ungrateful selfish daughter.....help !

Well done angle yes we all behind you! Hard to believe your daughter so ungrateful but nothing surprises me now!

Keep strong enjoy knife with your OH spend on yourselves!

Stand strong - we're all rooting for you.

Keep it up, angie! You are sounding determined now.

Please do let us know what happens next, angiebaby - and if she doesn't move in, or can't pay the mortgage, stand firm and sell the house. You have done far more than enough and you and your DH deserve a break from the emotional blackmail.

angiebaby how lovely to have an update - I read your OP, mouth open in disbelief so it's heartening to hear you're going to stand firm and confront your daughter. Words fail me really other than to say, just keep your nerve and don't accept any more of this nonsense. Good luck

Bonne chance -

it's been said before, now the house is finished, if she doesn't want it- just put it on the market. Enough.

Re- bonne chance.

angie that is awful, but you sound a lot stronger now.

hello girls,,,i have just read all the comments again plus all the new ones,,,,,thanks so very much you are all so kind. i have raken in all you have all said intensely. you are al right, so i am drawing in the reighns and closing the bank of mum and dad, the house,,,well i went there today cleaned all the dust and dirt out ready for the carpets to go in then thats it, sent her a text to tell her she can move in any day after 15th feb......it looks like a show house its beautiful. well 2 days later she answered with a text, it said,,,,wait for it,,,,!!!!!! i would apreciate it if you didnt tell me what to do, i wont be happy if you push me into a corner, i will give my notice on 5th march and it will be a month,s notice perhaps the house will be totally finished then, i am not moving in till then, !!!!!!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i was mortified, my husband was blazing,,,remember he is not her father. so i am just waiting to tell her we are not paying the morgage on the new house she will ahve to pay it herself for march, we paid feb,s, we will have to pay the gas bill as the workmen have had the heating on to dry out all the plastering,,and they could never have worked in the cold in the house plus we were worried about burst pipes. and thats that now, its coming up to half term,,,and my husband and i are going to dissapear oh by the way its been 6 weeks this saterday that this daughter hasnt been in contact with us,, now, i am going to pluck up the courage to tell her how i feel about the way she has treated us, i have been in an awfull emotional state these last few weeks i can tell you, i cannot believe how she has treated us,,,,,,,anyway thanks everyone i would love to meet you all,,,you have been such a great help....if you not too bored i will tell you how it all turns out, wont type so much either,,,

Sometimes we over help our kids and we feel the pain when they are having problems in their lives don't we but it sounds as if your daughter is determined not to be thankful for your help, and also there is a hint of her wanting to see you as a poor mother for whatever reason.
It can be very painful when you reach out to help and they slap it down but maybe somewhere reading between the lines she feels a bit controlled.
We want to help them but when they act in a rejecting manner is it because the help we offer is not the help they want. is it more about what we imagine they need rather than what they really need?
I too have a grown up daughter and I sometimes think that whatever I do or say or offer it is never enough. I have been so hurt on so many occasions I have decided to step back a little. When she wants help from me now she will need to ask now, for me I believe it to be about me having remarried a few years ago and thus making myself less available.

Just read your last entry Angiebaby. Pleased the house is finished but sad to hear that the stress has indeed got to you....

So your husband thinks you should send daughter a text to let her know she can give her notice in, and the house you have paid so much into is now ready for her to move in!! WHY!! She has not had the decency to be in touch for over 3 weeks, but yet again........

Oh Angiebaby, just put the house on the market and take that holiday far far away from the maddening daughter......enjoy your new TV. Good on yer.

Oh dear Angebaby. There has to be a whole lot of difficult history going on here! Reading through your troubles with your daughter a couple times makes me think that the fact you have shelled out around £30.000 to date and are obviously more than willing (I did not say happy!) to continue shelling more cash out, virually convinces me of this. I know we all want to do our best by our children, but surely the amount of cash so far given by you, and the unbelievable attitude of your daughter begs many many questions, which as JessM suggests may be helped by consulting a proffessional of some sort.....

I know the question was asked by Ana, but why buy a house that needs so much doing to it, when you must have known that your daughter was going to expect you to keep footing the bill! I find it very hard to believe that this daughter has only just turned into a spoilt brat overnight! But why or how has she become this apparent spoilt brat! Have you always given in to her at every turn! It very much sounds like it! hence she thinks its her absolute right and by bullying or blackmailing you (emotionally and financially) she gets her own way every time! Its only when you take a stand Angiebaby, stop giving giving giving, close the doors to the Bank of Mum & Dad and add a padlock!! Tell her to grow up, and stand on her own two feet.

I know you dont want to fall out with your daughter Angiebaby but if you allow this to continue you will make yourself ill.....and dont forget, only the strong survive! and right now there is only one strong one in all this, and she is sapping your strength.....the old adage, being cruel to be kind comes to mind here - if its not all too late! (confused)

Oh angiebaby, your daughter is 48!!! She should be cherishing you not abusing you. So glad you are thinking of yourself a bit.
Yes, stress can make you very run down, it ruins immune systems too so look afteryourself.
I wish I could whisper in your daughters ear that I was in my early 40s when my darling Mum died from cancer after only a couple on months. I miss her everyday and would give ANYTHING just to hold her hand and tell her I love her.

HI GIRLS,,,,,,,,thank you all so much....havent posted much as i ahvent been well its all the stress,,,well someone asked my d age,,,she is 48. and now its been 3 weeks and 4 days since i have had any contact with her, ! the house will be finished in about a couple of weeks,and i am supposed to tell her as she can give notice from her rented place,,,,,my husband says send her a text,,,thats how she wants to communicate ! ! we bought the renevation house because it was cheap....and it was the only one she could afford to get a morgage on. anyway thanks girls for all your help and advice yes you are right i must stand up to her, we helped my other daughter get a house and she gave us all she had towards it,,,we never had all this trouble she is quite the oppiseit,,,,she budgets everything,,,even looks round the charity shops to find a bargain,,,,,but not this one,,,,,well it will all turn out in the wash i pray,,,,havent seen the grandkids attall in these 3 and half weeks that breaks my heart....but my time will come,,,,,,my h and i treated ourselves to a new tv today,,,,,,makes a change to spend on ourselves,its nice i can get other peoples comments it does so help......is there any meet ups anywhere near london way. ........

Granjura I think you may mean my remark about not stopping which was in reply to Tanith but a couple of posts came in between and what I meant sort of got mislaid! I meant it wouldn't be a good idea to stop the renovation when it was nearly finished. Angie would loose even more money. I think she should finish the house and if DD is still showing signs of ingratitude, she should sell up and buy a round the world ticket.

angiebaby, hold on in there, I do hope you and husband get this sorted.
Life throws all sorts of unpleasant things at us and we learn to cope and thats what makes us the half decent people we should be. To be honest, and I might sound a bit harsh here, but nowadays a young woman getting divorced is not unusual and its hardly the end of the world. I was deserted when pregnant and went through a divorce just before I hit 30 and in a strange way it was the making of me. I was reminded of this reading a letter in yesterday's Telegraph about a 38 year old who was going through a divorce and was finding that some of her friends were egging her on to be vindictive about the finances and also expecting her to be emotionally wrecked. She said that she was coping well enough and actually learning to enjoy her new life - and was there something wrong with her???. Yes divorce is unpleasant - even nasty but if you are young enough ( and I realise thats going to be a moveable feast) to make another life for yourself, you should be able to accept what has happened and slowly learn to move on. As my dear old Grannie said when I told her of my problems....'worse things happen at sea'

It's down there on this thread somewhen granjura I have just seen it.

The post I replied to seems to have disappeared - so it does not make sense. It was in response to 'but she can't stop now she has started' (or words to that effect).

glamma It might do the daughter some good to hear a few home truths.

Oh yes she can - and should asap. It will be HER project totally - when she can pay for it if she chooses wallpaper at £75 a roll, etc. She just does not deserve you, I'm afraid. Basta, enough.

I am full of sympathy as we have helped our offspring financially far more than we ever intended (more in a drip-feeding way), but your predicament leaves be a bit speechless (in a nice way). How would I react if this was my ds and dd?? Is it too late for you to pull the plug? Can you draw a line under the whole thing and leave her to sort out her own mess? She has taken way too much from you - her kind parents. What ever is she thinking of? How old is she? 13? I think sometimes offspring need to hear the sharp side of our tongues in order to appreciate us more.

Well done - don't weaken when she comes crying to you (as she no doubt will).

Agree with that too, Angie.

Good thinking, angie. If you start arranging that holiday now, you will have something for you and your husband to look forward to. You deserve to have some quality time together. With any luck, your daughter will come to her senses if you show some 'tough love'.

Angie, good on you gal

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