ungrateful selfish daughter.....help !

Phew! - enough already!

Would it have been better to have made it clear what the budget was before you started with everything, Angie?

She's taking you for granted, as of course you know. Why did you go for a house which needed total renovation? Why can't you stand up to her? Too many questions....

I think she needs a wake up call, and that is the toned down version of what I feel like saying!

Yes, enough! Sorry to sound harsh but I would do no more. You have done more than could be reasonably expected and she needs to take responsibility from here. Why not tell her you are willing to have a sensible discussion about her future intentions for the house when she is ready but the budget is strictly limited. And ask her what does she intend to do about it?

Stop rushing round putting cheques through the door!

Yes!!

Yes!!!!

angiebaby, you poor thing. What an ungrateful daughter. Take a deep breath and let her stew a while.

I think that sometimes, the more we do for our children the less they appreciate it. I have been much too soft with mine on many occasions. It's always easier to see a solution when you are outside the problem! As Hilda says, let your daughter stew a little and give yourself a break. The house will still be there when she's ready to talk.

Hmmm! I think you have every right to choose what she has since you're paying for it within a limited budget.

If she doesn't like it then let her pay the difference for what she wants.

I think you should just STOP! doing anything for her or handing over money.. enough already!

Angie you have been on GN several times telling us tales of woe relating to your daughter or her ex. Can I suggest that you seek some counselling and talk to someone about why you are in such a muddle with this relationship.

Angie, Have you always helped and bailed out your daughter or is it just in her current circumstances? We all love our children and want to help them, but sometimes the best way to help them is to leave them to sort out their own problems.

But she's started now. Can't really stop mid house.

Sorry but she has taken the eyeballs and now she is coming for the sockets, time to call a halt. You don't say how old she is but if she is old enough to be married and divorced then she is old enough to stand on her own feet. We all want our DC to be happy but FGS there are limits to our generosity.

She can stop mid house. She can just say 'This I will do, this is as much as I will spend. If you want anything else you will need to pay for it yourself'

The real problem is that once children get into the habit of seeing the Bank of Mum and Dad as the answer to every problem they do not bother to avoid problems and if the Bank of M&D closes down they tend to over react.

I agree FlicketyB !

Jeez if my mum had done that for me I'd be on my knees kissing the ground she walks on. Your daughter needs a sharp kick up the rear end. She's taking the p.

Work out what you think is left to be done and how much you think it will cost. If you can afford it and are willing to spend it on such an ungrateful lump then tell her....'this is how much you have left to spend and you need to make sure that you do the windows etc before you even think about anything else'.

I so agree with JessM

Posting your woes on a website so your daughter can be criticised by people who have never met her is not the answer.

I don't agree. Surely a site like this is just the place to post about this sort of situation. Angiebaby needs to vent. This is a safe place to do that. If she vents in the real world then it could make the situation worse.

Vent away, angiebaby. Say what you need to say as often as you need to say it.

Good Lord ! Could you hear my jaw dropping from where you live? None of the problems she has is due to you and your husband so why is she, and you, acting if it is. You have both been wonderful coughing up all that money to such an ungrateful person. You say eldest daughter so what does your other daughter think? We all hope and want to help our grown up children - I think you've done enough.
petallus has a point about venting on a forum that your daughter could read about herself - I did and really upset someone, so I'm pretty careful what I say now

I would also be careful what you say about the problem as well we know the comments can be picked up just by putting your nickname in a search engine and if you DD knows your nickname she may read what you have said.
With regard to the problem I would call a halt to the endless cheque book and make her wait whilst you and your DH gather your thoughts as to which path to take with her as she really needs to be brought into the real world very quickly indeed.Look after yourself and take a step back

I think your daughter is acting like a spoiled brat angiebaby she is taking full advantage of you and your husbands generosity and nothing seems to be enough. In my VHO you need to set down some strict rules and budgets for example we have X amount to finish this property and don't be bullied or blackmailed into going over. I know you don't want to fall out with your daughter but you can't allow yourself to be used and taken advantage of in this way. Good luck.