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(26 Posts)
Mollybest1 Sun 28-Feb-21 12:27:42

Hi, I’m 51 and am unable to go out of my house on my own. I can go if someone is with me but am too anxious to go on my own. Is it just me ?

FannyCornforth Sun 28-Feb-21 12:31:35

Hello Molly. No, it's not just you.
I used to be like this, and am probably getting more like it again now, although it's probably hard to tell at present!
I'm sure that you will get lots of advice and support here, and I will come back later, as I'll be interested in what the wise women of GN have to say.

EllanVannin Sun 28-Feb-21 12:44:56

No easy answer other than to force yourself to walk a short distance from home. If you've been used to going out and about by yourself in the past, you must begin by small steps to a local shop maybe ? Keep doing it until you feel comfortable then go a bit further each week.
It'll be hard, but force yourself to do it then give yourself a pat on the back.

Unless you've suffered some kind of trauma, it shouldn't take long for your confidence to return. Maybe it's menopause time ? Have a chat with your GP and see what he/ she comes up with. Perhaps a mild tranquilizer.

keepingquiet Sun 28-Feb-21 12:56:12

I suggest getting help but if that isn't for you I agree- set yourself very small targets at first. A journal would be useful for recording how you feel before, how far you go, and how you feel when you come back. You will be able to monitor your own progress this way and realise your limits as well as your challenges.
I wouldn't recommend shopping until you feel ready.
Take your time and you will know if you do need more help after a while, or whether you've cracked it!
Good luck

Anniebach Sun 28-Feb-21 14:04:32

As an agoraphobic of 4 years may I suggest ?

Don’t try a shop now, start with a short walk away from your house, do it every day, several times a day, you will get comfortable with this walk, then set a further distance ,not too
long a distance and so on ,

I do ask please don’t try ‘flooding’ , I made this mistake when advised to do so , big mistake, you will overcome this

JaneJudge Sun 28-Feb-21 14:06:55

I am going to add, please don't go anywhere with too much sensory stimulus either. Try to keep it as brief and quiet as possible with minimal amounts of people, then build up from there.

Mollybest1 Sun 28-Feb-21 14:16:44

Thank you everyone, I may try tomorrow morning when not many people are around.

maryrose54 Sun 28-Feb-21 14:42:30

I had this in my teens, then again after birth of DD. I found that the support of a friend to walk a little way with me helped. Having the pram to push helped focus me, but some days I just couldn't manage to go out. I understand the feeling, although that doesn't give you a solution I know. Hope you soon find it easier.

Mollybest1 Sun 28-Feb-21 15:52:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwiceAsNice Sun 28-Feb-21 16:05:06

Try very small at first maybe just walking around your garden if you have one. Maybe sit outside for a bit and see how you feel. Then progress to just walking up and down the path outside your gate, just a few yards up and down and your house will still be very close by. Progress every few days just a little further. Shops should be the last thing they may make you feel very overstimulated

NellG Sun 28-Feb-21 16:10:54

Mollybest I think I might know what's happened, you're busy trying to survive a pandemic and it feels like the outside world is no longer a safe place. Please know there need be no shame or guilt in this, everything we are told on a daily basis makes life very hard right now. Neither are are you a burden, your family love and care about you but they can't tinker with your brain.

With a bit of effort this will pass and you wont have to spend the next 30 years like it, but right now your mind is trying to protect you by telling you that the only safe place, where you can stay in control is your home. The only problem is that the particular bit of your brain that's doing this is doesn't know it's 2021 and we don't have to do that. It's NOT your fault - you are having a perfectly normal reaction to an extraordinary and abnormal situation.

Try the other suggestions that people have given by all means, but if it's too hard or doesn't work don't despair, it really isn't anything you're doing wrong but ...

Please please please talk to your GP - ask for some medication to calm your system ( they wont be addictive, but will help) and ask if you can have someone to talk to about this. It's fixable, it wont be forever and there is real help for this. My very best wishes and I hope you manage to overcome it soon x

Jaxjacky Sun 28-Feb-21 16:20:38

I was the same last year, but it wasn’t just leaving the house, other anxiétés too. My GP was brilliant and I was given some drugs to help, non addictive and a low dose, I also had counselling, CBT, with small weekly targets (this was done over Zoom video). I’m not quite back, off the tablets, but they are there if I have a need, every day improves and the slow reintroduction of our normality suits me. Every one is different, take some of the advice here, I wish you the very best of luck and no, you are definitely not the only one x

Mollybest1 Sun 28-Feb-21 16:43:27

Thank you 💐

Mollybest1 Sun 28-Feb-21 21:20:55


Thank you everyone, I may try tomorrow morning when not many people are around.

Starting to panic already. Maybe leave it a few days.

LauraNorder Sun 28-Feb-21 21:32:20

Oh dear Mollybest1, these are such difficult times. As others have said, it’s probably best to talk to your GP who will know best.
Maybe for the time being try some breathing exercises to relax yourself and come on to Gransnet for a chat whenever you need a bit of backup.
Good luck

Mollybest1 Tue 02-Mar-21 19:43:31

Went for a little walk today 😀

NellG Tue 02-Mar-21 19:45:36

That's brilliant Mollybest, well done!

midgey Tue 02-Mar-21 19:46:20

Wow, that sounds like huge progress, well done you! 👏👏👏

silverdragon Tue 02-Mar-21 19:55:42


Went for a little walk today 😀

Well done. Don't worry if you go back and forth between having a little walk and then not. There's hardly a thing in the world that anyone goes forward from the start.

FannyCornforth Tue 02-Mar-21 20:09:53

Excellent! Well done you flowers

Puzzler61 Tue 02-Mar-21 20:28:39

Well done Molly. When you keep repeating something it will eventually lose it’s fear.
Do the same tomorrow, and a little bit further if you can.
Congratulate yourself, it’s a brilliant achievement. 💐

Mollybest1 Tue 02-Mar-21 20:54:14

Thank you everyone, it had really helped reading you comments. 💐💐

Jaxjacky Tue 02-Mar-21 20:57:00

Brilliant Molly 👏👏👏

Luckygirl Tue 02-Mar-21 22:14:20

I am so glad that you have been able to go out for a short walk - that is a real step - or several steps! - in the right direction. So pleased.

JosephAMendenhall Thu 12-Aug-21 14:43:22

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