DD is the noisy neighbour!

Your DD talks about the neighbour as if they were total strangers, but they live as close to them as possible without sharing a house. Does she actually know them? Has any effort been made by either party to make friends? How long have they all lived next to each other? I am surprised by how little next door neighbours know each other these days. I don't go into either of my neighbours houses, but we stand and chat and know each others families. I don't think your DD should apologise for the noise they make, but perhaps apologise for the disturbance to hercneighbours peace. Perhaps be more friendly. Explain why they are noisy. The neighbours may think the children are just naughty. Could the children befriend the neighbour? Perhaps bake them some biscuits or grow them a plant. Hostility and anger are not the answer here and will not help the situation in the long run. The only real way forward is peace, friendship and understanding.

Your DD's neighbours behave badly towards her because they are frightened.
Who can blame them?

I daresay DGD's moments heighten neighbours' fears.
What to do to help DGD deal with her fears?

Yesteryears' solution was singing hymns and reading prayers.
However, singing and reading are still acceptable things for parents and children to do together after the evening meal.

Mum and children telling / writing stories / poems / diaries, and or drawing before bedtime is another option.

Autistic Spectrum doesn't give me much of a clue about DGS's needs.
Autistic Spectrum seems to me to be a very vague catch all sort of a thing.

However, would an alarm clock help him get what he needs?

My upstairs neighbour tried this nonsense when my dgd was living with me. To start with it made me extremely anxious and I tried keeping her quiet.
After a while the woman was still complaining.
So I starting fighting back.
None of the noise was before 7am or after 7pm. None of the noise was particularly ott. She even complained about her playing.
So I started ignoring her knocking. I could see through the spyhole who it was.
Until one day she was outside my door shrieking. I opened it, told her to 'f@@k off' and shut the door. She didn't knock again....
Same woman has complained about every single tenant living above her. Most don't last past the first 6 months!
I don't think your daughter should apologise. This sounds like normal living. If the neighbours want silence go buy an island.....

There's not an awful lot that the complaining neighbours can do as the noise of the children is just "normal" household noise. The local authority is not interested unless we are talking about noise late at night, late parties and such, or violence and anti social activities. The neighbour will just have to put up and shut up.

I once lived upstairs from a whining neighbour. Never had a party or late night visitors, turned TV well down at 11 pm (as per the lease) no pets or children. Underneath neighbour complained about my "banging about" in the kitchen, having a shower, flushing the toilet and walking about after 10pm when she went to bed. Sometimes I was up til 1 am - how dreadful! And she could not settle until she heard me go to bed in case I made a noise.

I dont know how she would have managed with a family living there! When she complained to the management committee they said "sorry these are just lifestyle differences and biglouis has done nothing to breach her lease".

I advised her to buy earplugs. It was what I did when I returned to education and lived on a noisy council estate.

CharleyB Sun 02-May-21 20:36:39
Quote: Your DD's neighbours behave badly towards her because they are frightened.
Who can blame them?

I don’t think the neighbours are frightened of my DD and her two 10 year old children! I am in agreement with many of the other posters on here who have commented that he seems a bit of a bully. His other issue is that he keeps trying to get her to pay for half the fence which is the side that he is responsible for. I am beginning to think he enjoys pressurising her.

I can't help but wonder if the next-door neighbour would be less aggressive if there were a partner on the scene. Some men take the opportunity to throw their weight around if faced with a single woman.

A couple of times Ive had occasion to ask my nephew to go and see someone (neighbour) and he takes his very large flatmate with him. He is very quietly spoken and does make physical threats but he instructs the person concerned that they are not to approach his aunt without "going through him" otherwise he is going to pass the matter to his solicitor for further action. Words like "harassment" and "criminal offence" are thrown into the conversation, again in a very quiet but firm tone. The whiney matriarch who lives next door to me now wisely keeps her head down and her mouth shut.