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what to do for the best.

(84 Posts)
Corryanna Thu 02-Jul-20 17:12:20

I'm not sure where to post this so hope it's OK here.
For my 60th birthday (18 months ago) I asked for an electric bike. I was delighted with it but fell off the first 3 times I was out with DH. Now I was thinking "Why didn't ask for some jewellery?" but I had the occasional trip to my Pilates class and some shopping (although it was so cumbersome finding a space outside the Co-op and locking it up!)
Fast forward to Lockdown and we've been out a few times (not as many as DH would like but he is an experienced, proper Cyclist who, give him his due, has been very encouraging with me, it must be very frustrating going at "touring speed"!) Well, no more- after fall no.4 today. My thigh will be black+blue, on it there's a hard about the size of a tennis ball and my elbow+lower arm is grazed. I ache when I move and cry every time I think of it (3 hours ago). I don't want to go out cycling any more. DH will be disappointed that we won't do that together. I know some ladies would tell their partners they were not doing it anymore and not make a big deal of it but I'm a bit of a "Pleaser" if you know what I mean. Any ideas?

Tangerine Thu 02-Jul-20 17:14:33

I think you should just bite the bullet and tell him because, after all, he knows you have fallen off four times and he can see the evidence.

It is true I don't know the personality of your husband but facts ought to speak for themselves.

Lucca Thu 02-Jul-20 18:01:16

Good heavens, how long have you been married ??
Sorry but I think you need to “woman up” and tell him. End if story.

Corryanna Thu 02-Jul-20 18:23:12

Thanks ladies. DH has been my good husband of nearly 40 years and I do sound like a wimp reading back my post. I aimed to please my parents, teachers, anyone in my life I suppose and I know it's not a good attitude. I always seem to need reassurance if what I want to do is different to "theirs". It's a case of standing up for myself and asking permission less.

25Avalon Thu 02-Jul-20 18:28:27

How about an electric trike?

lemsip Thu 02-Jul-20 18:39:22

your husband will be quite relieved to be able to go out for his bike ride without worrying about you...unless that is; you expect him to stay indoors with you. Surely not!

ginny Thu 02-Jul-20 18:40:18

Just tell him. I can’t image that he won’t understand.
Hope you heal up quickly.

Corryanna Thu 02-Jul-20 18:46:22

Yes Avalon, that's what it is. It's not like a scooter or moped and it's more a power-assisted, very,heavy bike. I did have a few practice-rides on it before it was ordered and was sure this was the answer to my daily exercise! I am very short (5'0 if I stretch) so it's the smallest one possible, with the power/battery on the back. I've just lost all confidence and I forgot about traffic on the road too, some people are very thoughtful, others are thoughtless.

Eloethan Thu 02-Jul-20 18:48:33

You don't sound like a "wimp" at all. Very brave of you to continue getting back on the bike after having more than one accident. Surely your husband must be concerned for your wellbeing? I don't know your age but certainly a fall can be very much more problematic for older people.

I have a similar dilemma. We bought bikes a couple of years ago and went out on them a few times. Since then my husband had a major operation and so the bikes have been sitting unused for quite some time. To be honest, I don't really enjoy cycling and I'm very nervous. I can just about cope if there are no people around and I get a "clear run" but I tend to panic if someone crosses my path - a little child or a dog. I haven't fallen off yet but I'm fearful of it happening, or of hurting someone. My next door neighbour is always on her bike and is a very confident cyclist but even she fell off a couple of years ago when her bike slid on wet mud and she broke her arm. My friend went out with her grandson a week or so ago and came a cropper. Hurt her ribs and says she won't risk having an accident again, at least not during this time when hospitals may be overstretched and not the best place to be anyway.

What's wrong with a brisk walk - less hazardous and more time to enjoy the scenery rather than worry about crashing into something or someone?

I do feel for you.

SueDonim Thu 02-Jul-20 19:17:55

I think you would have no problem selling the bike right now (assuming it’s not damaged!) as sales are apparently going through the roof. With that in mind, I reckon it’s fair to say to your Dh that you’ve given it your best shot and it hasn’t worked for you, so you’ll be selling the bike before you come a real cropper and end up with broken limbs or worse.

I hope your bruises improve soon - arnica tablets and cream help a bit. flowers

CocoPops Fri 03-Jul-20 07:50:35

Why not exchange or sell it for a lightweight bike?
You're only in your early 60s. With the right bike you could enjoy years of cycling.

Blinko Fri 03-Jul-20 08:16:07

It sounds like you're like me, Corryanna. I never learned to rider a bicycle. I might consider a tricycle though. A three wheeler would suit and you wouldn't have the balance issue.

Blinko Fri 03-Jul-20 08:16:28

ride, not rider...

seacliff Fri 03-Jul-20 08:18:04

Get an indoor exercise bike if that appeals. Go for brisk walks. You are very lucky not to have broken anything, so far. There is also the risk of injury from traffic. It is just not for you. Bet your husband will be relieved.

sodapop Fri 03-Jul-20 08:51:16

Yes I agree with Lucca woman up and tell him its not for you. My husband has tried to convince me I would like cycling but I know its not for me so he has given up and goes with friends now. As seacliff said he will probably be relieved now he doesn't have to worry about you.

dizzygran Fri 03-Jul-20 09:10:46

oh dear. Stop feeling guilty. OH bought me a replacement bike years ago - we used to cycle with the children when they were young, I did come off - luckily fell on grass and no injuries, but I am a nervous rider and hate it when vehicles come too close, so bike remains in the garage - OH checks it regularly. I keep offering to Dil - no luck though. If you keep coming off is it a hearing problem. If, like me, you are nervous. Smile nicely and protect the NHS. You could do more damage if you come off again.

frue Fri 03-Jul-20 09:14:54

I couldn’t manage the weight of an electric bike either and gave up cycling after turning into a coming car instead of away while in france. Walk outdoors now and enjoy Lesley Sansome Walk on you tube if it’s raining

Gelisajams Fri 03-Jul-20 09:17:26

A few years ago DH bought a motorbike. He’d always had a motorbike rather than a car when he was with his ex wife. I was reluctant but bought the gear and rode pillion. After I came off for the third time, not too seriously hurt but a nasty experience I refused to go on it again and visited friends while he went out alone. Then I got the phone call, he was in A & E .
At that point I gave him an ultimatum, either the bike goes or I do! As the bike was a writeoff it was never replaced!
I have to say he wasn’t a crazy rider and didn’t ride competing with others and all the accidents were caused by losing control at slow speeds on gravel or cow manure on the road!
Stick to your instincts!

Happysexagenarian Fri 03-Jul-20 09:21:54

I never learned to ride a bike. Tried as a child and fell off and never bothered after that. But I would love to have a three-wheeler which I have tried a few times in recent years. If yours is a trike, how did you manage to fall off it, they are very well balanced. Is it too big for you, perhaps you are overstretching? Perhaps you trade it in for a custom built model to suit your smaller measurements. I'm sure you husband will be sympathetic, he wouldn't want you to hurt yourself, cycling is supposed to be a enjoyable after all.

Ladyleftfieldlover Fri 03-Jul-20 09:26:04

Absolutely! If he can’t see your bruises and distress, well...

mumofmadboys Fri 03-Jul-20 09:33:55

You have given it a good go. It hasn't suited you. I agree just sell it and do other forms of exercise. Above all don't feel bad about it

Thecatshatontgemat Fri 03-Jul-20 09:45:57

I am puzzled as to why you keep falling off...
Assuming it's fear, and not a balance problem, sounds like the advice of previous posters to get a trike would be the thing.
However, if you are getting dizzy spells, perhaps you need to sort that out before making a decision....
Good luck.

Aepgirl Fri 03-Jul-20 09:47:51

Why do you keep falling off? Is the saddle too high/low, are the handlebars at the right angle, etc? Why don’t you go to a bicycle shop and ask their opinion?

Incidentally, I do hope you (and your husband) wear a cycle helmet

Funnygran Fri 03-Jul-20 09:51:57

During lockdown we have bought electric bikes. I used to love cycling but at 71 I just knew I would never manage the hills of South Yorkshire and Derbyshire any more. They are heavy and do take some getting used to but I haven’t fallen off. Yet! DH seems to think I can just get on and cycle for miles but it will take some practice and he takes off on his own if he wants to go on a long ride. I’m nervous about traffic but we have cycle trails around on disused railways. Would love to end up with shapely legs again 😅

Alexa Fri 03-Jul-20 09:57:16

you should tell him immediately.

Don't you think you would be safer on a small peddle bicycle and alone so would not feel a moral pressure to keep up with another cyclist who you are holding back?