Telling our sad stories

Just get over it, obviously it has touched a nerve with you!

Ariadne

I am new to Gransnet and have found the frankness and openness of opinion very refreshing. However, it's inevitable that this may hit raw nerves at times, but I'm sure maliciousness is not generally intended. Strong opinions are inevitable with folk who have experienced as much life as we have!

Ariadne

That was then, this is now. Is it really, really necessary to continue with all this? I have been reading all these varied posts and find it all rather hard to comprehend.

nannym don't fret about it, what is a generalisation to some is a personal attack to others and there is no way of resolving it.

It is obvious that whatever I say is not going to be believed. I would not dream of being so gratuitously cruel to another person, why would I? On our private message exchange greatnan seemed happy to accept the generalisation explanation and I have no idea why the change of heart has taken place. However, life is too short to spend any more time trying to fathom the complexities of another person's nature.

Vq - Your last paragraph makes a very good point. It is important to share, and sometimes personal stories need to be told more than once in a safe environment, as I believe it aids healing. That can only be a good thing.

nannym, you can post anything you like. I do not accept your explanation that it was a generalisation and not aimed at anyone in particular. It is obviously aimed at those of us who have told our stories of being cut off from our families, or other examples of children's ingratitude. The facts are sad enough, without being castigated for posting them in good faith.
I started a new thread because I thought your comment had been lost in the long thread and I wanted people to see the kind of thing that makes me uncomfortable with some posters.
I didn't need to name you - anybody can look up the quoted post.

Aggrieved feelings have seemed to me to stem from some gransnetters expressing an opinion about a newspaper or a political or religious stance. Some adherents to these do seem to take it personally when this is not intended. I am a humanist but I don't take exception to someone putting forward a reasoned objection to my beliefs, or rather lack of them. Informed argument is fine, but when it becomes mud-slinging, that's where the fun stops.

Nobody would disagree vamp that people should be allowed to repeat themselves if the thread is appropriate to the topic of the thread.

This thread is called 'telling our sad stories' yet barely four lines in it seems as if it is being used as a vehicle to continue a grievance from another thread.

As a relative newcomer to the forums I too asked myself where all this bad feeling is coming from and why, as adults, it can't simply be laid to rest.

Mine too VQ.

vampirequeen, your last paragraph sums up my own feelings.

Ok I'm relatively new and very confused. Where has all this bad feeling come from? I thought we were all adults and capable of having a heated debate without it turning into petty backbiting and hurt feelings.

I don't see why people shouldn't be allowed to repeat themselves if their post is appropriate to the topic of the thread. Sometimes we need share more than once to make sure our advice/suggestions/experiences reach the right person/people. For example I have mentioned my ill health on more than one thread. Each time has been appropriate in my opinion even the time I gave the name of another website which I thought might be helpful to someone (GNHQ said it was OK under the circumstances) and it certainly explains my attitude to God. There you see I've now repeated myself in this post but in order to make my point I needed to.

Other times people just need to share. I'm sure not all gransnetters have family or a circle of friends they can talk to. Yes I'm sure they repeat themselves at times but isn't that part of being human? Aren't we supposed to talk about things that bother us? I understood that if things are buried they fester in the mind. Perhaps they think this is a safe place where people will understand how they feel or what they've done.

Have just re read the posts on this thread and you say greatnan that you haven't had an explanation. Would you like me to cut and paste the private messages?

*greatnan] I am at a loss as to understand why you did not name me? After all, you went to the trouble of sending me two private messages yesterday, to which I replied, and in your second message you seemed to accept that my comment had been a generalisation. In the past you have urged other posters to name names _ why so discreet this time?

I was interested enough to trawl back to an early post Alison where you said 'some gransnetters do a lot of talking about how brilliant and clever they are but this is not something that Christians tend to do'.

The implication surely is that it is non-Christians who do it (which must include atheists).

You don't name names but it seems obvious you are thinking of particular Gransnetters and this could make some of us feel uneasy.

I only mention this in the interests of clarity. I don't think it really matters that you said it though some may take offence.

An online group is very similar to a face to face group. People are bound to get heated on the odd occasion.

Personally I don't mind a bit of turbulence

Yesterday, on the Who is God thread. Why does the date matter?

And when was that posted?

' There ARE members of GN who have remarked more than once on how good they have been to their families, not that that is to be scorned of course, but I am sure that there are other members who have been equally generous with time/money who choose not to broadcast it'

This is the post which I consider to be unpleasant. I rest my case.

baubles, I agree with you. Some people have repeated their own issues in response to posts that have been made, especially those by newer members of the forum. It's probably taken these new members a bit of time to pluck up enough courage to post their worries/concerns and they will no doubt receive no end of comfort and support from reading about similar things that people have had to contend with, and have sometimes managed to overcome. I have repeated my own issues a couple of times as well, in response to someone's similar concerns, and I'll continue to do this. The support I've received on Gransnet has been amazing.

Whenever trouble brews on a thread I always drop out for a bit and come back in when things settle. That way I do not risk adding fuel to the fire. A lot of the time I cannot understand what the problem is, so have nothing to contribute.

But the overwhelming element on the forum is positive I feel and maybe those are the threads to fuel. Most things settle with time and standing back, both in life and on the forum might be a way of letting trouble die down a bit.

A lot has been said about people being able to disagree with others and I think that should be the case. I think it should be done courteously though. I do however have a problem with those who, for whatever reason, be it accidental or deliberate, imply that something was said or implied when it wasn't. I have been a recent victim of this and been accused of saying things about atheists when I did not. Twice I pointed this out and did get an apology from one person who had misunderstood but not from you Greatnan

Of course people should pour their hearts out if they have a problem and it is also appropriate to show empathy by mentioning how one has had a similar experience. I have not seen an instance of this being vilified but I don't go on all threads.

I believe the accusations of bullying have been going on for some time, long before I joined GN. Perhaps if they keep coming up and from different people we should all look to ourselves and see if there is anything we can personally do to make people feel more included. Clearly if a subject keeps returning there has to be a reason for it.

Nanadogsbody - I haven't had an explanation or apology. I am not 'milking' it, jingle - I thought the post was very unsympathetic and unpleasant.
Nor am I picking over the bone - this post was only made yesterday.

Hear, hear!