Did your parents have a favourite child?

I agree V3ra especially the last line sillydevil. May your happiness continue

sillydevil what a heartfelt account of your sad childhood, and what a heartwarming account of your loving marriage and family life now ?

Great, I'm pleased for you all, we all have a past good and bad, but it doesn't and shouldn't define us.

I was 7 when my sister was born and she instantly became the favorite and remained so until both parents died. She was a lot prettier than me with a mop of curly blond hair, while I had become a plain gawky 13 year old by then. My father had quite a violent temper and I got quite a few whalloppings, thanks to my sister snitching and whining.

All I can remember from my school days is being sent to school with holes in my shoes and clothes from the second hand market. Fortunately I was the favorite grandchild and I knew that if I went to gran she would buy me the things my mother said she couldn't afford. Gran never took to my sister and said "she gets the smiles and you get the smacks". When my sister got pregnant (1960s so big disgrace back then) gran cut her out of her will. She left me a legacy and the entire contents of her house, which started me off in the antiques trade.

Later my sister paid for being the favorite. She had to take care of my mother when my father died. I had moved away from the city I was born in by then and was employed in a job which involved travelling. So I was not around. I often thought she was being made to pay as a adult for when she was a favorite.

Yes my Mum had a favourite,

There are 4 of us , 3 girls and a boy . And my brother was her acknowledged favourite even though he was one of twins.

Luckily , my brother is a thoroughly nice man and we three girls love him. We joke about all the ways my Mum showed how he was her favourite but instead of alienating him it gave us 3 girls a bond.

We’re all close.

I was my Father's favourite, the longed for son after 2 daughters. I grew to hate it and him. We had a strange household. From my earliest age I can only remember fights and rows between my mum and dad. In our house Mum and my two sisters had one bedroom and Dad and I had another. I realised at an early age I was by far his favourite and I would use it to my advantage. Trouble was he was a bully, both physical and psychological.
My sisters took the physical abuse, not my Mum or me, but it started blazing rows and standoffs, that was the only time they'd speak (I mean shout) then. I've been told in later years Mum did try to leave him with us, but no help was available, asked "Does he beat you", "No then you haven't a problem" was the answer - it was the 1950's. I was totally terrified of him and did everything he told me to do, I was like his trophy son and a "lapdog". He would take me to his mothers (evil nan, as I thought of her), they would run my mum down and I'd have to listen to it and keep quiet. Then he'd make me stay with her and my uncle (he was still living at home), until he came and collect me a day or so later. To be fair my uncle would try to get them to stop. But my father was "evil nan's" favourite and they wouldn't listen to him. I used to pray at night mum and dad would make up and we could live as a normal family. Our dysfunctional family went on like this until I was 10, mum fell ill and Dad stopped slagging mum off, to "evil nan" and anyone else who would listen. Stupid me, I thought my prays had been answered, no one told me mum was dying of pancreatic cancer until it happened. It took about a year, I knew mum was in and out of hospital and there was much whispering by relatives. I queried a few times that I'd heard the word cancer, but I was told I was wrong. When it happened, I remember being in bed at home, I had a cold or some such. My two sisters came and told me mum had died, I called them liars and didn't initially believe them, dear old Dad just wanted to tell me mum had gone away, he was also a moral coward. The above is just a taster of the reasons I hated being his "favourite". To be fair to him he had a charm, those who initially met him liked him, I know this from my "lapdog" period, when I heard everything and said nothing. He had something, he married again and I was no longer a "lapdog", that ended in divorce after she left him for the second time. Then he married for a third time and that wasn't plain sailing either, but she outlasted him. But I know from my "lapdog period" he was two faced and a liar. I finally broke his hold over me when I was 17 and my eldest sister later replaced me as Dad's favourite and she accepted, which was fine by me. I vowed quite early I never want to be like my father, my wife and kids are my life. I honestly believe, I do not have a favourite amongst our kids and I hope they know it. I'm lucky I love them all and I actually like them all and our grandkids, which if it's not down to luck, is due to my true favourite their Mum.

Yes and no. My brother, the youngest of 3 is definitely my mother’s favourite she’d had several miscarriages and two daughters myself and my sister. She was convinced all her miscarriages were boys so when he was born he became the golden child. She once told me that she was terrified to fall out with him in case he never came back she never had a problem falling out with me!
I think in retrospect I was my father's favourite I was the eldest child. My dear sister was the middle child and the scapegoat. As someone else has said I made a very definite decision to only have 2 children after seeing how awful it was for my sister. Sadly my family were very dysfunctional which has continued to this day.

I was my parents favorite child as I was the only one they had!!?

My mother definitely had a favourite and it definitely wasn’t me.She was another who loved her boys?if my dad had a favourite it was possibly me but I think he loved us all equally.
My brothers have both been estranged from my mum over the years but a single phone call and it is the prodigal son all over again?
My dad died twenty seven years ago and I have supported my mum since, it hasn’t been easy.
She took the favouritism to the next generation and is now showing favouritism to our DGD.Luckily it won’t impact particularly on DGD as because of distance the whole family isn’t together very often so she won’t realise she is the favourite.

My narcissistic mother adored my late brother, she made no secret of the fact.
He hated her and cut off contact when he was 18.
She despised me and made my life hell.
My father was no better and a violent bully.

In today’s world I would have been taken into care.

When my Father died I was delighted, when my mother died last June I was overjoyed.
I always prayed I would have a few years without them.

I am not a cruel person and I think any scapegoat child will agree there is nothing worse than a narcissistic parent.

I was the youngest of 3 children. The brother next to me was definitely the favourite. My mother worshipped the ground he walked on, for all the good it did her. My eldest brother and myself were definitely not the favourites. It didnt make for a happy childhood. It makes me wonder why on this thread, all the favourites seem to be boys.

I was one of eight one died though my mum favoured one of the eldest a twin and the youngest sister. I loved my parents but could never figure out why my mum favoured those two sisters. My dad favoured me because I challenged him by being argumentative. He was very handsome and hard working but a chauvinist in an old fashioned way. I would put him in his place no problem I was also the last to leave home. I had been courting for years at the age of nearly twenty seven I finally left.
My dad didn’t like my future husband he had good reason but I was naive and stubborn.
My dad adored my children more than any other GC my mum loved them too but favoured my sisters daughter. I swore I would never favour one child over the other and didn’t. But my daughter as a teenager used to say my DS was my favourite because he had my hair colour she didn’t. You can’t win can you?
We were a big family there were favourites but my parents did their best and I am grateful for that.

I was the piggy in the middle, my sister was my mothers favourite, but I was my dad's. It didn't help that it was a broken home and I lived with my mother.

I'd often have conversations with my mother's friends who would tell me that they'd had to remind her that she had two daughters, not just one.

I was the middle child ...never felt like the favourite growing up ...sister was angelic and a pleaser ...brother... only son.. Only realised later in life that I was the favourite....strong willed ... independent etc

From reading these sad threads I can see how lucky I was as I was a much loved only child. My mother was widowed before I was born, and when I was four, remarried and provided us both with a much loved husband/stepfather. I wasn't particularly academic (they were) and failed my 11plus! Fortunately as my father had been a commissioned officer and killed in action, my school fees were paid for, so I went off to a CofE convent, and prospered, not mightily but enough to get by. I loved my parents deeply as they did me till the day they died. Sadly my parents were unable to have any children so I guess all their affection was focused on me.

Terrible thread. Brought up loads of bad memories. My younger sister was the favourite, 10 years younger than me to a different father but they didn't bother to tell her. She is very jealous and bitter although she didn't get lumbered with any of the care but got the dosh. I have let it go and chose to have only one child.

Very sad to read everyone’s sad stories of what favouritism does to children and the adults they become. I was the favourite with both my DM and DGM, being the eldest and blonde, looks were favoured in our family. I was given a lot of leeway that my sister wasn’t which thankfully though my sister still makes jibes now and again we are very close.

With my own children I feel a pang or guilt reading these stories. While financially I keep things exactly the same for both my boys, I have a favourite, the youngest. He is a mummy’s boy and until he moved away was always happy to live at home and be looked after, my other son in contrast is politically very different, independent and went off to university when the other didn’t so he didn’t ‘need’ us as much, so I definitely babied the younger that stayed home. My elder son noticed the difference.

My sons aren’t particularly close and I hope it’s solely from their different personalities rather than any resentment.

My elder son now has a baby with his wife, so I’ve really tried to focus on him and what a wonderful father he is. One day I’ll try broach the subject with him and apologise.

LucyLockett55 you could be quoting my daughters. Having not only been a middle child, but also coming second to a boy I went out of my way to avoid possibilities of favouritism.
Even so, just the other day, admiring DGD’s new boots (on WhatsApp), DD1 mentioned that I’d let DD2 have Doc Martens but not her.
She’d totally forgotten that she had been really scathing about her sister’s choice AND that I’d made DD2 pay for them herself.

Buffy

Isn’t it interesting that those of us who had problems with extracting love from our mothers seem to have made special efforts with our own children to treat them as equally as possible. I’m very proud to see how my children treat their offspring no matter how difficult they are. I feel that, for once, I must have done something right. I don’t get much right but I think that was my most important challenge - to be as different from my mother as possible.

You are so right, it has always been extremely important to me that my daughters are treated the same. They don’t always agree that they were though!

I have tried to write about my experience with my sister but it is too hard. We were very close in age. Mum would play us off against each other, my Dad was always working and never really interfered. We were four individuals rather than a family.
It has made me look at family life differently. I have two lovely sons that are not so close in age. It has made me treasure having a wonderful husband, sons and now grandchildren.

Oh yes and it wasn't me! My middle and youngest sister were 've r y much the favourites, but then I'm the black sheep!

Youngest of 3 girls, my father would say”why can’t you be normal like your sisters, why can’t you be like them” I have 2 extremely loved children , I wasn’t married when I had them. I was naturally academic and did well but was constantly told to do better, I worked in the emergency services, my dream job that I loved, I was told I’m doing a mans job go and work in an office. I could never do anything right , looking back I stupidly tried my hardest to just be liked, to make them proud, but it never happened. They have both passed now, the relief of not having to please is good. I still love my mother very much, my father told me he hated me, feeling is mutual. Do people/ parents not realise what they do to children?

I am an only child, but I certainly wasn't a favourite child! I was bullied and emotionally abused by my father! My mum did her best to protect me from him, but he completely dominated and undermined her. She suffered from severe depression and ended up an alcoholic as a result! I left home at 18 to attend University in a city 40 miles away and living in Halls transformed my life! I later trained as a nurse and stayed in the Nurses Home until I got married. I myself have 2 children, now grown up, and although my son and I are closer, I have tried hard not to show favouritism! It's hard being a parent! xx

Buffy
I totally agree

Isn’t it interesting that those of us who had problems with extracting love from our mothers seem to have made special efforts with our own children to treat them as equally as possible. I’m very proud to see how my children treat their offspring no matter how difficult they are. I feel that, for once, I must have done something right. I don’t get much right but I think that was my most important challenge - to be as different from my mother as possible.