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Flowers for a coffin

(28 Posts)
Grannyjacq1 Sat 19-Oct-19 14:59:27

I am helping my 95 year old father to organise my mother's funeral. He would rather the money go to the Marie Curie nurses rather than be spent on flowers, but wants to have something on the coffin -roses. Looking at the funeral director's catalogue, there is a simple spray of roses and carnations which is 65cm x 38cm (or could be larger if needed); there is also a 'coffin spray' which is 120cm x 45cm as the standard size. No prices displayed - but obviously the bigger the spray, the higher the cost. My question is: would the smallest spray look silly / mean on a coffin? Dad doesn't want an extravagant show - it's not his style - but also doesn't want to look as if he's being mean. I would welcome some advice, please, and the sooner the better as I need to sort something. Many thanks.

Eglantine21 Sat 19-Oct-19 15:04:37

A friend just had a single red rose on her husband’s coffin.

At another relatives funeral close family members not plac d one rose each as the coffin came to rest in the church.

Neither looked mean. It felt meaningful.

I hope that helps.

Septimia Sat 19-Oct-19 15:08:17

The 'coffin spray' is obviously meant to more or less cover the top of the coffin, so is quite large.

The 65 x 38cm spray might look a bit small on the top.

If you can get a simple spray somewhere between the two sizes, perhaps that would be suitable.

Otherwise, do your own thing, as Eglantine suggests.

Grannyjacq1 Sat 19-Oct-19 15:10:40

I do like the idea of family members each placing an individual rose on the coffin - especially as quite a lot of children will be present. Thank you.

tanith Sat 19-Oct-19 15:10:43

I think either a simple spray of roses or even a single rose would be perfectly fine and as Eglantine21 says would look meaningful.

Wheniwasyourage Sat 19-Oct-19 15:16:39

I'm sorry you are having to cope with the loss of your mother. Both my parents died in the winter, and so both times we had one bunch of flowers from the family on the coffin, and the choice was a bit limited because of the time of year. We then had a collection at the church door for charity. When my MIL died, it was January, and we again went for a single bunch of flowers (which cost a fortune - do check with the funeral director and tell them how much you are prepared to pay) and had a charity collection.

If anyone thought we were being mean having just one bunch on the coffins, nobody said so, and in fact, I wouldn't have cared if they had. It is entirely up to you and your father what you do, and if your father would prefer the money to go to Marie Curie, that is his right, and nobody should complain about it. In my opinion, it is much more sensible to let people contribute to a good cause, perhaps a favourite charity of the deceased or of the bereaved, or one form whom the family has had support and help, than to spend a lot on flowers, however beautiful, which will wither in no time and not help anyone. Bear in mind that a good florist will produce a spray which will be longer than a normal bouquet, so that it will not look out of proportion on the coffin.

If you still feel you would rather have more flowers, are there any friends or neighbours with gardens who might be happy to give some flowers? One of the most memorable funerals I went to was of a keen gardener (who died in the summer, which helped) whose garden supplied small bunches of flowers in each pew. The mourners were encouraged to take the bunches home as a small memento of our friend.

I hope your arrangements all go well and that your mother's funeral is a comfort to you all.

Eglantine21 Sat 19-Oct-19 15:17:48

I’m sorry for the mistakes. I should have been more careful.

phoenix Sat 19-Oct-19 15:29:38

Agree with other posters, nothing wrong with a single rose (or multiple single roses, if you know what I mean?)

Beware of asking undertaker regarding floral tributes, they often have "arrangements" with companies on a commission basis !

glammanana Sat 19-Oct-19 15:33:26

At my mothers funeral I bought a medium sized coffin spray from our local florist which was less than half the price quoted by the funeral directors it was all white lilies and looked wonderful they where her favourite flowers.
We also had a collection for Cancer Research after the service.

mumofmadboys Sat 19-Oct-19 15:34:28

I think a small floral tribute is fine. I think nowadays most people feel money to charity is a much better use of the money. Sorry for your loss.

SisterAct Sat 19-Oct-19 15:54:16

I went to my aunts funeral this week. There was 1 long stemmed 🌹 laid on a lace cloth which she had made. It was beautiful.

A second funeral was a posy of roses and at the wake all the immediate family and close friends (mainly the ladies )were given a rose to take home in remembrance of the deceased. Also beautiful

WOODMOUSE49 Sat 19-Oct-19 16:36:43

When step mother died earlier this year. Despite what we thought, we followed step-mother's thoughts about flowers.

She liked them growing in the garden but refused to cut them to bring into the house. Never bought a bunch of flowers in her life. We never bought her any as she would have refused them.

This was explained in the eulogy because the coffin had no flowers. We asked for donations to her favourite charity - Cornwall Air Ambulance.

sodapop Sat 19-Oct-19 16:53:08

I agree with momb a charity donation is the way to go. We just had small posies from the children and a bouquet of favourite flowers for the coffin.
I'm sorry too Grannyjacq1 thanks

BlueBelle Sat 19-Oct-19 17:05:23

One single red rose on a lace clothe sounds lovely
I will pinch that idea for my own instructions

HootyMcOwlface Sat 19-Oct-19 17:11:34

Lidl have been selling the most beautiful roses, sort of creamy with a pink tinge, that last ages. Haven’t seen any red ones though. (Only £1,99 a bunch too).

EllanVannin Sat 19-Oct-19 17:28:39

HootyMcOwlface, yes it's far cheaper to get flowers from a supermarket. I get a lovely £3 bunch when I go to Asda and it lasts me 2 or 3 weeks. What's to stop anyone from getting £20's worth and arranging them in a nice spray rather than pay £50 for a nominal spray at a florist ?

The single rose speaks volumes though. Great idea.

nonnasusie Sat 19-Oct-19 19:15:13

When my 1st husband died we just had 3 red roses on the coffin. 1 each from me and our 2 children.

seacliff Sat 19-Oct-19 19:59:42

I think the one rose idea looks much more meaningful somehow. Also several roses from close loved ones would be lovely, especially if they are all placed by the individuals.

Much better to give a larger donation to a charity close to the persons heart. I always think how sad it looks, to see all those wreath afterwards, just left at the crematorium.

Grammaretto Sat 19-Oct-19 20:04:37

We got a big bunch from the market when DM died. It was November so chrysanths and autumn colours but I'm sure you could get lovely roses too.

A funeral I went to recently, the family collected sticks from all the parks where she had walked with her lovely dog and arranged them into a kind of basket on the coffin.

Sending good wishes flowers

grannyticktock Sat 19-Oct-19 20:30:36

I did the coffin flowers for my brother's funeral. I bought a "casket oasis" from eBay, four feet long, with a special tray that wouldn't slip. We wanted it to look like a spring garden, so I used little primrose plants, grape hyacinths, sprigs of ivy and hawthorn, mini narcissus, gypsophila and some mini tulips in deep pink. It wasn 't difficult, it just took patience, and looked gorgeous, very natural.

Someone in our local Ramblers died and on his coffin they just put his walking stick and his little rucksack.

Deedaa Sat 19-Oct-19 21:06:48

DD and I decided we would have flowers on DH's coffin. He would have been so furious if he knew how much we spent, but you only do it once. We debated about the size and the undertaker pointed out that as he was 6' 4" and 18 stone it was going to be rather a large coffin and anything too small would look silly. We went for the largest spray they had with orange, purple and white flowers and it looked stunning. DD and I split the flowers between us afterwards and in spite of the undertakers warning that they wouldn't last they survived for a week in vases and looked lovely.

Grannyjacq1 Mon 21-Oct-19 09:43:35

Thank you for all your helpful comments. I am very fortunate in having reached my age without having to organise a funeral for anyone, and it's been so useful reading all your wonderful ideas. Inspirational. Thank you all so much.

Witzend Mon 21-Oct-19 09:47:49

My father always said he'd come back and haunt anyone who wasted money on flowers for his funeral. (Though he was never a skinflint, far from it.)

My mother put a little posy on his coffin anyway - in the hope that he would come and haunt her!

OPgrndtr Mon 11-Nov-19 20:15:56

My Mum has requested a single pink rose on her coffin. I assured her that we will do that.

grapefruitpip Mon 11-Nov-19 20:26:18

GrannyJ, that sounds a very difficult task you have, helping to organise the funeral.