If you feel you need a laugh (and who doesn't at the moment) ...

I was recently out for a meal with DH and DS and DD. We were chatting away and the waitress came to our table and wrote down our choices. She looked at me and said ‘what’s your name?’. I smiled and told her but she looked confused and the kids were sat open mouthed. She had actually said ‘What’s your main?’ I’m not a great one for social events and I thought it was strange she should ask but perhaps this was a new trend in being more customer friendly! We all had a laugh about it but it was embarrassing.

I was once teaching a Yr 6 class a sex education lesson based on growing up and what they were looking forward to. I had plenty of answers such as,’driving a car, earning money, getting married.’ One boy then put up his hand and said masturbation!! Myself and my TA nearly chocked. The other children looked quite bemused having never heard the word before. Luckily before having to explain the boy went on to say he was looking forward to doing what he liked and being free. The word he was thinking of was emancipation.
So funny I still laugh about it years on

Sunlover ??

Glorybe , haha that's a laugh out loud one ! thank you . Keep 'em comin' .

I found a programme on BBC I player that has me laughing like a drain its Two Doors Down. You need to be broadminded and not mind the swearing- it is very very funny.

Many years ago my nephew, aged about 8, announced he'd had sex at school that day!

After a stunned silence we discovered he meant he'd had 'secs' as in second helping of pudding!

These days, that’s what it means for me too Grannybags?

I once said to my friend, years ago,that my MIL had a laugh like a drain and my young son was listening. When we came to visit he told his lovely gran that she looked like a drain. She looked puzzled as I froze. I tried to explain that she really hurried about as fast as a train. Er that didnt work.

If I want to have a good laugh then I look at Still Game, it cracks me up every time.

A friend of mine was the daughter of a vicar, and the Bishop was expected for lunch. Younger daughter was asked to lay the table. When the family + Bishop sat down to eat, Mother said “Susie, you haven’t laid any knives and forks for the Bishop”.
“But Mummy, you said the Bishop ate like a horse ...’.

This time last year I was on a month long South Sea Island Cruise. One night we shared a restaurant table with a lovely Chinese/American couple, who were celebrating 50 years of marriage. The wife had us in stitches by saying that when she met her husband on their 1st date, she walked straight by him as “ all Chinese men look alike “, and then she told us a few other tales. An Australian man, also on our table, then asked the husband “ what’s your version of events ? “. The husband then replied “ No I don’t know if she was a virgin as she’d had a couple of boyfriends before me” ?? the whole table just sat trying not to howl with laughter/embarrassment, while the wife then explained that he’d said “version” not “virgin”.

As an ex nurse, I retired last year after 40 years on register, I am absolutely disgusted with people's behaviour on going to packed places like the seaside. Utter selfish behaviour springs to mind. I still have a large group of friends that are still going into work to risk their lives for yours and your family and this is the way you show that you have utter disregard for others. Yes it is hard having to isolate, but to save lives it is necessary. I know that many are sticking to advice, but to those who are so selfish and have no regards for others HAVING to risk their lives to care for you when you become I'll you are "...." well words cannot describe what fools you are. Mr Johnson and his government need to start acting like leaders instead of blaming and leaving things to others so they themselves wont get blamed, for heavens sake take control and act like you care.

When my daughter was about 6, she suddenly said I’m going to be sick. I grabbed the nearest thing which was a cut glass bowl and she vomited into it. About two years later I had friends round for a meal and had made a trifle in said bowl. My daughter suddenly announced yuk that’s the ‘sick bowl’.

My darling little 5 yearold grand son sat on my lap, a few weeks ago, and declared loud and clear that "Nan has got a moustache "......since then, I have paid close attention to my upper lip.
This same little darling has now developed some unusual lumps on his neck and is having an urgent referral to a paediatrician.....please God, it's nothing serious. We are so worried.

Are you on the right thread Beanie??

Many years ago when our son was young we went for a weekend to Butlins. The accommodation had been recently refurbished and we had a lovely 2 bed apartment with a kitchen. The kitchen had tea/coffee making facilities and supplies. We'd been there about an hour and there was a knock at the door which was out of sight of the main area. DH went to answer. He was gone for ages and eventually I went to find out what was happening. There was a young lady the other side of the door and both DH and her were looking very awkward. On my enquiry as to what was up DH says 'she wants to know if we want cocoa in our apartment'. Strange thing to ask. So i looked at the girl and asked if I could help. She repeated what she had been asking DH, but poor girl had a dreadful speech impediment. She was actually asking if everything was ok in the apartment. I said everything was lovely thank you. Very awkward and embarrassing, but the look on DHs face was very funny.

When driving across the patrolled ‘ no mans patch of land’ between North and South Cyprus, the official officer asked DH, the driver, “you UK?’........DH replied “yes, thanks, I’m OK, how are you?”! We all fell into fits of giggles, Officer included!

Wrong thread Beanie

This is one I heard Gloria Hunniford tell. She was a small child and a visitor came to the house. Gloria kept staring at her. The woman asked what she was looking at. Gloria replied, Mummy said you had two faces, but I only see one. Dont know how her mother got out of that!

My own story, again as a small child. Mum was chatting to a lady from church. I piped up "why does the lady have hairy legs"? My poor mum!

One more. I took my granddaughter to ballet. She asked her friends mum if she was a mummy or a granny! The lady was about 40.

When my two older sisters were tots, they were playing and one fell and hit her head on the hearth. An ambulance came and took them off to hospital where my sister told the nurse that my mum did it. The police arrived at the house to investigate when they got home and she then told them my dad was in prison. Luckily they believed my mum and dad that it had been an accident. She is still the same today embellishing every story but not in the way that gets you in trouble.

Still cannot stop laughing after reading your post!

Lovely to have a giggle. The only TV programme I laugh out loud at is "Would I lie to you".

I recently saw an acquaintance while at the shops and we chatted (socially distanced) for a while. The conversation got around to coping with lockdown and I remarked that it is all so surreal, like being in a film at times!
“Oh, yes” she said, “The Acropolis” ??

A friend went to the nurse for a blood test,when he suddenly shouted scratch,the nurse was very puzzled and asked why he shouted scratch,his reply you said shout scratch, he's a bit hard of hearing and what she actually said was sharp scratch

I had spent 10 and a half hours birthing my daughter. I was shattered and was lying in bed staring at this little human that now belonged to me.

The nurse came in and said ‘Can I borrow your son?’ Must admit I was a bit annoyed as she knew I’d had a girl and puzzled as to why she wanted to borrow her.

‘I don’t have a son, I have a daughter’ I replied.

She burst out laughing at me, which annoyed me even more.

‘Not your son,’ she said, ‘your Sun...’ as she picked up my newspaper... ‘I want to check my bingo numbers...’