Chauvinism and how do you deal with it?

Mrs Rochester So you wouldn't find it peculiar if a car salesman called you sweetheart, darling and my lover - then turned to your husband, called him sir and virtually bowed down before him? You wouldn't wonder whether he was going to chuck you under the chin next, and produce a lollipop for this pretty little child?

I worked until March in a customer facing role and addressed people as Sir or Madam as I thought appropriate

I am completely with you on this Spangler and find these familiar terms of addressing women patronising, and in my experience only used by older people.

The current fashion seems to be "My lovely" I just think to myself "No I'm not!" The silly thing is that when I lived in Cornwall I would have been very put out if anyone in a shop hadn't called me "My lover" of "My bird".

When I worked in a coffee shop one old chap was absolutely furious because my friend called him "Young man" we were very tempted to say "That's all right, we'll just call you miserable old git then"

I really couldn’t care less about these little embellishments.

But I do object to being talked down to, patronised, lectured or subject to mansplaining and other examples of MCPisms and will certainly speak out when addressed to me.

Well, in the North West, where I live, it is quite normal and acceptable to call people love, whether they are male or female (especially if they are younger than yourself), it is just taken as friendly and not as patronising. I can't say I have ever heard anyone here call a man Sir.

Mrs Rochester So you wouldn't find it peculiar if a car salesman called you sweetheart, darling and my lover - then turned to your husband, called him sir and virtually bowed down before him? You wouldn't wonder whether he was going to chuck you under the chin next, and produce a lollipop for this pretty little child?

NO. I would smile inwardly, laugh at him actually, think of Swiss Tony and let him get on with it, as I signed the credit agreement, because I’m extremely confident and don’t feel the least threatened by laughable men.

I more than held my own in an 80s/90s city dealing room and was very successful by playing them at their own game, which is why I don’t have to work now.
Smiling as I was called darling or sweetheart was much more to my advantage than being treated as one of the boys.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

he confronted the customer

Spangler Golly Gosh! It’s taken 3 persons to build a mountain out of a mole hill! and 3 errors committed in the process!
I assume the young lass was a supermarket employee doing the tricky job of supervising the self serve checkout. Therefore she was able to move away from the “offender” and approach the young manager, who impresses you, and voice her concern.
Later, she engaged in banter over the terms used “encouraged by her manager”, which is a No-No in customer relations no matter how offended she might be!

You had no need to get involved in what was really an in-house situation between staff and a customer, and your “White Knight” action didn’t help.

The young manager was wrong to dress a customer down in public. All he had to do was definitely not “confront” the customer, but ensure he was able to complete his self-serve and leave.
He would then calmly re-assure the lass in private and continue her training in learning how to handle such situations. After all, I used to hear lady shoppers use those friendly remarks all the time, especially when being helped to put their shopping away!
Same difference!
OoRoo

I used to get talked down to a lot simply because I always looked young for my age,I would get age checked going into pubs in my 30's.I still get it when I'm on the phone as it seems I have a very "young" voice.
I'm used to people asking to speak to my boss and my OH thinks it hilarious when they say to him they "spoke to the wee girl who answers your phone " oh if only they knew it was me who taught him the job when he was on day release at college 47 years ago .I dont like when other women talk to me as if I'm a silly wee girl though and that happens now and again ,maybe I should cut my hair and get a perm ,that'll age me instantly .

trisher
'me duck' is used widely across the Midlands too.

Spangler just as well you don't live in Devon.

Everyone gets called 'my lover' whether male or female.

Oopsminty

Was winking at her a good idea?

No, it wasn't.

The ones who call women ducks get "Quack quack...oh I'm not a real duck you know!" Grrrr!

Oh, fgs!
Everyone uses the term, women as well as men. To ther women or men.

How precious are some!

Personally I've always preferred to be called a lady rather than a woman.
Maybe I have delusions of grandeur but it's always seemed more polite and respectful.

I dislike men winking at me as if we have some special bond when I don't know them at all.

Especially when I was younger and an old man did it.
I'd rather be called 'dear'. Or duck.
But not darling

It doesn't bother me what people call me if I know they are being friendly and mean no harm.
I do think winking at strangers is demeaning and makes me feel far more uncomfortable than being called 'darling'.

Callistemon

The ones who call women ducks get "Quack quack...oh I'm not a real duck you know!" Grrrr!

Oh, fgs!
Everyone uses the term, women as well as men. To ther women or men.

How precious are some!”

Indeed, part of the rich tapestry of British dialects, many of which are sadly disappearing. Nothing whatsoever to be offended about (unless you’re determined to be).

Have to admit, was taken aback, as a sarf Londoner, many moons ago when the lady behind the counter in my husband’s Cornish home town called him “my lover”.

I took some convincing ?

Oh for heavens sake. Where will it all end. Pathetic!

Sadly can't remember the last time anyone called me darling...........But seriously it is all getting a bit much. I would so hate to be a man these days. I bet most of them daren't open their mouths and don't know where to look half the time, for fear of being in the wrong! By the way, I call most people love. It's a Yorkshire thing!

MrsRochester

Callistemon

The ones who call women ducks get "Quack quack...oh I'm not a real duck you know!" Grrrr!

Oh, fgs!
Everyone uses the term, women as well as men. To ther women or men.

How precious are some!”

Indeed, part of the rich tapestry of British dialects, many of which are sadly disappearing. Nothing whatsoever to be offended about (unless you’re determined to be).

Have to admit, was taken aback, as a sarf Londoner, many moons ago when the lady behind the counter in my husband’s Cornish home town called him “my lover”.

I took some convincing ?

When I hear someone call me "me duck" I know I'm back in the land of my birth!
And "my lover" means I am back where I spent my young adulthood.
We could now have the debate about jam or cream first

I find it patronising if a group of women are referred to as 'ladies' but even worse if they are referred to as 'girls'. I've noticed that it is very often women who do this, too.

NotTooOld

I find it patronising if a group of women are referred to as 'ladies' but even worse if they are referred to as 'girls'. I've noticed that it is very often women who do this, too.

A friend said it. However, she has just died and I can still hear her saying 'Come on, girls, where shall we go for lunch?'
I shall miss her saying that.

Context is everything really. I don't mind at all being called love or duck or my lover and would never dream of pulling up someone about it especially a cheerful person just going about their job.
I have enough awareness to know when I'm being patronised in an unpleasant way and enough self confidence to take 'em down if they try it on.

Nannee49 spot on.

NotTooOld

I find it patronising if a group of women are referred to as 'ladies' but even worse if they are referred to as 'girls'. I've noticed that it is very often women who do this, too.

That’s about the only thing that bothers me...when someone, male or female, comes into the office with ‘hello ladies’. Makes me feel as though we are hens.

Well said Nannee49 - completely agree.