Gransnet forums

Other subjects

Move to be near daughter and family?

(69 Posts)
ComeOnGran Fri 28-Aug-20 13:18:53

Just wondering if anyone has moved house to be closer to grandkids. Daughter lives 200 miles away. I’m not retired yet, but I could work from home anywhere in the country. It feels a really big step (I’d be moving from the South of England to the North West) that I’m just not sure about.
I imagine there will be quite a few people who’ve done similar, or thought about it, and I wondered if anyone had any advice please!


Charleygirl5 Fri 28-Aug-20 13:23:47

Are you 100% certain your family is not likely to move in a few years time?

NotTooOld Fri 28-Aug-20 13:29:09

Yes, I agree with Charleygirl. Do be prepared for your daughter to move elsewhere in the future. A change of her (or her partner's) job in the future, for example, could mean they had no option but to move. Of course, you could move to their new area if that did happen. Just something to think about.

tanith Fri 28-Aug-20 13:30:16

Snap Charleygirl5 just what I was going to say and are you happy to give up your friends to move?

PetitFromage Fri 28-Aug-20 13:30:38

How old are you, if you don't mind my asking (I note you are still working) and how old are the DGCs? My first reaction is that it could be a mistake for you to become too dependent on your DD, as her plans may change and the DGC will grow up all too quickly. What is your life like where you are? Do you have friends, other family etc?

ComeOnGran Fri 28-Aug-20 16:46:38

I’m as sure as I can be that they won’t move - they’ve actually just moved with son-in-law’s job. But I do know you can never say never. I’m nearly 63, came to this area when I was 18 for Uni and have never left. I do have friends here but no family. I enjoy working still, and the income that comes with it. Truth is, I don’t really want to move! At the moment there is only one DGC who is three, but I’m expecting to be told to expect a second one imminently. I do feel torn!

Illte Fri 28-Aug-20 17:21:58

I've moved lots of times for different reasons so it wouldn't faze me to move and then move again maybe. I tend to live life on what suits at the moment. And I enjoy finding out about a new place and meet g new people.

But I can see you've been in your place for a long time and are very settled.

If you do go can I suggest you protect your capital investment, if house prices are very different, so that you can move back if you want to. Will there be a big difference?

Oopsadaisy4 Fri 28-Aug-20 17:24:30

You enjoy living where you live

You enjoy your job

You don’t want to move

I don’t really see why you are asking the question.
Is your daughter pressing you to move near them?
Do you want to become more involved with Day care and baby sitting?
What happens if in 2 years time the SIL is offered a new job elsewhere?

JonesKpj000 Fri 28-Aug-20 17:37:24

I think if you don't want to really move then you shoul stay put. It's a difficult one and something you will have to really think through. If you like to make new friends and are willing to maybe take on more responsibilities with GC then this could be a fab move. Only you will know the answer. I think you will find the North West a great place to live should you finally choose to move, but then i'm biased! xx

EllanVannin Fri 28-Aug-20 17:44:43

I'm in the North West and I'd love to live near my daughter-----in Australia grin

timetogo2016 Fri 28-Aug-20 18:04:58

Spot on Charliegirl5.
My X mil moved from the midlands to Cumbria in her 70`s only to find 4 years later her daughter moved to London.
She was gutted beyond belief.

sodapop Fri 28-Aug-20 19:04:55

I think that if the only reason you are thinking about this is to be close to your daughter then I would say don't do it Comeongran. Things are likely to be uncertain for some considerable time so I would stay put.

Chewbacca Fri 28-Aug-20 19:15:48

I moved house last year for a number of reasons, one of them was to be closer to my DS and his family. I didn't move very far but, as I was doing 8 school runs a week whilst working full time, the sheer amount of travelling in rush hour traffic was a pain. I already kbew the area i was moving to, which made it easier. I've been able to keep my job, friends and social life just as it was at my old home; but I'm much closer for the GC to visit on their own now and I've inherited a garden too, which is a plus! I'm not sure that I could have given up friends and social activities though so I'd think about it very carefully. It's an expensive mistake if it all goes wrong.

Westcoaster Fri 28-Aug-20 19:25:56

We were looking to relocate when we retired and mentioned a place we were thinking of when visiting DD and SIL before baby no 1 was born. They almost immediately found a rental house in that same area, promptly followed by the premature arrival of DGD.

We actually decided to move there too in case of problems and help being needed with baby. Thankfully no major problems arose, so we are all blessed.

It's been brilliant being so close and having constant contact with our now two DGC.

In saying this, none of us moved huge distances.

absent Fri 28-Aug-20 19:47:58

I moved to be closer to my only daughter and my grandchildren. I have now lived in New Zealand for over seven years and have no regrets about leaving the UK, although I do sometimes miss friends and family.

Grandmabatty Fri 28-Aug-20 20:06:22

I downsized and moved area to be nearer to my dd. I also knew she was pregnant and her and sil asked if I would help with childcare. I have rarely regretted moving area and never regretted moving house or helping out with dgs. It made me be less insular actually and make an effort to take up new hobbies. I also have lovely neighbours. However, I was ready to move and had just retired. You don't seem to be at that stage so think very carefully about making such a definitive step

TwiceAsNice Fri 28-Aug-20 23:33:17

I moved 4 years ago from Wales where Id lived my whole life to Surrey 150 miles away . I was 63 and had retired from full time work just before moving. I am now living in the next street from both daughters and grandchildren ( they live next door to each other)

I now work 2 days a week and before Covid did some volunteering as well. I don’t regret it but do miss my Welsh friends a lot, I have not made close friends here, more pleasant aquaintances .

It did take some adjusting especially driving and finding my way around after always knowing where I was going before. I’d say still go for it if you are a close family like us but be prepared that it will take a while to settle and despite your family you will be homesick.

TwiceAsNice Fri 28-Aug-20 23:35:12

I’d also say for me there was a huge difference in standard of living. Surrey is so much more expensive and my money doesn’t go as far. For what I paid for a 1 bedroom flat I could have bought a 4 bedroom house in Wales

Grammaretto Sat 29-Aug-20 04:26:51

It must be tempting to live nearer to your little family.
BUT be very wary.
My DM moved 400 miles to live in a granny flat next to us when she retired. She helped us to buy a large house to share. She had been a widow for 25years. She was lonely and was young enough to start a new life.
She helped when she could with babysitting and collecting the DC from school but it didn't cure her loneliness.
She tried to settle but missed her previous life and became depressed.
We all found it a stressful time for about 3 years.
She decided to let her flat here and went back South where she rented a flat near to my sister . Being near but not dependent on that family was a better solution and she lived fairly happily there for another 25 years. She still came to stay in "her flat," twice a year.
Our DC are so scattered and none would relish having us to worry about. My inlaws bought a house 5 miles from us so we keep an eye on them.

craftyone Sat 29-Aug-20 06:40:46

We moved to be closer to dds, our hearts wanted to be back in cumbria but we also wanted to be involved with dgc. We moved from s wales because my husbands job had taken him there and that was our family home for over 30 years. We were 45 miles from each dd, that was 2010 and it has been nice, close but not too close

The children are teenage and pre teenage now and almost independent, I was widowed and just do an occasional babysit for emergency work cover in the day. I moved myself in 2019, to somewhere in the same area as before but with a few shops and buses and then covid struck and things have changed. The shops changed, groups stopped and this was the year I did not get to make new friends

So now I am 72 and wishing I was back in the part of cumbria that I knew well. My family are always there for me but they have their own lives to live and they do. OP if I could turn the clock back, we should both have moved back to cumbria in 2010, we could have been well settled and still have seen our dgc and dds but stayed for a few days instead of popping there

Now OP I have a similar dilemma in reverse to you, I want to go to cumbria and maybe I will but maybe it is too late. If I were you, I would not do it

craftyone Sat 29-Aug-20 06:42:33

It is not clear in my post. My roots are NW and I live in the SW now

Calendargirl Sat 29-Aug-20 07:54:18

Truth is, I don’t really want to move!

I think there’s your answer.

Maybe something to think about when you are older, and working less.

MaggieTulliver Sat 29-Aug-20 08:36:19

I’d stay put for the near future OP. I’m nearly 63 too and still working, single with one DD. If you enjoy working and like where you live, you might regret a move at this stage. Do you have local friends?

Riverwalk Sat 29-Aug-20 09:08:34

I don't know why you're even considering this.

You're still working and relatively young, and presumably in good health - you can keep your life as it is and visit as often as possible.

And not to be flippant but what about the difference in the weather? In the south we have been basking in mostly glorious sunshine and warmth since the beginning of Lockdown - the NW has been mainly wet and dreary!

Froglady Sat 29-Aug-20 09:17:02

One of my first thoughts was the change in weather that you probably get - it can be very wet here in the north-west and certainly not as warm as in the south.
Does the move have to be now? If you can still make the journey to see them without any hardships now, might it be more sensible to wait for a bit? As someone has already said they might move and you might be left on your own up here.
I've just seen another post very similiar to mine regarding the weather - wet weather can be very depressing, and it makes a huge difference to me mentally if it's wet or warm and can make my mental health take a nose dive when it keeps being wet.
Good Luck with whatever you decide.