Telling our sad stories

Yes, 'if only' is a place you don't want to go.

The cause of death is SUDC

www.sudc.org/MediaEducation/FactSheet/tabid/99/Default.aspx

Losing a child is a terrible thing and not knowing makes it even worse. A sudden death leaves you asking why. You then move into 'if only' mode because if there is no medical reason then you feel it must have been something you did.

Nanadog I'm so so sorry for your loss.

nanadog don't know what to say.(((hugs)))

Nanadog - thank you for being so brave in sharing that with us

nanadog - Thinking of you. Take care. xx [hug]

nanadog (hugs) xx

nanadogsbody how deeply sad you must all still feel, to lose a cherished child. You have my heartfelt sympathies. I only know a little about loss of a child, but I have seen the lifelong sadness that others have experienced and cannot fathom how I would endure such loss. Getting to know a baby as they become a toddler is such a joyful time, and to lose your little one then is heartbreaking. I will be thinkng of you and send you warm wishes that this particular milestone can be passed with lovely memories of Tommy

Oh, nanadogsbody...how very, very sad

Yes, anniversaries are painful. And so are the things that ought to have happened, like starting school tomorrow. Things that he will never experience.
Grandmothers grieve twice. They grieve for the little one that they will never hold anymore, and they grieve for their own child who has lost their most precious possession. I'll never forget how my son clung to me and sobbed great man sobs and said 'I just want him back'. Or my daughter-in-law collapsing in his bedroom clutching his clothes to her because she could still smell him on them.

And the worst part is not knowing WHY. Tommy was a perfectly healthy toddler. He died just before Christmas 2008, and never even got to open all the presents we had bought in such hope and anticipation. He was so precious and so loved. The last time I saw him alive he ran across to me and gave me a huge hug and kiss.

I have other grandchildren, but that can't make up for the one we lost. I miss him so much and always will. Time has not eased the pain we all suffer, we have just learned to cope with the emptiness inside....except at times like this.

I have never said this much to anyone before and though I can hardly see to write for all the tears I thank you all for allowing me to let some of my feelings out.

Nanadogsbody can only imagine your hurt So sorry x

Just my feelings, gracesmum. I think back on so many 'what ifs' and, yes, I count my blessings.

Nanadogsbody.....I know. Thinking of you xx

I have just tucked up the little grandboys in bed and this poem has the tears welling up! It is such a cliche to be told to count one's blessings, but for every blessing, the realisation of life's fragility becomes more acute. All those "what if"s come flooding home and nanadog I can only send you what crumb of comfort my sympathy can afford. I know how anniversaries bring the pain to the surface, as do chance remarks, things we see around us - let's face it the pain is never far away

Nanadog, this is for you.

" You are now a dream.
I wanted to give you everything,
I wanted to teach you everything,
I wanted to show you everything,
I wanted you to feel, and enjoy
and share my happiness in you.

But you are now a dream,and you , that beautiful dream
will live with me forever."

So sorry hun. I know what grief for a child is like. I'm happy to talk to you if you'd like. Anniversaries are very difficult.

Nanadog You can let it out to us, you are among friends

Nanadogsbody, I can't begin to imagine your pain.

Nanadogsbody - I stay up very late and wake very early and I am another mum and gran suffering loss, so if you want to talk at any time, I am a good and sympathetic listener.xxxxx

Thank you all. I can't talk about it face to face, and I have to 'be strong' in front of my DS and DDiL. I nearly didn't post but it's so hard keeping all the hurt and pain inside. I have to put on a brave face now as I'm off to pick his little sister up from nursery. Nights are the worst times so may take you up on your offer to unload.

I agree with gracesmum

Nanadogsbody remember we are here for you when you need to unload.

Nana I guess only time can help soften your loss, but milestones are difficult.

Nanadogsbody Indeed this must be a very sad reminder of your loss. Of course you miss him. It must seem so cruel.

I love the song I am sailing, think it very upbeat