by friends over the years and I can’t part with them, and I have kept lots of my children’s bits and bobs from when they were at school, other things are easier to let go of, oh I don’t know how I feel about a friend asking if she can have first dibs on my stuff when I die, lol

I’m going to have to borrow you Hetty58 I think, I am getting bit better as the weeks go by

Having spent the whole day decluttering I thought I had done really well. However I now feel the need to actually keep going as you have reminded me of the times that I have felt so sad having to quickly clear out some relations homes. Wish I was a natural minimalist.

I decluttered very carefully when I recently moved house.

Now I try not to keep unnecessary "stuff".

My paperwork is in order and I've made it as easy as possible for anyone to clear my house.

Evianners and Framilode - I'm in the same boat with the railway stuff. Huge layout, empty boxes kept for all the engines and the rolling stock, masses of books and god knows what else. All 'valuable', of course. I try not to think about it. DH hates throwing anything away so to compensate I have regular culls of my own stuff. Our poor children!

Much the same in this house. Not railwayana, but loads of other collectibles, some valuable, some not. Tools, electronics, books, cds, paperwork.....
I do have some best china which I don’t use as it doesn’t go in the dishwasher.
There are also things that came from our parents..........
It is true, things we treasure make very little at auctions.

It took three skips, several car loads and a house clearance firm after my parents died and we vowed we would not do the same to our children, but I bet we will.

“Things” don’t matter, people do.

I’m not in the least bit worried about what will happen to possessions. I’m more concerned that it won’t create a burden for those who have to dispose of it.
I do know that if husband goes first, more than half the wardrobe space will be freed up and I’m dreading clearing the garage.

A Sil of mine and her family were shocked when a nephew’s wife, no blood relation, having heard that family could choose what they liked from the deceased grandmother’s house - immediately dived in and helped herself to all the jewellery!

I’m pleased to say they made her give it all back.

Long before she died, my mother often used to tell us to ‘put our names on’ anything we’d like after she was gone, because, ‘I don’t want any squabbling!’ (She and her own siblings had never got on very well.).

We always assured her that there would never be any squabbling, and there never was.

I love these posts

my response

NO!

Yes, a little.

i have planted quite few trees in my gardens where I have lived. I have an oak tree that I watched from a tiny seedling and which is now big and straight enought to make a mast for a fair sized sailing boat. Oak tree is in a suitable position vis a vis the house.

My previous house from early 1960s :I looked at google maps and discovered my cherry tree, my pink hawthorn ,and my crab apple were still there when the map was photographed and this gives me quite a lot of pleasure and solace.

Yes I do worry about my dog.

I have regular clear outs and I do like a minimalistic home with just a few nice bits. When I pop my clogs I don’t want my 3 to have to pile thro mountains of “stuff”. My own Mum is 90 next month and when we do lose her, it will take us a year and a day to clear her house out as she just cannot throw a thing away.

I've moved house 5 times in last 15 years + I'm a tidy person .

Never want to or had the opportunity to hoard.

So not worried. Hate to think my DH and daughter had so much to sort out of mine. My only worry is Mya, my rescue dog.

Framilode. Sell the railway things !!! Enjoy the money !!

Very interesting ladies, thank you all for your posts. Have a good day all, sun is actually out this morning so enjoy!

Some of my stuff the kids have said they would like when I die, the rest I guess they will dump which isn’t a problem to me

I do think about it. When my sister and I cleared our family house we struggled to make decisions about family stuff with the result we both have things we dont really want, which have no value or interest to others, but we feel we have to keep. Its a dilemma as my sister is childfree and I have one child who has special needs/disabilities and who is probably likely to end up in some sort of supported living where he will have no room to have much stuff (even if it was wanted).

@Alexa, have you heard of The Cinnamon Trust? Of course I hope it will never be needed! - but they will take pets of people who have died or are too infirm to care for them. They do their best to re-home, but keep the older ones - IIRC dogs over 10.
We once visited a Cinnamon Trust home in the SW UK - it was such a lovely, homely environment for them. We thought that any dog or cat that nobody else could take and which ended its days there, would be very lucky.