Gransnet forums


Children still at home?

(18 Posts)
grannyactivist Sun 17-Feb-13 21:06:46

I think I asked this once before, but now with so many new Gransnetters I thought it might be worth asking again.
I have four children who have left home and one son (21) who left to go to college a couple of years ago and has since returned home (although he starts university in September and will be leaving then); plus my two foster sons (16 & 17). Now that I'm juggling childcare responsibilities (both lads are doing GCSE exams this year and need lots of help) with being a very hands-on granny I'm feeling the strain a bit. How do other grannies manage?

Deedaa Sun 17-Feb-13 21:39:08

Gosh! The four children would have finished me off! There were times when I could barely remember what day it was with only two. I had a fairly fraught couple of years looking after my daughter's baby when she went back to work full time while going over to my mother in law several times a week until she went into a home. At the same time my husband was ill quite often and was a constant worry until we got a diagnosis. The main help I had was my son who was still living with us and was quite good at noticing when I'd had enough. He would often come and offer to take the baby for half an hour or go and do Granny's shopping for me, or at least put the kettle on for a cup of tea.

tanith Sun 17-Feb-13 21:43:43

I don't think I'd cope nearly as well as you do grannyactivist, the very thought of all that you probably do makes me want to lie down grin.. I happily have no children at home and am glad of that.. can you not step back a little and let the boys do more for themselves , they are almost grown up now and can surely orgainise themselves to let you wind down a little/do less..

vampirequeen Sun 17-Feb-13 22:48:59

I have grown up children who have left home but we also have our youngest children aged 4 and 7 who come every weekend and during the school holidays. Plus grandchildren.

grannyactivist Sun 17-Feb-13 23:06:13

The one son still at home is brilliant at sorting out his own stuff and is very independent, so adds nothing to my workload beyond meals. He works shifts so is often out of the house before breakfast or returns home late at night. The two boys have only been in the UK for fifteen months, and although they have made fantastic progress with their English they're still learning and are therefore having to study very hard for their exams. They're also still just getting to grips with the culture and although they would like to contribute to the running of the household so much needs to be explained that it's difficult. For example, last week I thought I'd explained that I needed them to put the dustbin out for collection, only to find the compost bin on the pavement! confused

My husband's job takes him away for a few nights most weeks and he's currently putting in an average of 60 hours a week at work, so I've been adding some of his chores to my own. All manageable - just - but with the advent of half-term this week my 3 year old grandson is coming to stay for a few days to give my daughter a break after having her baby just a week ago. Tomorrow is older son's birthday, so there will be 12 of us for dinner!
On the bright side, the Wonderful Man is taking three days off work from Wednesday so he can lend a hand and has asked me to book us a table (for just 2!!) for lunch on Wednesday, so that I get a bit of a break. He's a very nice man!! smile

grannyactivist Sun 17-Feb-13 23:08:13

Wow VQ, 4 and 7 year olds! What's the age range between youngest and oldest child? I have exactly 19 years between mine.

vampirequeen Mon 18-Feb-13 07:25:47

We're a merged family so between us we have three sons aged 35, 30 and 4 and four daughters aged 33, 28, 25 and 7. The age range is 28 years. Then we have 4 grandsons aged 15, 7 (twins) and 1 and 4grandaughters aged 6 (twins), 5 and 2 months.

Gosh when you write it down it looks like we've been really prolific breeders .....7 children and 8 grandchildren. grin

grannyactivist Mon 18-Feb-13 10:32:52

Respect VQ! Though I don't envy you those teen years to come. I'm finding I have oodles of patience with both children and grandchildren, but my energy levels are far from ideal. hmm

Mishap Mon 18-Feb-13 11:14:01

Phew! - how do you manage!?

vampirequeen Mon 18-Feb-13 11:33:28

We only have the youngest children at weekends and during school holidays. The rest of the time they live with their mum so I'm only a part time mum. Although tbh I'd rather have them all the time because it's so hard to share children you love and watch them being brought up Monday to Friday in a way you don't agree with.

gillybob Mon 18-Feb-13 11:33:45

Blimey VQ and Grannyactivist you both make me feel tired just reading your posts. How on earth do you both do it?

grannyactivist Mon 18-Feb-13 11:52:58

Today - I'm managing by the skin of my teeth. My beloved parents in law are also needing a lot of support (see mental illness thread) and I really wish I had a magic wand!!!!

glammanana Mon 18-Feb-13 13:16:47

GA you are on the right track having a special time put aside for you and Mr GA even if it is only once a month it is something to look forward to don't you think ? My DD has found life easier now the eldest boys look after their own stuff and activities now they are 18/21/22yrs and are good at looking out for youngest 3 if need be now she has full care of foster baby-boy who by the way is a dream child,so pleasent and loving.So just make sure you fit in some special time for you even if it means treating yourself to a posh bubble

BAnanas Mon 18-Feb-13 16:32:10

My youngest son returned to live with us once he graduated last year. He turned 23 at the beginning of this month. On the whole he's quite easy to get on with, apart from the following: bunching up wet towels on towel rail in an annoying way, how difficult is it to spread them out? amassing apple cores around his room, putting empty ice cream tubs back in the freezer complete with desert spoon, washing pans up and then leaving them up side up to dry instead of downwards, so illogical, leaving an obstacle course of amplifiers, guitars, CDs and dirty socks around his bedroom, going out and leaving his lap top plugged in and on the bed so it never cools down hogging my lap top charger and forgetting to bring it downstairs, leaving his gym bag in the middle of the hall for us to trip over. Apart from those few things he's OK

numberplease Mon 18-Feb-13 16:56:59

Of our 5 children, the only one still at home is the eldest, and she is 49 now. She can`t do much at all around the house, due to very bad rheumatoid arthritis, so combining that with a husband who`s policy in life is to do nothing, I do quite often get a bit fed up with being permanent chief cook and bottle washer. So hats off to you, Grannyactivist, you`re a better woman than I am Gunga Din!

Ariadne Mon 18-Feb-13 18:31:24

OMG, my life has been firmly put into perspective! my deepest respect, ga and vq and everyone else who is dealing with a whole range of age groups!

Grannyknot Mon 18-Feb-13 19:48:22

BAnanas that made me laugh. Brought back memories too!

vampirequeen Mon 18-Feb-13 20:02:10

It's very strange to be doing the barbie and superman stuff again but still fun.