How to deal with a person who never stops talking about themselves

I have a friend who often complains about other people who phone her and talk for hours. What she doesn’t see is that she is actually the one who prolongs the conversation.

I have an old friend who does something simmilar but in writing! If I get a letter from her I have to save it until I have the time as it will consist of many pages of tiny writing about the minutiae of her life. I phoned her at the beginning of lockdown to see if she was ok as she lives alone a couple of hundred miles away. We talked for quite a while and although she does let me contribute to the conversation, much of what she spoke about had all been included in her very long Christmas 'round robin'. I stay in contact as I care about her and her friendship goes back a long way, but it is hard work.
The last time I saw her in person she came to stay for a few days in order to attend the funeral of a mutual friend. While at the wake I was catching up with another mutual friend and mentioned I was wondering where she was as we'd come together. The friend said "Oh , she can be hard to shake off" She then added "Oh dear, did I say that aloud!" while slapping herself on the hand! It was a relief to realise I'm not alone in feeling that way.
Sometimes it is a kindness to stay in touch with people who are clearly lonely as they appreciate our frienship, but it can be trying. I try to psych myself up to contact her occasionally as I know she really appreciates it. I think if she phoned me regularly with the amount of information about her family and friends that I barely know, as well as her health problems and other complaints that she includes in her letters, I'd have to employ some of the tactics suggested here. At least when it's all in a letter I can read it when I have the time and the patience.
I too live alone and sometimes find myself rattling on about my family etc but I hope I'm sensitive enough to realise if I'm becoming boring and I am genuinely interested in my friends' lives too.

There are people who we meet in the course of our lives and perhaps keep in occasional touch with who are OK in small doses but you wouldn't want to go on holiday with them.

These folk are good to speak to from time to time, and let them know you like to keep in touch.

If they are on their own, try to contact them a bit more often now, because they might be lonely and will appreciate your call.

You both have my sympathy. People who have been on their own over Covid may frankly have verbal diarrhoea. (I've found myself doing this, before now!) Was she like this before lockdown?
And now the tough question, is she the sort of person you can tell?

Houndi

There for the grace of god go i.If we can't spendctime with a friend who is lonely.We need to look at ourselves and ask what kind friend we are

Disagree. Given the current circumstances of my own life I feel half burned out most of the time, it's affecting my physical health and I just can't spare the energy to deal with someone like OP's friend. I don't feel like a bad person or friend because I can't take on the needs of yet another person outside my family. Once upon a time yes I would have. Maybe I can again in the future. Good friendship goes both ways. I'm still a good friend, but good friends to me understand that I have limited capacity to support them fully at the moment. Anyone who wants to shame me for it is lucky to not understand.

Maybe introduce her to other people or bring her along to a class you'd like to take. Otherwise, introduce her to other ppl you know...maybe ppl.similar to her?

Some people can't turn it off...maybe she was just having a manic day. Others just run off at the mouth because they are full of nervous energy.

You could invite her for dinner and see if she's like that all the time...maybe it was just a weird one off...

She's probably just bursting to talk to someone.

jeannie I know two people like this and it is very difficult because, I'm sure like you, I don't want to be rude or unkind. When you can't get a word in edgeways and the person at the other end just goes on and on it is very frustrating - and exhausting.

I don't know how to deal with it either so can't offer any advice.

It's a shame really because, while I keep in touch with most of my friends, I never initiate contact with either of these people because I know it will take up at least an hour of my time and the conversation will be entirely one-sided.

“It's your own fault if you let someone go on and on then moan about it later!! “

I do not think that is the case with a ‘gusher’. I read once about some people having a torrent-of-words pathology whereby they have guilt, shame or secrets that they are afraid will be found out and so keep talking to prevent being found out.

I am married to a gusher. He is perfectly unaware that, in any day, he will continue a monologue which is happening inside his head all day. I have tried tactfully to stop him doing it to other people as he has made really nice potential friends run for the hills. His party piece is to tell any new acquaintance his life story with all the highlights from his adolescence.

His mother was the same - and she did have a huge secret she kept over decades. I know at least one other friend who cannot stop talking.

I think conversation should be a two way process and, living with someone who hogs the airspace, have some rules of engagement for being with others:- ask questions, listen to the other person and don’t talk for more than a minute without giving the other person a chance to speak. When relating anecdotes, don’t give a preamble, diverge or give details but stick to the outline. Take notice of the reaction of your interlocutor and, if they have a frozen or bored expression, cut your speech short.

Some folks think they have an interesting life, if, for example, they travel. However, the most interesting thing can be rendered tedious and, conversely, the most mundane thing can be invested with humour or interest by the skill of the speaker. This rests on their command of the language, their skill with timing and their sense of audience.

However, for friends chatting the rule is ‘half and half’.

Houndi

There for the grace of god go i.If we can't spendctime with a friend who is lonely.We need to look at ourselves and ask what kind friend we are

Well said Houndi nice to read a more compassionate post

You’re lucky that she is the only person you know like this because I find a lot of people only like to talk and not to listen ! Lily flower seems to have it sussed . As others have said I’d put her on speaker and get on with your jobs apart from hoovering ! I wouldn’t apologise if she can hear you washing up or whatever if she’s going to ramble on so much she’s got to accept you getting some housework done while she’s on !

You referred to her as "an acquaintance", not a friend, so that tells me that you could just cut and run if you wanted to.
As others have said, she sounds lonely, but if being talked "at" for hours on end, rather than talked "to",is getting you diwn/annoying you, then perhaps it's best to cease contact.
It's really your call as to whether you want to take her on as a friend.....

Houndi and Furret. I think it is rather unpleasant of you to imply that people are selfish if they find it difficult to cope with friends and acquaintances who just talk non-stop without allowing anyone else a word in edgeways.

I would have a great deal of time for anyone who I know is lonely but the people I know who talk non-stop without showing an ounce of interest in the person to whom they are speaking are just self-absorbed and completely oblivious to the the need of others to express their thoughts and feelings.

In my experience, lonely people often find it very difficult to start up or sustain a conversation because they lose confidence in their ability to be of interest to anyone. They often feel more comfortable if the other person does most of the talking.