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How can you improve your relationship?

(57 Posts)
GeraldineGransnet (GNHQ) Fri 15-Mar-13 08:11:16

Relationships can spiral downwards; they can sometimes also spiral upwards with a bit of tlc. With Relate, who have given us their relationship checker, we're looking to come up with a 12-step programme (OK, maybe 6-step programme) for looking after your relationship.

If you could offer one bit of advice for something to do this week to make your relationship sunnier, what would it be?

And next week? (phew, exhausted already)

tanith Fri 15-Mar-13 09:06:59

Walk faster would be perfect advice for us, OH likes to stroll real slow and I prefer a fast walking pace , something we've never solved. Love to have a nice long beach walk no matter the weather..

Grannyknot Fri 15-Mar-13 09:43:01

Ooh I don't think I want to go near the relationship checker!

Cultivate a sense of humour I would say. I remember watching an interview with Hilary Clinton once, and the interviewer rather boldly asked her how her and Bill got over the Monica event, and she replied "One day, he did something that made me laugh, and the next thing we were talking again".

vampirequeen Fri 15-Mar-13 09:43:50

Make time for each other and be a couple.

glammanana Fri 15-Mar-13 10:10:52

Make sure you listen to each other's point of view (even though I am always right) and ensure you have time for yourselves for your own interests.

Maythorn Fri 15-Mar-13 10:52:06

Sometimes it is best to let a relationship spiral off into the sunset, as mine did twelve years ago after being together for thirty two years. People change, not everyone will stay the distance.
If I was to give any advice, it would be stay away from things like relationship checkers or tests and talk to each other, then keep on talking until you reach a compromise.

wallers5 Fri 15-Mar-13 11:16:27

Well said 'listen to your partner'. Be friends, do things you both like, be loving and don't have that headache too often. Appreciate what your partner does for you & you for him. Be loyal & grateful.

Movedalot Fri 15-Mar-13 11:20:00

If it is only about our own relationship I am happy with ours just as it is. smile If however the question is about relationships in general, then talk to each other but listen well too.

ginny Fri 15-Mar-13 11:24:55

I agree, never look at a 'relationship' checker or at least don't take them seriously. According to most of of them and relationship quizzes, DH and I were doomed from the start. We have been together for 43 years, married for nearly 37 years through good and bad, ups and downs.

Notso Fri 15-Mar-13 11:35:57

To maintain a long term relationship I always found it was helpful to keep expectations on the low side of realistic smile

Mishap Fri 15-Mar-13 11:41:53

These "one size fits all" questionnaires are not for me!

Sticking together involves both valuing that as an aim - the rest will follow.

BoomerBabe Fri 15-Mar-13 12:17:45

Yes to most of the above very sensible advice, especially Maythorn. My relationship made 33 years and was painful when it ended but ultimately for the best as we are both much happier now. Also, I'd say be lovers not friends.
My ex was my best friend, lover, fiance, husband in that order and thinking back, I thought of him as a friend not a man if you get my meaning. My present partner is most definately my lover. A subtle difference which makes all the difference.

Movedalot Fri 15-Mar-13 12:44:02

Boomer sorry, but I don't agree, DH is my lover, companion, best friend and much more. We have been married 45 years and are still devoted to each other. Yes, we have had ups and downs but have overcome everything and neither of us would have it any other way.

Grannyknot Fri 15-Mar-13 12:55:41

The last couple of posts reminded me of the song "The Joker" by the Steve Miller Band:

Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me Maurice
'Cause I speak of the pompitous of love

'Cause I'm a picker, I'm a grinner
I'm a lover and I'm a sinner
I play my music in the sun

Grannyknot Fri 15-Mar-13 13:00:42

Then had to go and check on 'pompitous' smile:

The word pompitous, derived from the Latin "Pomp" and "Itus" means everything good, righteous, and bangin. grin

Nonu Fri 15-Mar-13 13:24:31

Just be good loving caring friends to each other .

We have been together now for 42 years {and it don"t seem a day too long}
so must be getting something right .


ginny Fri 15-Mar-13 13:37:40

Boomer... I'm pretty sure I couldn't live with someone who wasn't my friend. There is far more to a good marriage than sex.

Have been thinking.... Love, trust, respect, tolerance and sheer bloody mindedness ! smile

soop Fri 15-Mar-13 13:50:36

Notso smile Yes! I agree. smile

MrsJamJam Fri 15-Mar-13 14:32:21

Talk to each other, and listen to each other. Not necessarily as easy as it sounds. You have to get beyond the superficial and then avoid being defensive.

grannyactivist Fri 15-Mar-13 15:18:40

Be kind. Never belittle or undermine. Encourage one another. Don't nurse grudges or old wounds. Surprise each other now and again and also find pleasure in everyday occurences. Be kind. (Yes, I know I've already said that, but it's important enough to bear repetition.) smile

soop Fri 15-Mar-13 15:30:20

ga Kindness, above all else, can work miracles. smile

Jadey Fri 15-Mar-13 16:51:11

I have been with my husband for 31 years, what I would say is good communication is key, dont assume they know whats going on in your head because most of the time they have no idea.

Let things go, choose your battles.

I think what soop kind...was a good comment, being kind is really important, because we all like it when someone is kind to us.

Accept that its not always going to be ...happy days.... but ride the waves together x

Grannyknot Fri 15-Mar-13 17:03:33

I just thought of something else. Never be boring or bored. Husband drives me round the bend sometimes, but life with him is never boring.

kittylester Fri 15-Mar-13 17:46:54

Love together, laugh together, pull together, grow together but don't spend all your time together or you'll never have lots to talk about.

Grannyknot Fri 15-Mar-13 18:43:29

kitty [thumbs up emoticon]