This is what he has done today. (Let's celebrate the good things!)

Yes - I am lucky to have a good OH - he does all the housework (cleaning, laundry) and the gardening (within severe constraints as he has PD). I do the shopping, cooking and organising!

Like most of us, there have been ups and downs (OH suffered/s with depression and anxiety which can be a challenge to live with, and I am sure that not all my character traits are a rest cure for him!), but we have muddled through.

I do think that it is important to remember that taking each other for granted is part of the stuff of a long term relationship and is not to be denigrated - it is a sign of security and happily rubbing along together. I think this is important for widowed people to remember - or they might feel guilty unnecessarily.

I think being able to take each other for granted is fantastic!

I think that men do deserve a pat on the back when they do something kind shysal after all, we are all too ready to have a go at them when they get it wrong and we all respond well to being appreciated. My husband is lovely (most of the time!), I know he thinks I am too. He always compliments me and thanks me for the things I do. He father was really gentle, kind and thoughtful man who took early retirement from his job as a Company Secretary (which he loved and had worked really had to achieve) to look after his wife when she had a stroke and I think he was a brilliant example to his 4 sons! I've said on another thread that I dread to think how I would cope without my husband but I haven't told him that for a long time. So, thank you phoenix, gally for making me think too.

taking each other for granted is a sign of trust and that we each know our role in the relationship, phoenix and gally for each of you,and one for my d.o.h.who has gone to the shop to get milk to make me another cuppa

DH has not only done all the housework today but been to DIY store, bought wood protector and painted the decking. I have spent the day reading and pampering myself, I really don't deserve him

Things are also far from ideal in our household at the moment (massive understatement), but I shudder to imagine how I would cope without the Wonderful Man to keep me from curling up in a corner and howling every now and again.

ga. I'm really sorry to hear you're continuing to have a tough time but pleased you have your WM at your side.

Howling can be very refreshing, occasionally!

GA You have very much been in my thoughts over the last few days. Chin up!!

I've only just picked up this thread, and oddly enough, I'd been chastising myself a bit lately for not showing my 'appreciative' feelings a bit more. Perhaps sometimes we find it hard to say more than just 'thank you' for a kindness that's been done for us when we get so used to each other. Or even to say "goodnight" when going to sleep. My husband does so much around the house - he does the gardening with so much pleasure, where I tend just to potter about. He hoovers and polishes, whereas I tend to float about with a duster now and again. Today he intends to polish all the old brassware that we have all over the place!
He isn't a demonstrative person, where I tend to be more so. Maybe taking each other for granted is a comfortable way of living together, And*Gally*, bless you, you've given me cause to pull myself up a bit.

GA - sorry to hear things are "far from ideal" - hope things improve soon.

GA xx

ga xxxxx

Theseus is not a demonstrative soul, never has been, and I have known him for 50 years. He is unlikely to take part in household chores etc, but will present me with a financial spreadsheet from time to time which demonstrates how beautifully our affairs are run, and how lucky I am that he just gets on with it. He looks after me in his way.

But when I had breast cancer, he was there. Tears in his eyes, patting me gently. Our mantra, (his words) after lots of nasties, is "We'll hack it, mate." (I'd have written a bloody sonnet!) And so far, we have.

But you have all reminded me to tell him how superb he is.

WELL..........I've been out all day at a Wea art course and come home to find that DH (on the recovery road from six months intensive in-patient chemo) has worked hard in the garage and put up some wall racks for table tops. Hurrah for DH! Hurrah for his being able to do these things again! And I did tell him he was wonderful

That is good news, eGJ! Puts things into perspective!

Like I said, celebrate! I know I said in the title "the small things" , but eGJ that seems a big thing to me, well done your DH!

Thank you greenmossgiel and phoenix. I sniffed hard as I read your messages; it's so good to have support from GN.

I'm sniffing hard for all of you. My OH cut the 12 ft Leylandii down at the weekend after 3 years of 'negotiating', maybe finally making progress, might start talking next!

Pat on the back for all our lovely menfolk

lovely stories agree with harrigan pat on the back and big hugs to all our lovely men