If you feel you need a laugh (and who doesn't at the moment) ...

CrazyH. What an awful worrying time for you and your family. I do hope the news is good and that your worries were unfounded.
I was about six, and walking along the riverbank with my mother when we bumped into the bank manager! After exchanging the usual pleasantries, he bent down and said hello to me! I apparently refused to answer under any circumstances ! When later I was admonished for my bad manners, I replied that she had taught me me never to talk to a stranger!! Not much you could say to that really!!

My daughter attended school many years ago and one lesson was 'dresses through the ages'. She told her teacher that her mum (me, aged 34) wore crinoline dresses like everyone in those days.

Pearlsaminger - I was laughing at your name before I even read the story which is very funny too. (That song is going to be stuck in my head all day now).

When the teacher asked the class to write a story about their family holiday my son decided to write about a shopping trip and said that mum and dad had bought a new vibrator, to this day I really don’t know what it was meant to be but parents evening was a bit embarrasing!

Several of these posts remind me of one of my favourite sayings, heard on the radio years and years ago... 'Don't know what I've said till I know what you have heard'....

When my daughter was only small we stood in a queue in a fruiterers and the person in front smelt terrible. I was wishing we would get served soon as the smell got worse. Suddenly my daughter shouted “Mam, have you just f***ed”. I went bright red and she just wouldn’t shut up. Even going on to say that it smelt like poo! I was so glad when we got out of that shop.

I was trying to teach my boisterous toddler daughter that she had to tone her behaviour with old people. She asked what old people look like and I told her. Later that day we were in a shop, there was one other customer, my DD went up to her, held her arm as she ask "Mum is this an old lady?" Floor please open up!!

Another time we were in a ground floor flat when my 4 year old nephew came in bouncing a large ball. "Shshsh!" I said "you'll be disturbing the people underneath!"
"Are they dead?" he asked!!!

Years ago when my granddaughter was tiny we took her away for a few days and stayed in a bed and breakfast accommodation. On the first morning when sitting in the dining room waiting for breakfast no one speaking at that moment. My granddaughter said in a loud voice. Grandma I don’t like the curtains! do you? That certainly got us all chatting.

Thankyou Jabberwok! We're sure / hoping , it's nothing too serious.

Ian Hislop's son's short clip on 'clapping Thursday' is very funny. Try googling that if you want a laugh.

On my first ever work placement I was asked to call a kennels to book in my bosses dog. Unfortunately I didn’t twig what the problem was until the end of this conversation (see if you get it) it went roughly like this:

M: ‘Hello, I need to book a place for one dog please’
‘Sure. What name please?’
M: Iona Colley’
‘Ok, but can I have the name please?’
M: The dog’s name?’
‘Not yet. Owner’s name please’
M : Iona Colley’
‘Yes, but could I have the name please’
M: I don’t know the dog’s name, sorry’
‘No, the owner’s name.’
M: (slowly) I-Ona- Co-lley’
‘Yes. I’ve got that but I need the owner’s name, please!’
M: Iona -ohhhhh.’

This went on and on with me getting desperate until it finally twigged. In ace you missed it too, my bosses name was Iona Colley, which when not written down, and only heard over the phone...had me repeating over and over Everytime she asked for the owner’s name: I own a Collie. Sigh

Ive had that confusion too inishowen- it was in a medical report for my son,(by then aged 15) that his gran had attended- as i had my youngest at almost 40! - (hes now 17)thing is im still youngish-looking for my age! Must have needed my roots done maybe.

We also had the cringing 'first hair cut' memory - I'd married a younger man- and our son was about 2 then- he screamed when sat in barbers chair so had to be appeased by a happy meal,but also sat on a knee throughout- the lady barber said " aw youre much happier on your big brothers knee arent you?" Her face was a picture when i icily told her "it is his dad! "

I was at my friend's house having a coffee, when she asked if I'd like one of her home-made mince pies. Her young daughter quickly chipped in with "I wouldn't if I were you. Have you seen what's under her fingernails?"

My DH always tells the story of when he was at school and was asked to write about his family. His Dad was a settling accountant for a well-known betting organisation at the time. His mum was a "stay-at-home" mum in North London. What he wrote was: "My Dad goes to the races and my Mum's in Holloway"!!!!!

When I was about 6, we had to share on Mondays what exciting things we'd done at the weekend.
I said I'd been at the local pub and my best friend who lived a few doors down from us said she'd been dancing at the Hammersmith Palais ( London dance hall and entertainment venue)
Fortunately, the teacher worked out that I had only been to the pub shop for an ice lolly and my friend was allowed to watch her dad for a wee while from backstage at the Hammersmith Palais as he was the drummer in Joe Loss's band.
Our parents were mortified.

Fun thread - anything that makes me laugh out loud at the moment is a sure winner! Thank you OP.
When my son was at (a rather posh) primary school, they were talking about pocket money/money boxes - the teacher took great delight in telling me he’d told everyone that his was now empty as mummy had used it to pay the milkman!
I laughed it off and never let on that I actually had

These have made me laugh, which has cheered me up no amidst the ongoing doom and gloom which none of us can do anything about.
CrazyH. Fingers crossed! ☀️?

'no end..' grrrr!

My two year old grandson sat on my lap and rubbed my shoulder length grey hair between his fingers and then pronounced ‘ooh frizzy’. Bottles of conditioner later he examined my hair again and asked ‘why does your hair have no colour’ . I gave up.

Took my eldest son to a nice little tea shop he was about 3/4.

A rather large lady sat at the table alongside and my darling son looked at me and said wisely “ we know why she’s too fat don’t we mummy, she eats all these cakes” !

Don’t you ever wish the floor would open up.......

More please!! These stories have really been a tonic ??

My very young son was waiting to see the hearing specialist at Addenbrooks Hospital, Cambridge. A kindly lady joined us in the waiting room and got talking to us. She told us she was a retired Social Worker. She asked my son why he was waiting in the hospital and he told her. “My mummy keeps shouting at me”. ?

When my eldest son was about 8 he suddenly asked us why a Durex was disposable. My DH and I nearly choked on our tea and we asked why he wanted to know. He said his friend (who had much older brothers) had said his Adidas trainers meant A Durex Is Disposable After Sex. After we finished laughing we just explained that it is because you can only use them once. Luckily for us he was perfectly happy with the answer and didn’t require any further clarification!

This misunderstanding only involved me. I used to do some night shifts when our kids were little. I also helped out at a mother and toddler group, who were desperately short staffed on one of my days off. I agreed to go in, after not much sleep, but I thought it’ll soon be over, it’s fine even though I was very tired.

When it was over I got in the car and wondered why nothing was happening. I realised I’d got into the passenger side and had just sat there. I sincerely hope nobody was looking out of their window as I had to get out and go round to the drivers side and drive off!