Sex since the menopause

overthehill, thank goodness there is somone else who feels the same way as me. You have described my feelings exactly, DH would be devastated if he knew, I have tried to explain to him I still love him just the same, and have tried all the creams etc. but nothing has worked for me. I too have to (not have to I'm not forced or anything like it,) participate every so often. I feel guilty because at the moment I'm saying it's because I'm waiting for my kidney to be removed, but really I'm just using this as an excuse, I too feel if I cuddle him he will expect it to go further. It's so hard isn't it, but now I don't feel quite such a freak, I thought I was the only one., so no you are not the only one, there are at least two of us.I must go off now I would hate him to see this, as he is such a caring man, and I couldn't bear to hurt him.

jab and overthehill,,,,,,,,,im so pleased to have read your thread.....i would rather have a hot dinner .....lol....i am 68 and cant be bothered,,,as soon as i am in bed i want to snuggle down and drift off, luckily or unluckily my husband has sex in his head but his body wont work, i know he has high colestral,,,and high blood pressure,,,that stops your bits working, as soon as he gets in bed he drops off to sleep...yippee,,,,,,,,,,only problem i have between the sheets is his damn snoring,,,,but im lucky i move to the guest bedroom and sleep in there,,,,,aahhhhhhh,,,absolute heaven, no ive had all the sex i want thank you very much,,,,,all that puffing and panting,,,,,,,over the years,,,its time to say no thank you very much,,,,men hugh ! they should keep their willys in the trousers after a certain age,,,lol, so dont worry you are not alone,,,,glad you brought this up,,,,,,,,,,,

Ha ha Angie! Love it!!!!!

thanks aga,,,,,,lol

Yippee I am not the only one! A good book is all I need and (thank goodness) he is the same. Love him just as much now as when we first met, but a cuddle is all I need now! Thank you for bringing this up!!

It is a very common problem that arose with many couples when I was in my counselling role - and it is very difficult to solve. overthehill very well describes the dilemma - how to show affection without implying desire? It is not a problem if, as for Pennysue both partners are happy to call it a day.

I never did find a resolution to it with any couple I am afraid - it is perhaps the result of our ideal of a lifelong union, which is fine as long as compatibility in all areas exists - if it does not, then compromise is the only way, but that is a problem in the bedroom as compromise involves one partner acquiescing to something that they are not really at all enthusiastic about. And sex is so personal and fundamental - it is not like agreeing to compromise over mealtimes for instance.

Some women get randier after the menopause and others lose interest. I always used to say that the important thing was not to feel a failure or to assume some guilt into the situation - you are as you are, and that is fine. There is no rule that says you should want to keep bonking till you die!

We make such a big thing about sex, as though it is critical to health and happiness - for many people it is not, and that is fine. Some men see it as fundamental to their self-worth, which is what makes it so hard for women to say no however much they might want to.

Yes! Over Thank you for this post! As the other posters have said have said I recognise that completely, including the wanting a hug bit.
I just have not been bothered for years. OH has never been able to understand that I don't want more than that. Then it was being pawed all night. I found eventually giving in out of "sympathy" did not do me any good and rather made me feel used.

Its good to talk about this! I would be interested to know what %tage of postmenpopausal women really do still want enjoy this. Its such an "unmentionable" subject though I think really accurate figures would be hard to get.
angie Nicely put!

.... And I can assure you it isn't anything to do with being with the same person for so long. My partner and I met late 40s for me, early 50s for home, we had 5 years of at it like rabbits, then came the menopause and I would rather have a bar of chocolate and read a book, fortunately he feels exactly the same! Funnily enough, when we do make the effort it's really good!

I would love to have sex and/or cuddles with a loved one, but I haven't got one!
I've had the best sex of my life since I was 60, which I put down to not being so exhausted after work, or not resenting my partner!

Now I am on my ownsome and I really miss it , but I do sympathise with the 'being pawed all night/not wanting to but feeling obliged' scenario.

Since the menopause I have lived with my DD, SIL and DGC its role reversal I now know what it feels like being a teenager living in their parents house. Comes to something when you have to have a holiday or a weekend away to have sex

We had quite a healthy sex life,( 5 kids, so must have!), then after our last "session" on a holiday in 1999, we neither of us ever bothered again, it just hasn`t been mentioned. Mind you, it hasn`t bothered me either!

The only thing I went off during the menopause was driving and that is the status quo,and I am not just older but old!!!

Thanks for all your replies and good to see I am not alone.

It is a shame there doesn't seem to be a solution but I suppose there are things in life you just have to accept

Apologies for hi-jacking this serious thread, but can't resist posting this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPs2Myjke3w

Oh - ha ha ha! Brilliant, Grannyknot!! Thanks for that!

Wonderful!

Mystified. Why is he doing that? me no like.

It's a Candid Camera type of thing, Jess....

Gross is the word that comes to mind.

Good one! Do you think he still has his socks on?

oh to make fun of the older women's reactions. Hysterical. (just not my sense of humour I guess)

Weird!

Been even better if he'd been wearing a cod piece

Actually, I think the older women's reactions make fun of him ... !