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Being patronising or maybe not ?

(217 Posts)
nanna8 Thu 04-Feb-21 10:28:39

I was having a chat with a few friends today about whether they objected to being called ‘dear’, ‘sweetie’, ‘hun’ or such by strangers . Mixed thoughts on this. Personally if anyone calls me ‘hun’ I feel like slapping them but that is just me.

tanith Thu 04-Feb-21 10:46:51

Doesn’t bother me one bit, why sweat the small stuff.

grandtanteJE65 Thu 04-Feb-21 10:49:52

I don't really object, but I find it odd that people I do not know at all call me dear, hen or love.

henetha Thu 04-Feb-21 10:51:31

I like it. In fact I like it very much. It gives me a warm and friendly feeling.

Sara1954 Thu 04-Feb-21 10:52:02

I spend a lot of time on the phone, and have been called all sorts, it depends largely on who it’s coming from. I don’t object to a sweet old Yorkshireman calling me sweetheart, but not a mouthy know all southerner. I hate being called mate, but yesterday, I think I hit a new low. Someone on the phone asked me to pass on a message to one of my colleagues, and said, don’t forget will you, there’s a good girl!
Unbelievable!

dragonfly46 Thu 04-Feb-21 10:52:55

I quite like it too.

Redhead56 Thu 04-Feb-21 11:07:19

As long as it’s not an insult I am not bothered but I don’t like the expression ‘alright’ girl or lad.

Blossoming Thu 04-Feb-21 11:08:09

As I’m not a follower of Attila I’m not sure why anybody would call me hun grin

Puzzler61 Thu 04-Feb-21 11:10:20

The one I find irritating is when I am with a group of ladies and someone (e.g. in a restaurant) calls us “you guys”. It is clear we are not guys!
😖

grandmajet Thu 04-Feb-21 11:13:59

I used to feel irritated when a group I was in was referred to as ‘you guys’, saying to myself, ‘I am not a guy!’. Then I thought about it and decided it was just a young person’s way of addressing us. I’ve never objected to dear, darling, sweetie, my love etc, there are far worse things I’ve been called!

grandmajet Thu 04-Feb-21 11:14:37

Crossed posts, Puzzler61!

Alegrias1 Thu 04-Feb-21 11:16:20

When I lived in Australia I loved being called "mate". Everyone was everyone else's mate and I thought that was nice.

Don't mind guys either, but I know I'm in a bit of a minority with that one smile

GagaJo Thu 04-Feb-21 11:19:17

A bloke I briefly worked with, referred to all women as my darling or love. I told him I'd prefer if he didn't so he started calling me flower, instead. Flower my bl**dy a**e. Sexist twit.

Doodledog Thu 04-Feb-21 11:29:23

Being called a 'girl' raises my hackles.

As for the rest, it really depends, I think. In anything approaching a professional situation it is a no-no, but a bus driver or someone calling me 'love' wouldn't bother me, and I like it when it's said by people I like. I think it's usually obvious if someone is being patronising, eg a shop assistant selling technology (ask me how I know grin).

There is a nurse at the GP surgery I attend who can get through 'my love', 'sweetheart', 'darling', 'pet' and 'flower' in the time it takes to give an injection. She also calls me by a version of my first name that I never use, which also irritates me.

I think that Mrs Dog is appropriate in a professional situation, and Doodle should be reserved for less formal situations.

Sara1954 Thu 04-Feb-21 11:38:36

Doodledog
We have someone who works for us like your nurse, I always think I would find it most annoying, but people seem to like her, and she’s very good at calming people down.

Sara1954 Thu 04-Feb-21 11:41:50

I also find myself referring to people at work as ‘you guys’ something I would never have done ten years ago, but it’s so inclusive without having to say everybody’s names.

Baggs Thu 04-Feb-21 11:49:03

Guys no longer means just males.

And with all the stretchable gender that's in the media nowadays, we can't really be surprised.

In general I don't even notice what people call me; I only notice their manner. If their manner is pleasant/friendly I don't mind what particular friendly words they use – in my life (mainly northern British) words like love and pet are always used in a friendly way.

So, as tanith said, why sweat the small stuff? Especially when many politicians, for example, can be "patronising bastards" on a completely different scale.

The words in inverted commas are a quote, in case you're wondering.

Nannarose Thu 04-Feb-21 11:49:10

Quite happy with endearments, and having worked in a few different places, I love how they are still influenced by place & background.
In my time, I have been: me duck, hen, treasure, luvver, me handsome, chavvi, bor, me gal, girrrl, antiji.
The only one I'm a bit put off by is 'poppet' - my mum's family had a bit of a 'witchy' background, and didn't like it as an endearment.

Tabbycat Thu 04-Feb-21 11:51:08

I agree with you Doodledog. I don't like to be called by my first name by complete strangers. When I meet someone for the first time, I always wait for them to say 'Oh, please call me by my first name'. Last time I was in hospital I was asked how I'd like to be addressed, but at most places they just use your first name and presume you're OK with it!

PamelaJ1 Thu 04-Feb-21 11:54:10

Isn’t it a regional thing?
I don’t do it but I don’t have a regional link to anywhere. My daughter does and she comes from here. At least she doesn’t say ducks as they do in my husband’s part of the world🦆🦆🦆

janeainsworth Thu 04-Feb-21 11:55:45

Don't mind guys either, but I know I'm in a bit of a minority with that one

I’ll join you Alegrias.
Having travelled in the States I’m used to it & associate it with the friendliness of the majority of Americans.
A good gender-neutral form of address too wink

Nanna58 Thu 04-Feb-21 11:56:23

Oh dear I am guilty of being like Doodledog’s nurse! When I was teaching a colleague heard a child say to a new pupil about me “ she’ll call you chicken, or sweetiepie or pet , it’s not ‘ cos she doesn’t know your name, it’s cis she likes us! “ So perhaps it doesn’t irritate children! 🤣

Vickysponge Thu 04-Feb-21 12:03:29

I don’t mind at all as long as it’s a friendly endearment.

Doodledog Thu 04-Feb-21 12:04:33

Nanna58

Oh dear I am guilty of being like Doodledog’s nurse! When I was teaching a colleague heard a child say to a new pupil about me “ she’ll call you chicken, or sweetiepie or pet , it’s not ‘ cos she doesn’t know your name, it’s cis she likes us! “ So perhaps it doesn’t irritate children! 🤣

😂😂

It is mildly annoying, but so long as you did the injection without leaving a bruise (I need them regularly) I would forgive you.

Chewbacca Thu 04-Feb-21 12:06:53

So long as it's not in a professional capacity, I can't see the problem.