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Younger husbands

(10 Posts)
ElsieJoy Tue 09-Oct-12 10:14:10

Does anyone else have a younger husband? I have been married for 22 years to a man 20 years younger than I am..I am nearly 64 so you can do the math smile
At the time the Minister of our church refused to marry us saying "that it will only last three months" ....... oops

At the time it was perfectly acceptable for an old man to marry a young thing but not for the older woman. Is it still like this do you think?

My eldest daughter (I have three adult children from a previous marriage, divorced in 1979.) married a lovely man who is one year older than I am! Led to all sorts of confusions for the photographer at my son's wedding who kept trying to swap my husband with my son-in-law...

Greatnan Tue 09-Oct-12 10:29:22

Well done, Elsiejoy, for going with your heart. Yes, the old double standard still applies. My daughter married a man eight years younger than herself but fortunately she looked very young for her age and now they are 41 and 49 nobody notices the age difference.
Richer old men have always been able to attract younger women, for obvious reasons. Mind you, I think the attributes that make a man rich, such as intelligence, diligence, and imagination, can be attractive in themselves.
People vary so much in their maturity that it is unwise to lay down rules for relationships - my SIL was very mature for his age (26) and my daughter is still very young at heart. They are blissfully happy after 17 years.

absentgrana Tue 09-Oct-12 10:59:07

I think there is still a general feeling that an older woman with a younger partner is unnatural, that she is preying on someone innocent to take advantage of him. Cougar is a nasty term recently coined to describe such women. Or that he is a smart lad using his virility to buy him a comfortable, even luxurious existence. An older man with a [much] younger woman is seen as perfectly acceptable, although, if he's very wrinkly and very rich, she may be seen as a golddigger. Seems feminism still got some way to go.

ElsieJoy Congratulations on a long and happy marriage. Long may it continue. smile

grannyactivist Tue 09-Oct-12 11:43:37

The Wonderful Man is ten years younger than I am, but we are still in love and continue to be very happily married twenty six years on. Our church minister was very happy to marry us as he was one of our closest friends at that time. grin

ElsieJoy Tue 09-Oct-12 14:20:05

absentgrana...your post made me smile...'cougar' I ain't...neither am I rich, or 'comfortably well off',lol

Agree that in recent years the 'cougar' type of woman has become more prevelant...they are poor deluded souls who think that dressing up like teenagers and acting like adolescents is attractive...guess it is for one night stands.

I had not planned to remarry again, took me rather by surprise but best thing i even did. smile

FlicketyB Tue 09-Oct-12 16:41:47

My aunt, at 45, married a man 11 years her junior. They were happily married for 42 years before she died, leaving him bereft and unable to cope.

My family have a tradition of wives being older than their husbands. My mother, sister, DiL and self are all older than our husbands, usually by 2 - 3 years, DiL is also several inches taller than her husband.

JessM Tue 09-Oct-12 16:53:43

My first husband was 10 years older. He was a big mistake.
Second one is 10 years younger. I think it is only the fact that I have grown up kids (who are too old to be his!) that reminds us of the age difference.
I know he gave up the chance of having kids to be with me as I had already had those tubes tied.
(I actually said to the dr that i wanted it done before I met some young man...)
I have had occasional pangs about this. But he could have married someone much younger and they still might not have had kids. And would i want to have teenagers in my 60s.

absentgrana Tue 09-Oct-12 18:49:34

Just for the record I am older than Mr absent – by three years – and taller than Mr absent – by 3 inches. (That's without high heels – mine, not is.) Clearly this marriage is doomed.

It was too late in the day when we met for having more babies, although there was the tiniest hint that never came to fruition. He loves my daughter and grandchildren and, in return, they take it for granted that he is an invaluable piece of their lives. Hunky dory and tickety boo if you ask me. smile

Littlenellie Tue 09-Oct-12 18:51:08

my first was 8 months younger
My second was 10 months younger
2 significant relationships where both 5 years younger
my SOH is 20 years and 6 months younger we have been together for 9 years,we have been through many difficult times.
I am not a cougar,all of the relationships occurred naturally without me first knowing how old they where.
There have been occasions where We have caused confusion,raised eyebrows,I find the best way to deal with it is to be upfront about it and to be slightly thick skinned,people will always talk and remark on anything that catches their attention as different,as I have said before my DGD who lives with us is mixed race,when my ex husband visits with his OH and my son is with us,and we mix with SOH's dad and his partner,his dad is 3 years older than me it can be hilarious when as a family group .
I will only dress to reflect my age,not younger,I look slightly younger than 59,I am who I am,my OH has supported through the suspicious death of my daughter,has been my rock I doubt if my ex would have coped as well with the court proceedings etc,he was not a strong man,I have no money,nor has he,people may speculate about our relationship but believe me no one has analysed,soul searched,and looked for reasons why our relationship is wrong,than I have,at the end of the day I only I face myself and live with myself and I am comfortable with that...those people who matter have given their blessing,any others are a

absentgrana Tue 09-Oct-12 18:57:29

Littlenellie If it feels right, it is right. smile