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DD is the noisy neighbour!

(56 Posts)
Nandalot Mon 26-Apr-21 11:06:54

I didn’t want to hijack the other thread but my DD’s neighbours have complained about her and her children. She lives in an end terrace. During home schooling she moved in with us so neighbours had a very quiet time. She is a single mum and has two children both of whom have struggled with lockdown and Covid. DGD seems to get her ‘moments’ near bedtime as she is scared she will die in her sleep. She is distraught and yes, quite noisy, but not deliberately so. She is getting counselling at school about her fears. At the other end is DGS who has his ‘moments’ before school. He has recently been disagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum, and cannot abide any change to a schedule. E.g waking up at 7:10 instead of 7:00 means fifteen minutes of meltdown. No good explaining that one can easily make the time up. It was after this episode that neighbours complained. I should add that apart from these meltdowns, DGC are very quiet, not at all loud in their play or behaviour, no shrieking etc. Neighbours even complained when DD out in garden having socially distant chat with friend during daytime and was told to be quiet as wife on nights. I appreciate that but what if another neighbour mowing lawn or doing building work. Surely ear plugs would be the answer.
As a result, DD hates her house which has a lovely garden for the children to play, unlike ours, and only goes there to work from home. The family are now living with us again but it seems a shame that they are missing out on their own home and space.
I am really angry with the neighbours for being so unsympathetic.
(P.S. apropos of nothing male neighbour is a covid denier.

Newatthis Mon 26-Apr-21 11:33:34

It is awful living next to a noisy neighbour. I do feel very sorry for your daughter as it must be very difficult keeping two children quiet, especially during lockdown. Her neighbour seems to be a bit grumpy. Not sure what to advice. A compromise maybe and an apology from time to time.

Nandalot Mon 26-Apr-21 11:53:22

Thank you, Newatthis. I just feel he is being unreasonable. It is not all day, everyday just some bedtimes and some mornings, not unreasonable hours, and he has made no allowances for lockdown.

nadateturbe Mon 26-Apr-21 11:54:55

I think the neighbours are wrong. The children are only making a noise at particular times and it doesn't sound like its prolonged. They aren't overly noise at other times. And you are entitled to sit and chat in your garden during the day.
If the wife is on night duty she can't make expect other people to make allowances for that. It's her problem.
I think you should tell the neighbours your daughter is doing nothing wrong and to stop harassing her.

Charleygirl5 Mon 26-Apr-21 12:16:09

The children are being "normal"- I would swop them for what I have- screaming and shouting outside at 3 am any morning- running up and down stairs like a herd of elephants again during the night- having parties in the garden at 2 am and this is lockdown!

Children cry and have the occasional meltdown. They can come to my garden any time and enjoy themselves without being told off. Most children go to school and sleep for most of the night. The neighbours are being unreasonable.

Hithere Mon 26-Apr-21 12:23:59

What are the rules and laws regarding noise and times?

I bet your dd is not breaking any of them, so why doesn't she tell them she is not breaking the law and stop harassing her?
Turn the tables around- she could call the cops on them!

cornishpatsy Mon 26-Apr-21 13:00:46

There are only two options. Your daughter could move house or put up with the complaining neighbours unless you want to continue with them living with you.

It is time to make a decision and then work towards it, debating the rights and wrongs is not going to change anything.

eazybee Mon 26-Apr-21 13:39:39

Has your daughter explained to the neighbours about her children's difficulties? She should ask if she could go round and really explain what is causing the problem and how she deals with it and what is being done. They may not want to know, but sometimes people genuinely don't understand, and it may be worth a try.

Oopsadaisy1 Mon 26-Apr-21 13:52:47

Your daughter should ignore the neighbours, she is doing nothing wrong.

Noises to complain about do not include children playing or being upset, neither does talking in her garden to a friend qualify as a ‘noise nuisance’.

Her neighbour need to be told to stop harassing her, if the wife works nights then she has to make arrangements to keep the noise out.

If your DD was having late parties, late night DIY then that would be different.

Some people hate to hear children at all, it sounds as though her neighbour is one of these people.

eazybee Mon 26-Apr-21 14:28:24

No, a child having an autistic meltdown is not 'children playing' and it is harrowing to listen to.

Blossoming Mon 26-Apr-21 14:29:50

I grew up as part of a large, and no doubt noisy, family. I’ve lived next door to a large noisy family. It’s all part of life. Your daughter’s neighbour is being very unreasonable. I’d probably say sorry if he complains on any occasion but there really isn’t anything your daughter could be expected to do about it. I’m so sorry she doesn’t feel safe in her own home.

Charleygirl5 Mon 26-Apr-21 14:30:35

Maybe but surely it does not go on for hours.

bumblebee34 Mon 26-Apr-21 14:42:40

I know a child having an autistic meltdown is harrowing to listen to but what is mum supposed to do............gag him or something? Of course not, it is just one of those things that can’t be helped and has to be endured.

Grammaretto Mon 26-Apr-21 15:04:24

It must be horrible for your DD. I am very sympathetic. I think lots of people have become extra intolerant because of covid. Maybe when they can get out more they will become more reasonable again.
I live next to a residential home for adults with learning disabilities and when the sun shines and they are outside, there can be a lot of shouting. I would never dream of complaining because I understand it but a df came to have tea in my garden and he heard the shouting and was afraid someone was being hurt. He told me he wouldn't like it at all.

Nandalot Mon 26-Apr-21 15:40:46

Thank you all for your kind responses. DD is gearing up to returning to her home in a few weeks, certainly before half term as we have the decorators in then. At least, DGD’s panics are becoming farther apart as things are becoming more normal in the world. This lockdown has been a tenth of their lives and it has certainly taken its toll.
My DD has apologised and been nothing but polite to neighbour so I feel proud of her for that but it has knocked her confidence a lot.

M0nica Mon 26-Apr-21 15:40:55

Some people are like that, they complain about anything and everything. As it is a terrace house, Has your DD asked the person in the house the other side of the complainer whether they are having problems with them, I expect they are.

Otherwise just speak or write t the complainer, point out that the excess nosie is at specific times for limited periods and what the problem is - then leave it at that.

Nandalot Mon 26-Apr-21 15:50:27

Monica, the neighbour on the other side of my DD’s neighbours is a single woman who is often away from home because of work so they won’t hear much from her.

CafeAuLait Mon 26-Apr-21 23:58:18

So there's two meltdowns a day, the first one for 15 minutes only? Your DD's neighbours should just be glad they don't have to deal with it themselves. I might explain to my neighbours that they have special needs and hope they understand. If they don't, too bad for them. That's a small amount of noise to deal with. One of those things you deal with when you have neighbours with children.

M0nica Tue 27-Apr-21 08:08:56

Obviously when someone complains about something, it needs to be given thought and examination , but it is quite acceptable and not uncommon to reach the conclusion that the complaint is unjistified.

I think in this case it is, but I can understand that for a mother on her own with two children with special needs, it could be the final straw.

Bibbity Tue 27-Apr-21 09:26:12

I would consider that all the moving back and forth isn’t good for your granddaughter.

Your daughter isn’t doing anything wrong and she needs to shine her spine and stand up for herself and her children.

Nannytopsy Wed 28-Apr-21 00:06:29

My daughter’s neighbour started complaining the day DD moved in. She told her landlord they had been using power tools very late at night. They didn’t have any tools! This went on for months. It was a ruse to push for a rent reduction.

M0nica Wed 28-Apr-21 10:32:23

When we first married we rented a first floor flat, where the landlady lived on the ground floor. Our bedroom was over her living room and our living room was over her bedroom and as both households had roughly similar rising and going to bed times, there shouldn't have been a problem, but it was.
But life in the flat was an endless stream of complaints about noise. We were at work all day, often away at weekends, didn't have a tv. Occasionally we would have a couple of friends round for a meal on Sunday lunch time, but essentially she wanted the money from renting out the flat, but would have preferred it if we had actually lived elsewhere. According to her we always slammed the front door, made a noise going upstairs, ran baths at 9.00pm, could be heard walking around in the flat. Our friends were noisy - ordinary conversation on a weekend lunchtime. It was endless.

In the end we bought a house 18 months earlier than we had intended, gave our notice in and left. We met the new tenants when they came to view the flat and got the feeling that they were unlikely to be as amenable to suppressing every sound of their existence as we were.

GrannyRose15 Wed 28-Apr-21 11:56:55

I'd be very cautious about explaining your children's special needs to these unreasonable people. They are unlikley to understand.

Try to ignore them., if possible without falling out. Say sorry in a casual way if they complain but don't offer to keep the noise down because you can't. Your children are children and need space to behave like children - no apologies necessary.

My neighbour is always apologising for the noise her family makes - I hardly hear them and anyway if I did I'd accept it - I love hearing the sound of children (except when they're screaming of course) and would never complain that it was too much.

Dee1012 Wed 28-Apr-21 14:31:48

GrannyRose15

I'd be very cautious about explaining your children's special needs to these unreasonable people. They are unlikley to understand.

Try to ignore them., if possible without falling out. Say sorry in a casual way if they complain but don't offer to keep the noise down because you can't. Your children are children and need space to behave like children - no apologies necessary.

My neighbour is always apologising for the noise her family makes - I hardly hear them and anyway if I did I'd accept it - I love hearing the sound of children (except when they're screaming of course) and would never complain that it was too much.

I actually agree with this, if the neighbours are so unreasonable, it could actually give them more "ammunition" so to speak.
I would also carry on as normal and if anything is said again - apologise.
Another brief thought is would it be possible to do any sort of soundproofing of the party wall....if you think this could continue and/or escalate.
I do know of someone who did this in a room and it wasn't hugely expensive.

Summerlove Wed 28-Apr-21 15:34:02

GrannyRose15

I'd be very cautious about explaining your children's special needs to these unreasonable people. They are unlikley to understand.

Try to ignore them., if possible without falling out. Say sorry in a casual way if they complain but don't offer to keep the noise down because you can't. Your children are children and need space to behave like children - no apologies necessary.

My neighbour is always apologising for the noise her family makes - I hardly hear them and anyway if I did I'd accept it - I love hearing the sound of children (except when they're screaming of course) and would never complain that it was too much.

This was my thought as well people your grandchildren’s medical diagnosis is no one else’s business.