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Family emigrating

(79 Posts)
NannyKat Thu 03-Dec-20 13:01:55

My son, his wife and 2 children have decided to move to Australia and I am devastated. I have waited a long time for my grandchildren to come along, and they are the biggest joy in my life. Now they are going away and I am just not coping very well with this. I am usually the rock in my family, I am strong and can deal with anything thrown my way. I am the supporter and advice giver, but this situation is just making me turn to mush.
I know I have to let go, but their is more to the story than my son going for a new adventure in life. He lived in Australia before and it went very very wrong for him. He came home a broken man. We loved and nurtured him for a couple of years, back to the wonderful strong man he is today... but now he wants to go there again. Please share some thoughts with me. Even if the advise is brutal, anything will help.
Love NannyKat

nanna8 Thu 14-Jan-21 10:42:21

No way would they be allowed into Australia at the moment. Only returning Australians can get back and most of them can’t get flights, either. When you get here you have to have 2 weeks quarantine and you are not even allowed out of your hotel room for any reason . They are guarded . They have to pay $3000 per head on average plus the airfares just now are astronomical. It is not easy for parents to join their families on a permanent basis, either, unless they are the sole surviving relative. You can ‘buy’ your way in but we are talking about hundreds of thousands plus you have to take out total health insurance and pay for medical treatment.

Callistemon Sat 05-Dec-20 21:08:33

MawBe

^Oh I feel for you- Europe used to be so close^

Continental drift? gringrin

Could be.

I'm applying for my visa.

Beauregard Sat 05-Dec-20 20:54:38

50ShadesofGreyMatter

@Beauregard I doubt very much whether your family will be coming to NZ next year, are borders are likely to be shut until at least the end of 2021

That's interesting 50ShadesofGreyMatter thank you. I haven't done any research on it so didn't know that, but it will certainly delay their move.

They haven't said anything to us (a bit of a taboo subject!!) But I'm sure it will all come out in time.

A bit longer with the grandsons is a plus, although as I previously said, I'm resigned to them going (eventually).

MawBe Sat 05-Dec-20 20:40:25

Oh I feel for you- Europe used to be so close

Continental drift? gringrin

Callistemon Sat 05-Dec-20 20:32:13

No, biba you have to stay in a Government-designated hotel, with guards, at your own expense.

We are talking about Australia, no?

biba70 Sat 05-Dec-20 20:29:18

why would it cost 4000$ to quarantine- you could just rent a cottage or studio. What we will do at Easter in the UK if we have to quarantine still (we can't stay at our own apartment because of the dog walking).

We will go at Easter, and do whatever is necessary and take as long as it takes.

Callistemon Sat 05-Dec-20 20:27:04

biba70

I am afraid more and more young families will want to go in 2021.

They may want to but may not be allowed

Callistemon Sat 05-Dec-20 20:26:07

We could go but would have to quarantine at our own expense for 14 days ($4,000) so we will wait.

Callistemon Sat 05-Dec-20 20:24:44

Is Australia allowing in emigrants at the moment?
Due to the coronavirus, no travellers are currently allowed into Australia. Only three exceptions are made. Firstly, for inhabitants of Australia. These are defined as: people that have the Australian nationality or are a permanent resident of Australia. Secondly, for direct family of people with the Australian nationality or with a permanent resident status. And thirdly, for people with the New Zealand nationality living in Australia, and persons that have been in New Zealand for at least 14 days and are travelling from there to Australia on a quarantine-free flight. Travellers that do not fall under any of these categories but have a pressing reason to travel to Australia, can apply for an exception to the travel ban at the Australian Department of Home Affairs.

biba70 Sat 05-Dec-20 19:43:33

I am afraid more and more young families will want to go in 2021.

50ShadesofGreyMatter Sat 05-Dec-20 19:39:15

@Beauregard I doubt very much whether your family will be coming to NZ next year, are borders are likely to be shut until at least the end of 2021

biba70 Fri 04-Dec-20 21:25:53

Oh I feel for you- Europe used to be so close and so easy to back and fro - but OZ is so far. I have no idea howI would cope if any of my children would announce they are moving to the other side of the world. But support them you have to- no choice, however hard it is.

What are their reasons? have they said?

Courage.

Readerjb Fri 04-Dec-20 21:22:40

Queenifsaanich69 - very wise words. To consider regular visiting a project. Having the very specific goal of being fit and financial to visit, is a great idea. Could certainly make you feel less helpless, and that you are actively participating in the future of your family

storynanny Fri 04-Dec-20 19:19:56

Nannykat, I sympathise with you. 2 out of my 3 sons live overseas with their wives and children. I only see them once a year and it is not a holiday!!! It drives me mad when people say oh what lovely places to go on holiday. They can’t always get time off work, the children are at school or doing their activities etc.
I found it really difficult for the first few years and felt bereft. Irrational I know as their lifestyles are fabulous.
I have learned to accept that I have to live with having a different sort of relationship with them and it has become easier as time has passed. One family may come back in 5 or so years but the other will always remain as he is now a citizen and his wife is from that country.
I don’t want to make you sadder, just explaining the reality and that it will become a different relationship. My relationship with my local stepdaughters, and grandchildren is different as I see them every week.
As my eldest overseas grandchildren have got past the toddler stage it is much easier to have proper FaceTime with them.
Keep all of your own activities going, see friends regularly, enjoy the FaceTiming. Best wishes to you.

GreenGran78 Fri 04-Dec-20 19:07:18

My first ‘emigrant’ went backpacking in Australia 22 years ago. She was offered sponsorship and a good job, and remained there. Three more of my five children followed her, though one has since divorced, and returned home with her two DC.
Yes, I miss them all a lot, especially now that they have children. They have much better prospects over there, though, and a wonderful life. I normally visit every couple of years, and stay for several months. My visit this year, for the birth of my new GS was put on hold, of course. I get regular FaceTimes with all the various families, and my little GD, who is three, chats with me while she eats her breakfast, or has her bath, and I often read her a bedtime story.
With goodwill on all sides relationships can continue, even though they are not the hands-on ones we would like. I wouldn’t expect my family to plan their lives around me, but we do our best to forge a new kind of family life. It works pretty well, and I’m sure that you will adapt, given time.

phantom12 Fri 04-Dec-20 19:02:36

My eldest son and his Australian partner, who had been over here to work for a few years, went to live in Canberra nearly 10 years ago with their 2 children who were aged 3 years and just 11 weeks at the time. It was expected that they would do this at some point but you still hope that it won't happen. As my daughter also had a small baby at the time and an older child we luckily still had grand children in the UK. It was difficult to get used to but we have gradually learned to cope. In fact I think it helped us cope more easily with lockdown as we are used to that kind of situation. We have visited 4 times and realise what a wonderful life they have compared to what they had here. We were lucky enough to spend most of this January over there so have in fact seen more of those grandchildren than the UK grandchildren this year.

Rudgy Fri 04-Dec-20 18:57:20

My Son Daughter in-law moved to Queensland Australia 11 years ago.It was one of the worst times of my life . I saw my granddaughter and grandson every day.This left a big hole .
We have been over there many times. It is best thing they could have done ,it’s such an outdoor life style .My grandchildren have so much more in their life than they would have had over here .We speak on FaceTime all the time ,it’s not the same as giving them hugs .But if you are able to visit it will help you see it’s a good life style .It’s still very difficult and miss them terribly but I just think of how they live and it’s so good for them .Take care NannyKat .

MoreThanGrand Fri 04-Dec-20 17:26:11

NannyKat, what a worry this must be! I hope your son flourishes this time.

Being at a distance from your grandchildren is so hard, but there are lots of ways to keep the relationship strong. Have any of you heard of The Long Distance Grandparent website? She shares so many wonderful ideas for staying connected, whatever the distance. It's www.thelongdistancegrandparent.com.

CarlyD7 Fri 04-Dec-20 17:07:24

It may make you feel better to know that around 50% of people who emigrate to Australia are back again within 5 years, so there's no guarantee that they will stay. But I certainly wouldn't keep quiet about your feelings - you're not stopping them going; you're just being honest. I know that my husband's brother, who emigrated to Australia 30 years ago has missed out on so much from doing so - his children haven't have the close relationships with aunties, uncles and cousins, nor grandparents that the other children in the UK have. Of course, when their parents got older and needed help they didn't have to do any of the caring either! It was my BIL who really drove the move and his wife was less certain, and wanted to come home after a few years, but was emotionally manipulated into staying "for the children". I'm not convinced they've had a better life. I do wonder if your son has "unfinished business" with Australia that he needs to get out of the way and then he may well head back. Is his wife keen or just persuaded to give it a try? What do HER family think?

queenofsaanich69 Fri 04-Dec-20 17:06:55

My heart breaks for you can’t imagine the sadness.
But what you have to do is look on it as a new adventure for you——- having been to Australia and travelled around 3 times it is not like you imagine,it is so amazing in many ways.
Start saving for a trip,keep extra fit so you can travel and make it your future project,your a woman and nothing can beat you,best of luck.

Caro57 Fri 04-Dec-20 16:47:53

Step son and family went to Perth about 6 years ago, it was very hard especially for DH but, without doubt, it is the best decision they made - lifestyle for them and for the children. It’s tough but happiness is all we can hope for when we have children and grandchildren

Absgran Fri 04-Dec-20 16:09:20

I understand. I was devastated to learn that my daughter son in law and two grandchildren were moving to Europe especially as I had been looking after the children 3 days a week. This was 5 years ago. I’ve been lucky to visit probably 4 times a year until this year of course. I know that Australia is much much further away and visits will be further apart perhaps. But keep in touch with them however you can. I know they love me as much as I love them. It takes a bit of getting used to but they have a wonderful life there and the GC have blossomed. All the best x

Juicylucy Fri 04-Dec-20 16:06:03

I can sympathise with you on this for sure. My youngest dd partner and only gd emigrated to oz back in 1998 they set up home out there and loved it. My dd had my 2nd gd out there after being there for 2 years I went to visit when baby was 3 months old to help out, however my dd was struggling with pnd and there wasn’t much support to help her through it. When baby was 5 months old they decided to come back to the UK we were overjoyed. Not for long though as 2 years later they decided they hadn’t given it along enough go and off they went again we were heartbroken.
This time they brought a gorgeous house with swimming pool 5 minutes from the beach and started a business from scratch. They all loved it gds were in good school life was great for them. I visited every year for 5 weeks and in between we had weekly face time calls. I’d buy children’s books from book depository as they are world wide and I bought myself the same books and I’d read to them in bed at the weekend whilst they could see pictures of same book. We made it work best we could. Fast forward to 2019 and they sold there business for a very healthy profit and decided to return to the UK and buy there dream home which they moved into last month. So the moral of my story is we have to let them go off and fly and very often they will return. Sending hugs.

Callistemon Fri 04-Dec-20 14:56:23

I once read on GN "You have to give them roots and wings" and I thought that was very wise, NannyKat.

Once they settle and this pandemic is over, you can start planning your first trip
?

Callistemon Fri 04-Dec-20 14:49:11

You can’t really have a dog either. Who would look after it for a couple of months?
That is a downside, I miss having a dog. However, we do have one we can borrow and there are the Australian dogs when we go out.