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I'm posting here because I have nowhere else...

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Treetops05 Sun 03-Apr-22 01:44:20

Before anyone says anything, I know this is pathetic and I know you'll all say I'm stupid and infantile for posting this...so please scroll on if so. At Christmas I commented that my husband of 36 years had taken over/absorbed my gift from himself and was basically told to grow up - so am expecting a lambasting again.

My husband keeps taking over things bought for me. Jigsaws at Christmas, garden things, anything except books. I have a daughter who is expecting to borrow my car indefinitely as her useless, racist, sexist and narcissistic partner has finally been forced to get a job by the Job Centre, so perhaps this belief everything I have is available is inherited.

My husband says she is being unreasonable but does this type of thing all the time? I came back 10 days ago from a 5 day break with my sister to find he's done it again. The first computer game I've bought in 10 years has been downloaded, and played. I don't understand the machine enough to get back to the start, so, to me it is useless. I can only play when he is asleep anyway, as he controls the TV at all times. As I cannot get to the start, I cannot play as I have not seen the tutorial etc. I KNOW this is silly to get worked up about but...

Anything I do is wrong, not enough or just plain stupid and this is just a case of everything belonging to others...basically him. Last night, for the first time in weeks I chilled a bottle of wine- he no longer drinks. First it was, it'll stop me sleeping, then it will trigger an illness I have; I pointed out if I avoided every trigger, I wouldn't eat, drink, move, sit still, sleep or stay awake, as they can all be triggers at different times. Even his Dad (93) said he was being unreasonable. After 37 years married surely I have some right to existence?

We can't divorce as our living situation is tied to his Father's (who I love dearly), but I feel so miserably unimportant that I could and do cry. What can I do to make what seems silly to others tolerable to exist?

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Franbern Thu 14-Apr-22 14:00:55

Treetops, so good that you can come on here, and let of steam. Hope it has helped a little.

I do not think your hubbie is a bully or even particularly controlling. He appears just to be doing what he has always done, and considers that everything is shared at home. Have you tried explaining to him how upset some of these things have made you. Surely, he cannot be expected to change if he does not even know how upsetting it is for you!!!

Yes, do have some sort of private area, for your own special things, like jigsaws etc. Just one lockable cupboard. Get your own laptop and keep games on there. Have a second tv in your bedroom, which you can use, when he is watching something other than you wish. Compromise is always good.

As for the car..... Well, I think that is another question. Learn to say a firm NO to your daughter. Your car is for YOUR use not for hers. Take away the keys, keep them in your locked cupboard, change the insurance making yourself the ONLY named driver.

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Granmarderby10 Sun 01-May-22 16:04:21

I should laugh really but it gets my dander up when my ex partner says “have you read such and such a book” or “you haven’t read that have you?” …when it was me who bought the %@#£!*$ book in the first place ?

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