Are you 'single-at-heart'?

Argh! I forgot to watch this thread and I've had a fair bit of catching up to do .

Rinky Your sis got it in one, hahahaha !
Granjura You have a real diamond there! How lovely for you !
NannaAnna 'Semi-detached partner' sums it up brilliantly ( thumb up ).
Seasider I once had a lovely neighbour whose DH worked in the Middle East for 6 weeks or more at a time. She managed perfectly whilst he was away but when he came home he wanted the house and the children to be managed his way and it caused ructions (he was also violent ). They parted eventually and he died some time after. I see her from time to time and she seems quite happy.
Grannyactivist I feel very happy for you. What a wonderful union you have! When you say that you each have your own interests and hobbies and that there is always something interesting to talk about, well, that's it exactly! If a couple are always together they really don't have any news, do they? This is where many couples get it wrong. Seems so obvious really and yet such an easy trap to fall into.
Gally I feel sad for you. It seems to me that your ex-DH hadn't given much though to how different things would be when he retired. He assumed you would be enough for him, company-wise, but didn't consider how you filled your day whilst he was working. I really think, sadly, that this is very common. I think it is a situation that my late parents experienced. My Dad once said to me 'I'd be quite happy to spend 24 hours a day with your Mum'. You wouldn't think so though, the way they'd bicker . I had an instinctive feeling that Mum quite resented Dad because she was unable to have time to herself or even go anywhere without him. Even I didn't get any mum & daughter time anymore, which I missed .
Crimson It seems to be that you might be coming to a 'make or break' situation. Maybe you should put the dog in good kennels and suggest a 'time-out' period. It could be the short, sharp shock that he needs. Tell him kindly that as much as he means to you, and you love sharing his company, you need him to not make you the 'everything' in his world. He needs to create some other interests. If nothing has changed after a period of time apart then you will know, clearly, how the land lies . As for your ex's generosity, well I am full of admiration for him there . The house was a gift so you have no need to feel guilty. You do not have to account for who stays there as it is YOUR home. As for the allowance, well if you become half of a committed, full-time couple, then, to me, it seems only right that you might have to forfeit this out of respect to your ex and your SO. Your business though, of course!
Gracesmum Your OH has some serious anxiety problems, doesn't he? Has he ever sought medical help? He really should! There is nothing to be ashamed of if he needs to take some regular medication to keep on a more even keel. I do! It is my belief that it's all down to a chemical imbalance in our bodies which can, of course, be exacerbated by other, psychological 'stuff'. If he feels more in control then he will feel more rational and generally stronger. Please urge him to see his doctor if he hasn't already, for both your sakes.
Grannyknot your posts made me laugh too! You really have got the measure of him (!), haven't you! You clearly believe in nipping things in the bud before the problem 'blooms'. Good on yer ( thumb up )!
Incidentally, if you're not a granny (aww!) then what made you join these forums? I'm just curious .
Petallus I'm glad for you that you are not putting up with any nonsense, but it's terribly sad that your relationship has deteriorated to this point . Maybe it's time to draw a line under it and move on.
Gally your honesty and reassuring words are lovely ! As for the hindsight thing, yes, I often experience that in respect of my late parents, who I lost within 3 months of each other in 2008. Still, we're only human, eh?

rocknanny I joined looking for friendship and stimulating company from people in my age group (although of course grannies can be really young too), and there isn't a forum anywhere for Should-be-a-granny-but-so-far-no-luck

Grannyknot Hahahahaha! Wise idea though !

The description fits me to a T. I was always single-at-heart throughout my 20-year marriage (I am willing to challenge for having had the most boring husband title!) My ex used to demand that I go to the garage with him to have a tyre changed, when I wanted to stay home and get on with my housework or studying. Becoming a teacher was my passport to freedom.

I can confirm that Juragran and her OH are just about the most perfect couple I know - they do lots of things together, but he never objects when she swans off without him (which is good for me!)

My daughter and her husband are very happy too - he works one week on and one week off as a ferry captain between North and South Island, and she loves having him home but also enjoys her 'single' life when he is away

Jodi - I am fascinated by your new life - please do keep us up to date with it. I admire you for grabbing life by the scruff of the neck!

Jess ditto about extended family at heart.

Rocknanny I appreciate your concern, but I am sorry if I gave the impression that DH has anxiety issues - longer serving Grannies will know of his not insignificant health problems, bless him. There are very real physical reasons why he can feel insecure when he is on his own especially if neighbours and so on are not around. As things stand, he already has a list of at least 12 different medications - I would hate to see many more added to the list!!

RockNanny I couldn't help smiling when I saw your comments. Somehow I don't think I'll be drawing a line and moving on at my time of life and after 48 years with OH.

No, I find being less emotionally involved quite freeing and I would hate to be 'in love' or in some other way passionate about a man these days.

I've been in a 'make or break' situation for @ 10 years now . The neverendingmakeorbreaksituation....

crimson my mum was in a similar situation - sort of 'can't live with him, won't live without him'. Eventually he was shown the door, but they never really severed the connection and used to talk on the phone almost every day, although they only actually met up with one another infrequently. They would never have stayed friends so long if they hadn't split up though. He died a couple of years ago and the shock was so great I think my mum still can't quite believe he's gone.

It's strange, the relationhips we have as we get older. I'm good friends with my ex as well these days, and an ex boyfriend. I always had friends that were men; possibly came from living in so many shared student houses. Do find it difficult being in a relationship where friendships seem unacceptable .

I lived alone for 16 years, while DH worked in other parts of the country, but I never felt single, He rang every single day and would email too. I did get used to coping with problems and was relatively happy. I think, as we get older, it is nice to have someone to discuss things with and have a helping hand when we are less than 100% fit.

My apologies gracesmum. Being a newbie, I didn't know the full facts .
Petallus, hmm, I take your point. 48 years, wow!
Crimson I'm afraid your clarification has done nothing to reassure me and you do seem somewhat embarrassed about the situation. Have you ever sat down and written a list of the pros and cons?
Harrigran I know what you mean (in your last sentence). There are times when I really wish someone was there to bounce things off of (not the frying pan ), to help with something that proves difficult, and to just give me a hug when I'm low * sigh *.

Regarding "solitary at heart" this to me seems to be the same as the Meyers-Briggs personality type of the True Introvert. ( MB is a well known personality test that divides into Thinking -.Feeling-Introvert-Extrovert categories). The true introvert can be outgoing & gregarious but HAS to have some alone time, That is me to a T.
Like a lot of the posters, I would have loved a DP that worked away a lot - no such luck! Surprising how many describe needy, overly-dependent partners - not just me that has noticed this, then.

i am not a single at heart at all, I love and adore being with my darling husband of 42 years .

One reads about people being soul - mates , that is what we are , Big , Big Time

I'm with you Nonu,I worry about my life without my hubby.Dont want to ever live alone. not another man but how about roommates,like the golden girls? If I live alone I know I'd get sad!

Well , Envious , I have to go now as we have friends coming , buyt if okay with you , would like to talk further as we go Stateside, A LOT .

Have a good one !

great Nonu, I'll look forward to talking to you or anyone else that visits or is interested.

Hiya Envious , what part of States are you from ?

[snow] here

I took early retirement and my wife continued working for another five years. I used to drop her off at work, return home, make myself breakfast, read the morning paper and then do the house work and prepare the evening meal. Thereafter, the day was my own. It was heaven!! I could set my own agenda. Go where I wanted, see who I wanted. I would pick her up from work and bring her home to a tidy and clean house with the evening meal ready to be served. My wife retired five years ago. Adjusting to being together all the time was difficult. I became depressed, was prescribed anti depressants and sought counselling. Five years on , I still yearn for those days when, for just a few short hours a day, the world as my oyster. Am I single at heart? You bet!!

I always used to descibe my OH as a natural lighthouse keeper!